Progress

With progress comes all sorts of feelings and emotions. I am working so hard at being just a better me. I haven't written in a while and I find that I don't keep myself in check as much. I have stopped consciously dieting. I get too upset with myself. Even when I find success, it's just not enough. So now I am trying to focus on my good parts. My curves, a good butt, great hair (now that it's starting to grow out again), long fingers. I've found that I've been focusing too much on the negative and that the positives have been left behind in the dust. There's obviously good things about me because I do have friends.
I am going to try harder to write more often. This is so different then my other blog. This one is really for me. To help me be a better me.

10 things that I love about today:

It's finally sunny and warm
I worked out HARD this morning
I made it to Park Days and had some good conversations with other women
Grace is still sleeping
Cub Scouts had to be canceled
My mini rose bushes are blooming
I talked with my sister on the phone
The white whispy clouds against a brilliant blue sky
The cool breeze against my sweaty warm skin
I am having good thoughts about life

My Mii

If you have read my other blog you know that my husband shows his love for me by buying things. Just yesterday in the mail I got my new gift, a Wii Fit game. I was and still am excited about being able to do yoga and strength training!!! But the one thing I HATE, and I don't like using the work hate because it is such a STRONG word, is that the game calls me names!!! Yes, it does!!! As I stood on the balancing board and waited for the stupid thing to weigh me and figure out my BMI my skinny Mii quickly morphed into a FAT Mii and the game proceeded to tell me that I am obese!! Yes, OBESE, stop calling me names!!!!! Yes, I am caring a few, okay maybe more then a few, extra pounds. But I don't believe that I am OBESE!!! When I think of the word obese I think of someone hulled up in their home and can't get up off the coach and walk into the kitchen for a drink of water!!! That's obese. I'm NOT obese, I don't care what that stupid balance board says!!! Yes, I am OVERWEIGHT, but not obese. So after establishing my condition we proceeded to set some goals. Which is pretty cool. I let you know how long it takes for me Not to be that nasty word that I know hate so badly.

Watching Others

It is so hard to watch others succeed at what you can not. It's hard watching other Mom's who have just had babies look skinny again. It's hard to watch your life pass by waiting to attain something that might not be meant for you. So I no longer am going to watch, other people that is. I am going to watch myself, the good, the progress, and the disappointments. There will always be disappointment. Dang, I need to get that new pair of capris and soon.

Random Thoughts

Lately I have made a point to watch Oprah. Tragic as it may be, sometimes she actually has good segments. The last few episodes have been on weight and accepting yourself for who you are. The episode this past friday was about feeling good about yourself Naked. Yes, naked. As these brave women bared it all to millions of people I realized something, I look just like them. I have a body that is not perfect, but it is beautiful. My body has been strong enough to bare 6 children and then even stronger to take care of them. Yes, baring these children has taken it's toll on me. My stomach will never be washboard tight, not that it ever was. My boob will never be perky and saluting the sun as it comes up in the morning. But my stretched marked stomach gave life My now sagging and constantly expanding and draining breast still sustain life. Which is so much more important then me being a size 6. Sure it would be nice, but that wont bring me happiness.
So I am taking the steps to accept myself for who I am at this very moment. A lactating mother of 6, who has the curves to prove it. I am going to go out and purchase clothing that accentuates all my gorgeous curves. Yes, I do fit into clothing that I had before Grace, but their just a little bit too tight and I want something that makes me feel GREAT. I really truly believe that if you feel good in your clothing, you feel GREAT about yourself. And when you feel GREAT about yourself you treat yourself so much better. And besides, summer is starting, I need that boost to get me going.