In the Trash

Now that several of our birthday celebrations are over with, I took liberties and threw away all left over crap in the trash.  Left over bags of candy, boxes of sugar cookies.  I didn't eat much candy over the weekend, a few cinnamon hearts, but I did eat more sugar cookies.   I am still an addict, and when stuff is around and I'm super hungry I still reach for the comforting food items.  To combat this, I just threw everything away that I knew was bad for me.  If it's not in the house to tempt me, I am forced to reach for something else. 

I did make some awesome salads over the weekend.  Really good stuff, even my 4 year old couldn't get enough.  I think we will be eating salads for lunch a lot in the future. 

This mornings green smoothy consisted of: 1/2 grapefruit, 1 orange, 1lime, 1 carrot, 1 celery, 1/4 apple, 1/4 pear, 1/4 cucumber, agave, and ice.  Ohhhhh, it's a good one too.  Citrusly Wonderful!!  I am debating on whether or not to move to two smoothies a day.  I think I'll wait to do that the 1st of March. The beginning of the year is so hard for me to stay on track.  What with my birthday, Grace's Birthday, Beckham's birthday and Isabel & Annika's all within a month of each other.  Plus you throw in Valentine's day,and it's cookie, cake, ice cream over load.  I must say, that I did better this year then in past years.  I need to woman up and just simply pass on the girls' birthday cake. 

I keep telling myself that candy is poison.  With that though continually running through my mind, it's been no problem to say no to the stuff.  Of course I still have my moments of weakness, but I still don't eat near as much as I use to. 

The frustrating part is that I'm not losing any weight.  I'm not eating as much as before either.  I am going to have to figure out how to get myself to start losing weight.  I haven't exercised every single day either, but I know tons of people who lose weight without exercising.  Besides, weight loss is 70% nutrition, and 30% exercise.  This week so far I've exercised everyday.  Yes, it's only been two days.  But I didn't let my kids being home yesterday get in the way of my work out.  I'm also following the class schedule for a program called TurboFire.  I am super committed to losing this weight.  I have set more solid dates to reach some of my goals.  Remember those first pair of pants, I would like to fit into those by the time my anniversary rolls around.  I still don't want to step on the scale, so I need to be putting those pants on every friday.  I have to gauge my success by something. 

I still wish losing weight didn't have to be so difficult.  This time will be different though.  It will be permanent.  I'm learning how to live my life the way God intended.  I'm learning how to be truly happy with who I am on the inside and on the outside.  I am learning how to be truly grateful for the things a loving Heavenly Father has bestowed upon me.  There is a great lesson to be learned in this trial.  I might not understand it right now, but I hope to very soon.

There's a Difference

I stopped drinking green smoothies for breakfast for a few days.  Not because I didn't want to drink them, but because I ran out of good things to blend.  As a result I started feeling sick again.  That probably has a lot to do with me being weak and giving into my cravings.  This past week has been a testament to me of how much my body is affected by sugar.  And not just with candy.  I have steered pretty clear of the that.  But sugar in general.  I recognized that I couldn't get up in the mornings.  But when I drink the green smoothies and cut out the sugar, I would automatically wake at 5am, rested and ready to start my day.  It was weird.  I almost felt like bouncing off the walls good. If felt awesome.  This week, I have started feeling sick again.  I can't get myself out of bed and I have to force myself to get things done around the house. 

There are so many other things that are easy for me to say NO to.  All those things would wreak havoc in my life as well.  But sugar, is different.  But now that I can actually recognize how it is affecting me, the choice to leave it alone should be more clear and easy. 

Yesterday was grocery shopping day.  I tried to stay away from processed foods.  It wasn't easy.  I bought mostly fruits, vegetables, whole grains and legumes.  Even though I am on a tight budget I am determined to take on this challenge and prove to myself and my husband that we can still eat healthy and get out of debt.  I was aching for a green smoothy this morning and my fridge was so wonderful to open up and have so many good things calling my name.  This morning I made a smoothy of 1 orange, 1/2 grapefruit, 1/4 apple, 1/2 banana, 1 carrot, 1 celery stalk, 1/4 english cucumber, 2 stalks kale, 1/4 cup water and a handful of ice.  Don't ever forget the ice.  It was a wonderful smoothy.  My goal now is to start adding more veggies to my smoothies.  I found in the beginning it was harder to add more veggies, the texture was just to hard for me to swallow.  But now that I'm several weeks into it, I don't mind it at all. 

Beginning Monday I am going to drink a smoothy for breakfast and lunch.  Just to help get these toxins out of my body and begin to curb my sugar cravings.  It really was amazing what those smoothies did for my body and spirit as a whole.  Because my body felt so good, I was a happier person spiritually.  It was wonderful. 

Green smoothies are awesome!! 

Cookie Overdose

Starting Monday we got an influx of sugar cookies.  In my home growing up we had sugar cookies on two holidays, Valentine's and Halloween.  Not sure why, but we always did.  It started to be something that I looked forward to.  I began that same tradition in my own family.  My sweet sister-in-law brought over some sugar cookies on Monday.  They were big and delicious.  I ate mine as soon as she set foot out the door.  I was quickly reminded that I needed to make some for myself and maybe a few neighbors.  So I made the dough that night.  I spent all morning long laboring over these cookies.  I made 5 plates to give to a few ladies in the ward, ladies I visit teach and my companion.  I still had gobs left over.  I frosted one for each of my kids, one for the hubs, and one for me.  I tell you what, they were the best sugar cookies I've ever made.  And maybe it's because I haven't been having too many sweets lately.  But let me tell you what, those suckers were like shots of morphine.  I couldn't leave those things alone.  That's not the end of the sugar cookie story.  In the early afternoon my Mom drove up from Provo to deliver yet another plate of unfrosted sugar cookies with sweet valentines for the each of us.  So sweet of her to drive all the way down.  Then after dinner, my brother and his wife dropped by with a bag filled with not one, but two containers of sugar cookies and frosting from Macey's.  That would make their delivery alone a total of 24 cookies!!!  AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!  I'm glad to say that the Macey's cookies were not, and still not a temptation to me.  But my cookies, people, it's been a difficult few days. 

Hi, I'm Amberlyn and I'm an addict.  I'm addict to sugar.  I think the reason I did so well for the past few weeks is due to the fact that I had no sugar to speak of in the house.  Now that it's been reintroduced into my little world I find that I have very little, if any at all, self control.  ***sigh*** 

I find comfort in the fact that at my sit down meals I am making super good choices.  Passing on the cheapo hot dogs, opting for the left over whole grain spagetti and fresh fruit.  Eating oat groats for breakfast and drinking water.  It's that darn sugar.  I just need to throw it all out.  I should have.  But I have a husband and children who adore the stuff as well.  But they don't have weight problems.  I do. 

I knew there would be set backs.  But I just never expected it to be so soon.  Maybe by saying(typing) that out loud I was setting myself up for a set back.  Is that even possible?  I was listening to a Dr. this morning on 101.9 whose name is Dr. Matt.  There was a women who called and tried to convince him that she was afraid of success.  He asked her if the more appropriate question to ask was, Are you afraid of failing?  As she thought about it for a moment she said, Yes.  She has negative self talk, which leads to self doubt and then failure.  As I listened to that conversation I realized that I am like that woman in more ways then one.  In the past I was a ton more like her.  The only reason I feel like this time is going to be different is there are no underlying feelings of doubt.  Yes, I might get discouraged, but I am not going to let that get in the way of my success. 

There is a lot more that I could say at this juncture, but then I would just be blabbing.  I will leave my other thoughts for tomorrow.  For they are good ones. 

I am grateful for my body.  The sacred gift that it is.  I am grateful for this journey that I am on.  Change is still happening.  I feel it in the depths of my soul. 

Can't help it, hungry all the time

I wish I could say that I had an outstanding weekend.  But I didn't.  In fact, it was not a good weekend at all.  I slipped back into an old habit and bought some candy while at the store on Saturday.  I even had some red vines while I watched a movie.  I passed on cake and ice cream on Sunday, which was a good thing.  I ate a sugar cookie today.  And you know what, I feel like crap.  Not emotionally, cuz I made the conscious decision to eat all those item.  I mean, I feel like crap physically.  Candy and sugar are poison to my body. 

I am having a moment of self pity, and self doubt.  I was doing so good for so many weeks.  I had several moments of weakness.  But I need to pick myself up and keep going.  Brush off the dust from my fall and move forward with more determination then ever.  I will be relieved when Birthdays are over and Valentine's too. 

I know that I am an addict, and it's so hard to go into pretty much any store and be tempted by my choice of drug.  It truly is a battle every single day of my life. 

Tomorrow is going to be better.  I have to get this gunk out of my system.  I was feeling fantastic for a short little while.  I want that feeling back.  I want it back.  What price am I willing to pay to get it back?  Sacrifice my desire for candy and sugar.  No matter how much I think my mind wants it, my body does not.  My body is trying to tell that to me right now. 

My goals for this week:
1. To not eat any candy or sugar.  Except for the chocolate covered strawberries I have planned to serve my family tomorrow.
2. I must eat more veggies and fruits at every meal.  
3. Make scripture study a priority.
4. Make sure to exercise 4-5 times again this week.  
5. Celebrate small accomplishments.  And not with food. 

I will wear those clothes in my closet again.  I'm not going to let my choice of drug get in the way! 

What is your choice of drug?  If you have one, what do you do to keep it out of your life?

Increased Exercise = Increased Hunger

I have exercised for 3 days this week.  I have 2 more to go until I reach my goal this week.  The past two mornings I've been doing a work out titled Turbo Fire.  And let me tell you, I've been sweating A LOT.  This morning was border line disgusting.  But it felt good to be that sweaty.  I know that I am burning fat and calories and that is just awesome!!  There is a slight down fall to so much intense exercise, increased hunger.  I am so hungry all the time.  My body must be burning through my energy food.  I have faced this before and have never really known how to defeat the problem.  I think I will just welcome hunger as my friend.  It's alerting me to the fact that I am working hard, right?  Or I guess I could feed my body and apple, orange or something like that.  I could also drink more water.  Which I have been doing.  3pm is close at hand and this is the hardest time for me to defeat this raging hunger.  I better do something to combat it.  I think I'll go make a relish tray for my kids as their after school snack.  I can eat all the veggies I want.  Good idea.  Brilliant.  Let's go with that. 

I struggled looking in the mirror this morning.  I so desire to see change that it's disappointing when I don't.  Right now I guess change is going to be small.  And those small changes are slowly going to add up to something big and rewarding.  How can someone who hasn't eaten candy or soda and not much sweets not lose any weight?  Maybe my body is trying to heal it's self first before it starts to lose anything.  Your right, it hasn't even been 2 weeks yet.  I need to continually tell myself that permanent change takes time.  I need to allow myself time.  But gosh darn-nit, I want it NOW!!!!  Haven't you ever wanted something so badly and you wanted it right then and there?  Unfortunately my want isn't something that can happen with the wave of a magic wand, although that would be nice.  Anyone know where I can get a hold of a Harry Potter wand? 

I guess I'll just have to keep working and working hard.  So far it's still quiet easy.  Easy because I am determined.  I guess it's easy in a difficult way.  That probably doesn't even make any sense. 

Last night I made some delicious chicken that I breaded in home made whole wheat biscuits.  I was watching diners, drive-ins and dives and this women breaded EVERYTHING in her old stale biscuits.  I thought to myself, I have biscuits sitting in the pantry that I know no one is going to eat, cuz they prefer the white ones.  My family tends to lean towards all things white.  I let them sit out all day on the counter, getting good and dry.  Then I ground them up in the food processor.  I then did the typical dredging technique, cooked them in a little bit of coconut oil(no it did not change the taste of the chicken).  I think that is by far a more healthier version of Parmesan chicken, and the kids and husband gobbled it up.   I ate mine with a side of roasted butternut squash and sauted green beans.  I made smashed potatoes for everyone else.  Of course I had to taste the potatoes to make sure they were eatable.  And they were.  I made sure of it with a few more bites.  For some reason smashed potatoes never tasted so good!! 

After my work out the instructor said something that I loved.  She told the audience that you have to celebrate all the small accomplishments, like finishing a hard work out.  I am still trying to focus on my small accomplishments, and little miracles.  Like I keep saying, those small things will finally add up to something big and profound. 

I just hope I have enough patience to watch it happen.

A closet full of clothes

My weight has fluctuated since the birth of my last child.  Heavy, a little lighter, Heavy, even Heavier, a little lighter.  Through it all I have a closet full of clothes that sometimes fit beautifully and other times torture me every time I step foot in my closet.  I was doing some organization in that closet and though I'd might get rid of a few items.  A feeling stopped me from doing so.  Even though I am at a heavier time in my life, very soon, some of those clothes I will be able to fit into again.  And a little while longer, hopefully those clothes will even fit a little lose.

It's hard to look at clothes you were once able to wear and can no longer.  There is an ache in my heart to get back to wearing those clothes.  And only one thing can help me do that, self discipline.  Of course goals are important too.  Instead of letting those clothes hold me back, it gives me a greater desire to practice self-discipline and replace bad habits with good ones.  Like opening a piece of gum rather then the pantry.  Drinking water rather then soda.  Munching on veggies rather then candy.

Life will change for me.  I'm sure of it.  Even though I haven't lost a ton of weight since quitting soda and candy, I'm confident that it will soon start to fall off.  Maybe slowly at first.  But I'm sure that as soon as I get myself into a regular exercise routine that it will hopefully begin to fall off more quickly.  And if it doesn't despite the change in my diet and level of activity, I am prepared to accept myself for the way that I am.  And I will buy a new wardrobe and give away my clothes to someone else.  They will be truly lucky cuz I have some stinking cute things in that closet of mine.  But that's not positive thinking.  I promised myself to continue with being positive.  Changes will come, only time will tell when. 

Living Life Without Licking the Bowl

There are several things in my life that are very tempting to me.  Anything with the words lime and coconut, chocolate, ice cream, Mexican food(especially the crusty melted cheese on top of an enchilada), cookie dough(let's face it people, I make cookies for the dough, not the cookies), and licking the bowl after making brownies or cakes.  YUM!! 

Today is my sweet daughter's 4th birthday.  I am going to be making her a Princess Belle cake.  I hope it turns out.  I am NOT a good backer or decorator, let's not kid ourselves.  This morning I beat the batter, and not once did I lick the bowl, or the spatula.  What is this world coming to when Amberlyn Wood doesn't lick the bowl or the spoon??!!  I think the heavens, planets, stars or something have worked magic on my soul.  What ever it is, it's amazing!! 

It feels awesome to want to do something out of love for self, rather then hate.  I'm doing this now because I am grateful for my body and want it to live a long time.  I'm not doing it because I hate my body and I'm not living up to what the world thinks I should look like.  That is a tremendous, life altering difference.  It makes making good choices easy. 

Yesterday I turned 36.  Ya, I know, I'm getting old.  Only 4 more years until I turn 40.  I am hoping that by gaining a healthier me, aging wont be so difficult. 

This morning I still had a green smoothy.  And it was delicious.  I love that I can start my day with spinach and kale tasting like peanut butter and bananas. 

I need to let it be known what my goals are for this week.  I am focusing on weekly goals.  Baby steps. 

1. Exercise at least 5 times
2. Drink a smoothy every morning for breakfast.
3. Learn more about legumes
4. Make sure to incorporate some kind of whole grain at lunch and dinner.
5. Continue to be positive and exercise self-discipline.