Last night my friends and I successfully gathered for our first support group. I've been trying to pull one together for months now. It was a relief to talk with other women who struggle with the same things that I do. Who have the same emotions, feelings, and challenges that I do. Although we are in different places our goal is the same, over come our dysfunctional relationship with food. We took turns going around talking about our struggles. We then read the first step in the Church's addiction recovery program. It was comforting to know that even if we have the smallest desire to change, we can begin the process.
My goal for this week is to complete the study and understanding section of Step 1. I am also going to incorporate 12 power foods into my daily life. I'm pretty excited. I am ready to cleanse myself and allow the Atonement to help me overcome and move forward. I know it's not going to be easy. Change sometimes isn't easy and takes a lot of work, study and more work. I just need to remember to not give up. I CAN'T give up.
Step 1-- Honesty.
There were several quotes that were profound:
A recognition of what you lose by indulging in your addiction can help you find the desire to stop. If you can find even the smallest desire, you will have room to begin step 1. And as you progress through the steps of this program and see the changes that come into your life, your desire will grow.
I didn't think I lost anything when I indulged. As I thought more about is last night I realized that I lose out on my relationship with my kids, I withdrawal from my husband, and I feel abandoned by God. I also lose hope that I have the strength to overcome.
President Boyd K. Packer of the Quorum of the Twelves taught: "The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior."
All I can think about is how fat I am and how I don't want to be fat anymore. In that thought process I become fat. This quote has given me a new way to combat my problem. Stop obsessing about my fat, and start studying doctrine. It is through the study of Christ that I will begin to finally change. Because that change will come from the INSIDE, not the outside.
I've never been good at studying or research. This will be a tremendous challenge for me. But it's a challenge I'm willing to take on.
