Breaking Bad Habits

One of the hardest things about losing weight, gaining a healthy lifestyle, is breaking bad habits. One habit of mine is craving sweets after lunch and dinner. Oh boy, I always need a cookie, or a cookie, or peace of candy, anything I can get my hands on. Why is that? Even my skinny husband goes for something sweet after dinner. I notice that my children are forming the same bad habit. I have to admit that this habit was much harder to break last week then this week. Hence all the squares of chocolate that I snuck into my day, all 2 of them. Non the less, those were calories and fat that I just didn't need.

The other bad habit, which in my mind is probably worse then the first, is eating a bowl of ice cream at night. Or just plain eating anything several hours after dinner is done, so close to bed time. But mainly, it's the ice cream. I find solace and comfort in that darn creamy, satisfying confection. And just recently I had found a new ice cream that was SO good. It was especially delicous after an exceptionaly stressful day. Which surprises me about this week. There have been some stressful things going on which normally would have driven me to ice cream.

It is empowering to know that I have had the strength this week to break these bad habits. I know, I know, it hasn't even been a full two weeks. But DANG, taking it one day at a time and conquering one day at a time adds up to huge successes.

Breakfast:
yogurt

snack:
1/2 pear
@ 6 almonds

lunch:
salad with tomatos and parm. cheese
1/2 turkey, avacado wrap
1 chocolate chip cookie(I was at lunch with a bunch of other ladies and I just did it. Beckham asked me if I could have a cookie. I told him that I could, but I just choose to not have one. Too bad I couldn't stick to my own advice. GOSH DANG IT!!!!)

snack:
stupid half a chocolate chip cookie. I hate admiting this, it's so shameful and humiliating. But being honest is what is keeping me on track. Curses to the stupid chocolate chip cookie dough and softly baked cookies. DAMN!!!!!

Dinner:
Pulled pork on Home made whole wheat with half a bell pepper.
small heal of whole wheat with some peanut butter. GOSH DANG IT AGAIN!!!!


I really am disapointed in this day. Stupid cookies. I just need to not bring that temptation into my everyday. If I can't have cookies, then NOBODY gets cookies. Is that fair? I really want this to work. Everyone else can enjoy cookies on Sundays right along with me.

Visuals

Yesterday I had a conversation with Melissa. She told me that I should visualize myself as a thin me. It could also be another powerful tool. I brought to her attention that it's been YEARS since I've seen a thin me. I have no idea how to visualize that. So what do I do now? I know that is a great exercise to do. I guess I'll just start conjuring up my ideal body then cut and paste my head to that body. I was at my ideal weight for about 5 seconds.

Well, I am sure you thought I might never post here again...and I have to admit...a few months ago I don't think I saw myself needing to.

But, all that has changed for me.

I started Weight Watchers again today.

It's a big step for me. I lost 25 pounds last year...but I have only been able to keep 15 off.

It wasn't the worst thing that ever happened to me. I am not the heaviest I have ever been. But I am not happy with my body either.

So, I need to do something different, and I think I am ready to make it last.

Mostly, Amberlyn, I wanted you to know that you are not alone in your journey, and I think that for the first time in my life, I am ready to make that journey with you.

You have been so honest, and it has been such an inspiration for me.

So, here's a little honesty of my own.

I was 135 pounds in high school and I thought I was a cow...it got so bad that I developed an eating disorder that I struggled with well until college.

Once I got the eating disorder under control I started to put on weight.

When I got married I weighed 165 pounds.

Today I weight 180 pounds.

Like I said, it isn't the heaviest I ever weighed, but I hate my body right now.

And, unfortunately, there is no magic pill for me ... there never will be.

I don't eat because I am hungry. I don't eat to be healthy.

I eat because it makes me feel better and I eat because when I feel out of control, it helps me feel a little more in control.

And it's this lack of control that has been holding me back.

I had a tense conversation with someone at Joe's school today. All I could think about after the conversation was how much I wanted something to eat.

I don't recognize when my body is hungry. I don't know if I have even felt hungry for a really long time.

I don't recognize when my body is thirsty.

I have lost all those important signals, because I have been eating to satisfy needs that have nothing to do with food.

But...I have had a breakthrough.

A whole bunch of things happened at the same time, and I gave up caffeine about a month ago. I have tried before, but failed, and didn't think I could it. I didn't think I was strong enough.

But, the way everything worked out...let me make a decision that I didn't need it anymore. And I quit. And I haven't looked back.

I haven't had any cravings. I haven't had any withdrawl. I haven't felt any need at all to start again.

And honestly, the success has been really powerful.

So, I am ready to take control of my life...my eating...my health.

I have a lot to live for, and I am ready to live the life I was meant to lead.

Thanks for letting me share. I will try and keep you posted on my journey.

Gone by the wayside

Since I've been so dedicated to weight loss a few things have dropped on my priority list. Exercising is so important that it's the first thing I do when I have a chance. And eating healthy takes time and work. As a result, my house is just barely getting clean. As a matter of fact, there are a lot of rooms that aren't acceptable to me. But I'm letting it go. I am putting myself first. I am taking care of me, and meeting my needs right now. Once I get into a better routine, or Grace gets into a better routine I'm sure things will fall into place. Weight loss is my priority. It has to be for me to be successful. I hope my family and husband will be patient with me as I try and figure this out.





Breakfast:
Yogurt



Snack:
Diet Coke
4 quaker mini rice cakes



lunch:
whole wheat sandwich, pulled pork, 1/2 a red bell pepper


snack:
1oz cheese, a few almonds



dinner:
white chicken chili, 1 tsp sour cream, sprinkle of cheese

snack:
Fiber One granola bar

Heart Breaking Biggest Loser

So I am addicted to the Biggest Loser. Last night brought some tears to my eyes again at the weigh in. But for different reasons. The two people that needed to be there the most were the ones that were up for illimination. The 60 year old man brought tears to even the host. Everyone new that he should stay. The other kids was 19 years old and weighs over 400lbs. He has been told that he wont live past 30. Yikes. The group decided to vote off the 60 year old. I was so so so so so sad. But what I love the most about the biggest loser, are the success stories of those contestants that get voted off. Jerry was able to continue his weight loss journey and had lost a total of something like 86lbs. Way to go Jerry. So instead of tears of sadness, I had tears of joy for him. Relief that he took charge of his life.

This 19 year old was a huge inspiration to me last night as well. He was on the treadmill, RUNNING. RUNNING!!!! And he was yelling with joy and excitment. I thought to myself, "if that 400lb dude can get excited about running, then I can too."

Today I found myself jogging from the car to the Post Office, from the car to the Library. It felt great!!! Now I long for warmer weather. When I can get out and get my jiggly rear end out running. So that I am no longer a jiggle jiggler. I want to feel alive, to get that tingly feeling that you only get when you jog.

Spring, I know your just around the corner. Come quickly, please.

Thoughts

As I was thinking about my "new" journey on the weight loss trail, I was impressed by the strength that I have starting out. Never before have I had such determination and will to do what is right. I'm pretty sure that I had to learn a few lessons and a few light bulbs needed to go off in my head before I could really begin this journey. One of those light bulb moments was during Education Week. I was in a class on Prayer and the Sis. teaching the lesson told us that if we approached the Lord with our righteous desires, he would answer them. It might take some time and effort on our part, but they would be answered. Never have I looked at weight loss as a righteous desire. I always thought it was vain and selfish. But who wants to be sick and afflicted, burdened with the chains of addiction? Until I made that connections, I never went to the Lord before for help. My journey is going to be long, and hard and full of work. But I am so relieved that I can suplicate the Lord with this righteous desire and get help from someone who is far greater and stronger then myself.



Breakfast:

Yogurt



Snack:

Pear, 2oz cheese, 2oz ham



Lunch:

Whole wheat sandwich consisting of a half bell pepper and 2 slices of turkey bacon.

YUMMY!!!!!

Snack:
1 big tablespoon of cookie dough. GOSH DANG IT!!!!
32 OZ. Diet Coke.

Dinner:
Ginormous Salad with pulled pork, and apples.

I am so sick with myself for eating that cookie dough. What the heck was I thinking!!! First I write about how strong I am and then I go and show how weak I am by eating that stinking stuff. Breath. I just took an immediate U-turn and finished the day strong.

Week 2

The weekend was great. In the past, my freeday consisted of an entire weekend. It would start on Friday's at lunch and work it's way through Saturday and Sunday. And sometimes it would go through till Monday morning when the smell of Coconut Banana muffins would waft up my nose and I just can't resist. So my free "day" ends up lasting a whopping 4. Yikes. No wonder I've never been able to lose weight in the past. Not this time. I am so excited that this change has happened with me. When your ready, your ready. Nothing can get in your way. It's awesome!!!



Breakfast:
Protein Shake with frozen strawberries



Snack:
too late for snack



Lunch:
Huge salad consisting of ham, red bell pepper, green onions, 1/4 apple, and pecans
sugar free life saver



snack:
2oz cheese
1/2 pear
4 almonds

Dinner:
Small salad with apple and pecans
3oz ham
steamed broccoli and cauliflower