As I sat waiting for my computer to get started I noticed my reflection in the screen. I realized how my muffin top is accentuated when I sit down. No matter how tall I try to make myself, there it is, oozing over the top of my jeans. This is motivation enough to continue to eat all my vegetables and exercise everyday.
I thought today was a successful day. Although it wasn't perfect. I felt like I did my best. I read some of the Ensign, I worked out and I did cleaning until the kids got home from school. Nothing big, just little organizing here, and putting clothes away there. I had a cookie after my lunch, and a cookie after my dinner. I had all the right snacks and meals. This is how I can live for the rest of my life. And if that means being at a size 16 forever, then so be it. My life was in balance today, and it felt good.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
I continue to Pound
It was my goal this week to not miss a day of exercise. I worked out twice with my friend Melissa and thanks to her I am sore all over. It's a great feeling. Monday and Wednesday I took Beckham and Grace out in the double jogger. I'm trying so hard to not letting my excuse a a busy mother get in the way of my work outs.
I am still struggling with the food part of my lifestyle change. I keep reminding myself that these bad habits weren't formed over night and they aren't going to be resolved over night. I am taking small steps everyday to improve my life. I am still doing so much better then I was doing right after Grace was born. Some how I manage to keep having set back after set back, and it's frustrating. I realize that I'm not going to be perfect at this losing weight thing. One positive thing is that I haven't gained anything back. From my meesley 6 lbs. UGH.
Even though Mandy isn't posting she continues to lose weight. I am so envious of her. I feel as if my worst fear has been confirmed. Even spending x amount of money each month I still can't manage to lose weight. I feel as if I am doomed to be at this weight for the rest of my life.
I know the people around me love me for who I am. That is comforting. But it's not enough for me.
This week I am setting a goal to lose 2 lbs. I will exercise at least 5 days this week. And instead of following Absolute, I am going to go back to Body for Life. That is something that I know I can stick to for the rest of my life. And you get a free day where you can eat what ever the heck you want. Which will be GREAT for me.
I'm trying not to let my disappointment get me down, but it's hard. I was hoping that by getting my priorities straight, I would feel better. I do somewhat. I guess I will continue to pound the pavement of life. Pound out my bad thoughts, pound away my bad feelings and pound away the pounds.
I am still struggling with the food part of my lifestyle change. I keep reminding myself that these bad habits weren't formed over night and they aren't going to be resolved over night. I am taking small steps everyday to improve my life. I am still doing so much better then I was doing right after Grace was born. Some how I manage to keep having set back after set back, and it's frustrating. I realize that I'm not going to be perfect at this losing weight thing. One positive thing is that I haven't gained anything back. From my meesley 6 lbs. UGH.
Even though Mandy isn't posting she continues to lose weight. I am so envious of her. I feel as if my worst fear has been confirmed. Even spending x amount of money each month I still can't manage to lose weight. I feel as if I am doomed to be at this weight for the rest of my life.
I know the people around me love me for who I am. That is comforting. But it's not enough for me.
This week I am setting a goal to lose 2 lbs. I will exercise at least 5 days this week. And instead of following Absolute, I am going to go back to Body for Life. That is something that I know I can stick to for the rest of my life. And you get a free day where you can eat what ever the heck you want. Which will be GREAT for me.
I'm trying not to let my disappointment get me down, but it's hard. I was hoping that by getting my priorities straight, I would feel better. I do somewhat. I guess I will continue to pound the pavement of life. Pound out my bad thoughts, pound away my bad feelings and pound away the pounds.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Amazing Friends
I have 1 minute before I run out the door to Kindergarten graduation (don't tell my kids but it's a pretty silly tradition) and I just wanted to say how AMAZING you guys are (plus I had to post or Amberlyn was going to revoke my invitation).
Your words lift me up and inspire me. Your thoughts and words of encouragement keep me going in this crazy world. Your strength as women; as moms, as wives, as Daughter of God is absolutely incredible. I could not live without you. Well, I could probably survive but I would be a shell of a human being. You buoy me up by just being you. Have a great day and know that I think about you often. And know that you all are truly AMAZING!
Your words lift me up and inspire me. Your thoughts and words of encouragement keep me going in this crazy world. Your strength as women; as moms, as wives, as Daughter of God is absolutely incredible. I could not live without you. Well, I could probably survive but I would be a shell of a human being. You buoy me up by just being you. Have a great day and know that I think about you often. And know that you all are truly AMAZING!
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Concern for the One
There are so many wonderful talks in this Conference addition of the Ensign. Right now the one talk that has stuck out in my mind is titled... Concern for the One by Joseph B. Wirthlin. This talk is wonderful. Here are a few of my favorite parts:
" Even when you feel that your strength can add little, the Church needs you. The Lord needs you. Remember that the Lord often chooses ""week things of the world "" to accomplish His purpose."
If anyone has felt weak in their ability, it has been me. But I know that I am not alone in these feelings. How comforting to know that the Lord still needs us in our weakness. And that our Best is good enough for Him.
"Except for the Lord, we have all made mistakes. The question is not whether we will trip and fall but, rather, how will we respond?"
"The Lord knows we will make mistakes. That is shy He suffered for our sins. He wants us to get back on our feet ans strive to do better. There is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents."
What comforting words. We will make mistakes, and the Lord knows that. That is why we have repentance. Even for the little things that make us fall flat on our faces. Like this morning, when I was the worst mother to Isabel. She had just pushed way too many of my buttons and evening counting to 10 wasn't working. I feel horrible for the way that I have treated her. But I can go to her and apologize and ask for forgiveness. Then ask the Lord for his forgiveness and help to not do it again.
Life is a learning process and I am learning so much by being the Mother to Isabel.
And in response to spiritual gifts, here is a quote for that too...
"In truth, things of the Spirit are revealed by the Spirit."
This was a GREAT talk.
" Even when you feel that your strength can add little, the Church needs you. The Lord needs you. Remember that the Lord often chooses ""week things of the world "" to accomplish His purpose."
If anyone has felt weak in their ability, it has been me. But I know that I am not alone in these feelings. How comforting to know that the Lord still needs us in our weakness. And that our Best is good enough for Him.
"Except for the Lord, we have all made mistakes. The question is not whether we will trip and fall but, rather, how will we respond?"
"The Lord knows we will make mistakes. That is shy He suffered for our sins. He wants us to get back on our feet ans strive to do better. There is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents."
What comforting words. We will make mistakes, and the Lord knows that. That is why we have repentance. Even for the little things that make us fall flat on our faces. Like this morning, when I was the worst mother to Isabel. She had just pushed way too many of my buttons and evening counting to 10 wasn't working. I feel horrible for the way that I have treated her. But I can go to her and apologize and ask for forgiveness. Then ask the Lord for his forgiveness and help to not do it again.
Life is a learning process and I am learning so much by being the Mother to Isabel.
And in response to spiritual gifts, here is a quote for that too...
"In truth, things of the Spirit are revealed by the Spirit."
This was a GREAT talk.
Monday, May 19, 2008
A-HA, You Silly
So, I had a little a-ha moment in Relief Society on Sunday.
We were discussing prayer and personal revelation and I got to thinking about how I receive personal revelation.
Well, as I have struggled with this and really gone through a difficult trial of my faith, I came away with the answer that most often, I receive answers to my prayers when I read my scriptures and other church materials.
So, the silly part was that I had forgotten this!
HELLO.
How do you have a prolonged trial of your faith, come out the other side much, much better, and then forget the results?
It wasn't that I had really forgotten it, but I certainly hadn't been thinking about it very much, and the a-ha moment really came when I realized that I wasn't going to get answers to my prayers unless I was doing the things that help me to get answers.
I told you it was a silly a-ha.
But this is the thing. However it is that you get revelation, and granted there are a ton of ways...and I do get revelation in other ways, but my main way is through reading...well, if you want to maximize your chances for this revelation, and your opportunities to feel the spirit and the Lord directing your life, then you have to do whatever thing it is that helps you stay close to the Lord.
Again, so silly. But, at the same time, it provided me with huge motivation to get off my butt and get going. And so what did I do, I opened the Ensign and started reading. And what did I find? The very first talk (after the solemn assembly) was by Russell M. Nelson.
And why is this significant? Because my patriarchal blessing tells me that I should pay particular attention to whatever Elder Nelson says (BTW, I know this is weird, and I am the only person I know to get this specific of counsel, but apparently I need it.)
Anyways, so I know the Lord is thinking of me. And probably glad that I finally did something.
So, do something...and let me know how it goes!
We were discussing prayer and personal revelation and I got to thinking about how I receive personal revelation.
Well, as I have struggled with this and really gone through a difficult trial of my faith, I came away with the answer that most often, I receive answers to my prayers when I read my scriptures and other church materials.
So, the silly part was that I had forgotten this!
HELLO.
How do you have a prolonged trial of your faith, come out the other side much, much better, and then forget the results?
It wasn't that I had really forgotten it, but I certainly hadn't been thinking about it very much, and the a-ha moment really came when I realized that I wasn't going to get answers to my prayers unless I was doing the things that help me to get answers.
I told you it was a silly a-ha.
But this is the thing. However it is that you get revelation, and granted there are a ton of ways...and I do get revelation in other ways, but my main way is through reading...well, if you want to maximize your chances for this revelation, and your opportunities to feel the spirit and the Lord directing your life, then you have to do whatever thing it is that helps you stay close to the Lord.
Again, so silly. But, at the same time, it provided me with huge motivation to get off my butt and get going. And so what did I do, I opened the Ensign and started reading. And what did I find? The very first talk (after the solemn assembly) was by Russell M. Nelson.
And why is this significant? Because my patriarchal blessing tells me that I should pay particular attention to whatever Elder Nelson says (BTW, I know this is weird, and I am the only person I know to get this specific of counsel, but apparently I need it.)
Anyways, so I know the Lord is thinking of me. And probably glad that I finally did something.
So, do something...and let me know how it goes!
Friday, May 16, 2008
There's always Hope
Yesterday in the mail I received a book that I ordered. It came at just the right time. The title of the book is Finding the Angel Within, Spirituality, Body Image, and Self-Worth. It is by the same author that wrote Running with Angels. I never read that book, but heard her talking about this new one on KSL. I knew I had to read it.
I know that I am at a cross roads in my life. And one of the reasons for starting this blog is so that I wouldn't have to do it alone. Here is a quote from the book, "It can be downright scary to share of ourselves, and we often feel vulnerable to the judgments of others. But there is a real power in sharing and in feeling the support of other people." She further states, " Just to know there are those who will stop along the way with us and carry some of the load can be a tremendous relief." I have felt many of you stop along the way with me, supporting me, helping me, and loving me. I want to do the same for you. I want us to be there for each other in happiest, shinningest moments and in our deepest, darkest times as well. I want us to feel safe, and supported.
Life is hard and we weren't meant to go it alone. The Lord has sent us to each other to help in ways only He knows we can. I am so grateful for all the encouragement and love that I have received.
Let's continue to pound the pavement together.
I know that I am at a cross roads in my life. And one of the reasons for starting this blog is so that I wouldn't have to do it alone. Here is a quote from the book, "It can be downright scary to share of ourselves, and we often feel vulnerable to the judgments of others. But there is a real power in sharing and in feeling the support of other people." She further states, " Just to know there are those who will stop along the way with us and carry some of the load can be a tremendous relief." I have felt many of you stop along the way with me, supporting me, helping me, and loving me. I want to do the same for you. I want us to be there for each other in happiest, shinningest moments and in our deepest, darkest times as well. I want us to feel safe, and supported.
Life is hard and we weren't meant to go it alone. The Lord has sent us to each other to help in ways only He knows we can. I am so grateful for all the encouragement and love that I have received.
Let's continue to pound the pavement together.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Major Discouragment
I haven't yet been able to pick myself up again. I am trying so darn hard, and it's just not enough.
No, I haven't been reading my scriptures. No, I haven't been praying. Can these things effect my day this much?
Where do you find the strength to pick your self up again?
I hate beating a dead Horse.
It has to be in the simple things. But why are the simple things so HARD to follow through with?
No, I haven't been reading my scriptures. No, I haven't been praying. Can these things effect my day this much?
Where do you find the strength to pick your self up again?
I hate beating a dead Horse.
It has to be in the simple things. But why are the simple things so HARD to follow through with?
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