This morning while doing the level 3 of my Biggest Loser Cardio DVD, Kim Lyons said something that really hit me hard. Those personal trainers always manage to be so uplifting and encouraging, which I guess is how it should be. Anyway, at the very end she said that it's not about perfection, it's about progress. I thought to myself, that's it. That's what I should be focused on. This whole time I have been focused on perfection. When what I should really be focused on is progress. Everyday I am progressing toward a more healthier me. I am not going to be perfect. It's not required that I be perfect. All I have to do is strive to be a littel better everyday, progress a little more everyday. What a relief.
Yesterday I went jogging by myself as soon as Brent walked through the door. I really wanted to challange myself, challange my body to change. Which is something else Kim Lyons encourages you to do. So that's what I did. I overcame my mind and pushed myself and ran 1.5 miles without stopping. For me, that's amazing and it was exhilerating!! I even sprinted the last block. Today I also went on a 2 mile walk with Grace. It felt so great to be out in the sunshine and a melting winter. I am determined to work off my terrible weekend. I gained it all in my gut. Sheesh, it's disgusting. That's why I'm working out twice a day.
7:30am breakfast:
tortilla scrambler
10:30am snack:
1/2 cup cottage cheese
5 ritz crackers
1:30pm lunch:
tuna sandwhich on whole wheat with pickles
pinch of trail mix
2 small graham cracker squares
3:30pm snack:
3 TBL trail mix
1 small apple
6:00pm dinner:
butternut squash soup
roasted beets
1 slice whole wheat bread
1/4 cup cottage cheese(had to squeeze in some protien)
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Bad to worse
I wish I could tell you that my weekend went so much better then my Friday. But then I would be a lier. That isn't being honest with you or myself. Saturday went much better only because I was away from home. I went to a Stake Enrichment activity which was really well put together and the lunch was fantastic. I would have gone back for seconds but no one at my table was going back either so I didn't want to look like a complete pig. Saturday evening we took the kids to the Draper Temple Open House. The line to get inot the Temple was a 45 minute wait, standing and slowly moving. Making a long story short, 3 out the the 6 kids had meltdowns which caused me to have a meltdown, internally. Sunday, it just go worse and worse and worse. I ended up being the scariest monster mom I have ever been. Screaming and saliva shooting straight from my mouth. I even threatened to leave. It was not pretty. Tears and boogers were had by all. Even my oldest was in tears. Let me repeat, IT WAS NOT A GOOD WEEKEND. I ate my way through the whole thing. Not only did I eat my way through, I spent a long time on my knees begging for help. Trying to understand what is going on in my life. The spirit whispered to me that I have been neglecting my children. Did it really take the whisperings of the spirit to realize that? I guess so. I have been so obsessed with losing weight that my house, home, and family have suffered severly. Yes, my children should know how to better behave. But I am their Mother. I am the one that should be gently guiding and encouraging them. Instead I have been casually going through motherhood and a strictly going through life for myself these past 7 weeks. But their has to, no, their MUST be a way where I can balance my longed for new lifestyle and being a mother and a homemaker. I have pretty much all day to myself. I need to be more prepared and more available to my children when they come home. Thoughts of myself need to be set aside for a few hours and focus on them. During the day I can focus on me and the house. But my children NEED me, duh. And I NEED my children.
I refuse to give up on weight loss. ABSOLUTELY REFUSE!!!! I once again started this week with a renewed committment. I got up, worked out with the Biggest Loser. When Grace woke up I got her a bottle and stuck her in bed with Brent. I need his support in this endeavor as well. I had a great breakfast and I am determined to stay on track today and for the rest of the week. Life doesn't stop so I can lose weight and figure my new lifestyle. It keeps going and I am required to move along with it. Or else it wouldn't be true change would it?
9am breakfast:
2 turkey bacon slices
1 egg, 1 egg white
1 fajita carb control tortilla
snack:
none
Noon lunch:
chicken salad
3:30pm snack:
3/4 cup cottage cheese
1/2 cup grapes
1/2 chocolate chip cookie. I honestly tried holding my breath when I handed these out to my kids. Obviously my strategy didn't work all that well.
5:30pm dinner:
Chicken and roasted beet salad
I couldn't finish the salad. there was something nasty tasting in it. It must have been the pecans. I had a slice of whole wheat bread with peanut butter and jelly on it. And finished the day with a half a cookie.
I refuse to give up on weight loss. ABSOLUTELY REFUSE!!!! I once again started this week with a renewed committment. I got up, worked out with the Biggest Loser. When Grace woke up I got her a bottle and stuck her in bed with Brent. I need his support in this endeavor as well. I had a great breakfast and I am determined to stay on track today and for the rest of the week. Life doesn't stop so I can lose weight and figure my new lifestyle. It keeps going and I am required to move along with it. Or else it wouldn't be true change would it?
9am breakfast:
2 turkey bacon slices
1 egg, 1 egg white
1 fajita carb control tortilla
snack:
none
Noon lunch:
chicken salad
3:30pm snack:
3/4 cup cottage cheese
1/2 cup grapes
1/2 chocolate chip cookie. I honestly tried holding my breath when I handed these out to my kids. Obviously my strategy didn't work all that well.
5:30pm dinner:
Chicken and roasted beet salad
I couldn't finish the salad. there was something nasty tasting in it. It must have been the pecans. I had a slice of whole wheat bread with peanut butter and jelly on it. And finished the day with a half a cookie.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Confessions of an angry, frustrated dieter
Yesterday was the day. Yesterday was the day that I cheated. Yesterday was the day that I caved to my frustration with my children and fed my anger, fed my stress, fed my disappointment in being a mother, fed those cravings that I've been having for a week now.
Do you ever have those days where you feel like a mother in the wild who turns on her children and eats them? Yesterday was one of those days. What's ironic about the whole thing is that I've been trying hard every morning to wake my kids at 7am and read the scriptures. You'd think we'd be blessed for that valiant effort. WRONGO!!!! Yesterday morning was filled with fighting, bickerind, screaming, yelling, anger, frutsration, thoughts of quiting this whole thing called motherhood and family. I know, none of you have ever felt like this before. Well, I do. Due to such a terrible morning, I treated myself to Sensuous Sandwich and had a chocolate cream filled cookie to go along. Then, when I got home I had handful after handful of m&m's. Damn those stupid things. But it didn't end there. I had home made pizza, sixlets, and a small bowl of ice cream. I screwed up, why try and make it better.
As I ended my day I felt like I had so many many many times before when I do what I'm not suppose to do. I went to bed feeling guilty, and like a failure. I caved. I quit. I cheated. I didn't have the will power to go for a walk instead of feeding my terrible emotions. That's what i should have done. Instead of going out to eat, I should have gone on a walk.
Next time.
I'm glad that I recognized what triggors my eating binges. Those triggors are feelings of anger toward my children, screaming at my children then consequent feelings of failure as a mother.
I should have knelt down and prayer and asked for help. I needed to fold my arms, close my eyes and start over, just like I tell my kids to do.
I can't take back yesterday. All I can do is be better today. Move forward and realize that I am an inperfect human who makes mistakes. I did just what Satan wanted me to do yesterday. I sabbotaged myself.
My desire and determination to lose weight hasn't lessened. That's why I am even more determined to learn from my mistakes from yesterday and do better the next time.
I am also asking for a blessing from Brent. I really think I need the added help. More for the help as a mother then anything. This life is too hard to go it alone.
Do you ever have those days where you feel like a mother in the wild who turns on her children and eats them? Yesterday was one of those days. What's ironic about the whole thing is that I've been trying hard every morning to wake my kids at 7am and read the scriptures. You'd think we'd be blessed for that valiant effort. WRONGO!!!! Yesterday morning was filled with fighting, bickerind, screaming, yelling, anger, frutsration, thoughts of quiting this whole thing called motherhood and family. I know, none of you have ever felt like this before. Well, I do. Due to such a terrible morning, I treated myself to Sensuous Sandwich and had a chocolate cream filled cookie to go along. Then, when I got home I had handful after handful of m&m's. Damn those stupid things. But it didn't end there. I had home made pizza, sixlets, and a small bowl of ice cream. I screwed up, why try and make it better.
As I ended my day I felt like I had so many many many times before when I do what I'm not suppose to do. I went to bed feeling guilty, and like a failure. I caved. I quit. I cheated. I didn't have the will power to go for a walk instead of feeding my terrible emotions. That's what i should have done. Instead of going out to eat, I should have gone on a walk.
Next time.
I'm glad that I recognized what triggors my eating binges. Those triggors are feelings of anger toward my children, screaming at my children then consequent feelings of failure as a mother.
I should have knelt down and prayer and asked for help. I needed to fold my arms, close my eyes and start over, just like I tell my kids to do.
I can't take back yesterday. All I can do is be better today. Move forward and realize that I am an inperfect human who makes mistakes. I did just what Satan wanted me to do yesterday. I sabbotaged myself.
My desire and determination to lose weight hasn't lessened. That's why I am even more determined to learn from my mistakes from yesterday and do better the next time.
I am also asking for a blessing from Brent. I really think I need the added help. More for the help as a mother then anything. This life is too hard to go it alone.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
A week of quiters
I talked with Melissa yesterday. She learned from some t.v. program that this is the week that dieters that started in January usually quit. I never thought I would last this long!!! The last few weeks have been rough emotionally. This week I am struggling with the food. Already today my choices have been crap. I think I knew subconciously that this Month was going to be difficult. It's my birthday, plus 4 of my children's birthdays. That's a lot of cake and celebrating and will power. I don't want to be one of those people that quits this week. I know I've been weak eating and exercising this week. But it's not the end of me. I once again need to re-focus and get going again. I want this too badly to quit this easily.
After talking with Melissa she told me that the way that I've been feeling is normal. I'm glad that I am not the only that has an internal battle with herself.
breakfast:
1 slice whole wheat bread (80)
2tsp peanut butter (60)
1tsp jam(20)(160)
snack:
wheat thins(140)
1/2 cup cottage cheese(80)(220) (820)
lunch:
ham and turkey and whole wheat
sprouts, bell pepper, red onion(300)
snack:
1/2 cup cottage cheese(80)
3 tbl trail mix (140)
dinner:
1 hamberger(200)
pecan and blue cheese salad(200)
2 squares of cinnamon graham cracker(40)
grand total: 1340
After talking with Melissa she told me that the way that I've been feeling is normal. I'm glad that I am not the only that has an internal battle with herself.
breakfast:
1 slice whole wheat bread (80)
2tsp peanut butter (60)
1tsp jam(20)(160)
snack:
wheat thins(140)
1/2 cup cottage cheese(80)(220) (820)
lunch:
ham and turkey and whole wheat
sprouts, bell pepper, red onion(300)
snack:
1/2 cup cottage cheese(80)
3 tbl trail mix (140)
dinner:
1 hamberger(200)
pecan and blue cheese salad(200)
2 squares of cinnamon graham cracker(40)
grand total: 1340
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Dazed and Confused
Last night during my sleepless night I wrestled with my weightloss and thoughts of complete and utter failure. I was resigned to the fact that I am the designated fat girl. How is it possible that I try so hard and have such a difficult time. I was ready to completely give up. But if that were true I would have had a hamberger and fries at McDonald's yesterday, I would have had pizza with the family, and also cake and ice cream. But I didn't. I continued with my determination to succeed. Isn't that a victory for me? I haven't exercised at all this week. I am still trying to gain my energy back. Not sleeping enough is taking it's toll on me, plus the whole diareah thing. I stepped on the scale this morning, like I always do Wednesday mornings, buck naked. I was pleasantly surprised that I have lost another 1.5lbs. I must be doing something right, right? How can I not lose weight when I take ALL TREATS out of my daily intake. How can I not lose weight when I am so careful with the food that I put into my mouth? I have been drinking 3 liters of water everyday this week. So I KNOW my weight loss is not water. I have been keeping myself hydrated. I'm just so down on myself. I think this is another hurdle that I have to overcome. This is a LIFESTYLE change that I have already committed to accept. This is the first time when my eating has come naturally and making good choices is second nature. Again, that's another victory for me right? This weight took me years to gain. So what if it takes me several months. I'm doing what is right for my body. I am improving my quality of life. I am being a good example to my girls and even my boys. That's what matters most. Yes, the weightloss is important to me. But I am ready to accept that this might be a slow process, and to let the weight fall when it's ready. I have to prove to my body and soul that I am serious.
Bottom line, what I'm doing is working. And I'm doing it without pills, shots or green tea.
breakfast:
protien shake made with water (120)
1 slice whole wheat bread(80)
2tsp peanut butter(60)
1 tsp jam(20)(280)
snack:
5 pinches of m&m
lunch:
tuna sandwich(300)
pinch of m&m(gosh dang it)(60)
couple bites of sugar cookie(gosh dang it)(80)
I had to send a treat with Beckham to preschool and didn't get to the store. I had some left over sugar cookie dough left in the fridge and some m&ms on top of the fridge. So I rolled and cut out the dough and placed 5 red candies on the dough. You know, 5 for Beckham turning 5. I thought frosting would be to messy. Any-hoo. While sorting out the red m&m from the pink and white ones the smell came wafting up to my nose and I took just one. Well, m&m's are one of those foods that you can't have just one. So I caved, and had 3 here, 3 there. I have been doing so good and staying so strong. Then I just had to take a bite of a cookie to see how it tasted with the chocolate on it. Oh well. I'm making and immediate u-turn and staying strong. It was hard for me to admit that I had those. But to be successful I need to continue to be honest and write down my ups and downs, and everything that I eat. I really feel like that is what's helping me stay on track.
snack:
1/2 cup cottage cheese(80)
3 tbls trail mix(120)
dinner:
1/2 cup asparagas and quinoa salad(200)
1/4 cup pulled pork(200)
stupid bite of cookie(20)
1/2 small apple(20)
2 tsp peanut butter(60)
Bottom line, what I'm doing is working. And I'm doing it without pills, shots or green tea.
breakfast:
protien shake made with water (120)
1 slice whole wheat bread(80)
2tsp peanut butter(60)
1 tsp jam(20)(280)
snack:
5 pinches of m&m
lunch:
tuna sandwich(300)
pinch of m&m(gosh dang it)(60)
couple bites of sugar cookie(gosh dang it)(80)
I had to send a treat with Beckham to preschool and didn't get to the store. I had some left over sugar cookie dough left in the fridge and some m&ms on top of the fridge. So I rolled and cut out the dough and placed 5 red candies on the dough. You know, 5 for Beckham turning 5. I thought frosting would be to messy. Any-hoo. While sorting out the red m&m from the pink and white ones the smell came wafting up to my nose and I took just one. Well, m&m's are one of those foods that you can't have just one. So I caved, and had 3 here, 3 there. I have been doing so good and staying so strong. Then I just had to take a bite of a cookie to see how it tasted with the chocolate on it. Oh well. I'm making and immediate u-turn and staying strong. It was hard for me to admit that I had those. But to be successful I need to continue to be honest and write down my ups and downs, and everything that I eat. I really feel like that is what's helping me stay on track.
snack:
1/2 cup cottage cheese(80)
3 tbls trail mix(120)
dinner:
1/2 cup asparagas and quinoa salad(200)
1/4 cup pulled pork(200)
stupid bite of cookie(20)
1/2 small apple(20)
2 tsp peanut butter(60)
grand total:1420
Holy CRAP!!!! That is way way way way too many calories. What the heck happened? Temptation is what happened. I can't let myself have another day like this. That was ridiculous. To think that my days before this were filled with 10 times as many indulges. Handfuls of m&ms, several cookies, bowls of ice cream at night. I have found that since I've started encorporating carbs back into my diet, that my cravings for sweets has increased. I can't seem to curb those cravings either. So now I find myself in another cunundrum. I need the carbs to fuel my brain and muscles and to give me energy, but they give me major cravings. I don't want the cravings. When I didn't eat carbs, I had no cravings and I seemed fuller longer. Now, I just feel empty all day long. Which is ridiculous. I need help. I don't know who to turn to for help. Where is the balance? I guess I will continue to plug along. I will really buckld down and try and stick strickly to the Body for Life program. I am going to re-read the book tonight and get my facts straight. If I continue to have a difficult time with the cravings, I'm just going to have to bag the carbs and go back to Absolute.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Simple Answers
Last week while I was doing the laundry that still small voices whispered to me, " pray to love veggies." What? Yup, it's true. I had been praying fervently to know how to be more successful with this weight loss gig. And the answer came quietly and unexpectedly. I had never thought to pray to love veggies. Make sense though, right? Not to say that I hate veggies. I don't mind them, their just not my super favs. By loving veggies I'm sure I will incorporate them more into my diet. Why wouldn't you eat something you love? So now I am praying to love veggies, to find new recipes for veggies that are on sale.
breakfast:
1 slice whole wheat bread(80)
1 slice turkey bacon(70)
1 egg(45)
snack:
5 wheat thins(45)
lunch:
southwest grilled chicken salad(320)
salad dressing(33)
snack:
1/2 cup cottage cheese(90)
3 TBL trail mix(130)
dinner:
3/4 pita pizza(200)
1 cup butternut squash soup(50)
snack:
sugar free jello (20)
1/4 cup cool whip lite (40)
grand total :1020
breakfast:
1 slice whole wheat bread(80)
1 slice turkey bacon(70)
1 egg(45)
snack:
5 wheat thins(45)
lunch:
southwest grilled chicken salad(320)
salad dressing(33)
snack:
1/2 cup cottage cheese(90)
3 TBL trail mix(130)
dinner:
3/4 pita pizza(200)
1 cup butternut squash soup(50)
snack:
sugar free jello (20)
1/4 cup cool whip lite (40)
grand total :1020
Monday, February 16, 2009
Today's Good Eats
This is the size of water bottle that I drank today.3 liters
1 slice whole wheat bread(60)
1 slice turkey bacon(35)
1 egg, 1 egg white (75)
1 green onion(10)
1/4 large banana(15)(195)
snack:
3tbl trail mix(140)
cheese stick(80)(220)
lunch:
2 slices whole wheat bread
tuna with light and a little regular mayo
2 baby pickles (405)(380 left to eat)
snack:
3/4 small apple(35)
2 tsp peanut butter(60)
5 wheat thins(45)(140)
dinner:
2 cups Butternut Squash Soup(100)
1 whole wheat bread with 1 tablespoon motz. cheese(100)
Sugar free jell-o(20)
1/4 cup cool whip free(40)(260)
grand total 1180
That's better right? I didn't do to well with my protein at dinner. I need to pick up some cottage cheese at the store tomorrow. That is a perfect protein, according to Bill Philips. I also did awesome with my water consumption. As pictured above, I drank that entire bottle of water. Which amounts to 3 liters. Yay for me.
I didn't exercise at all today. My stomach is still recovering and I just didn't have the energy. Okay, your right. I'm just trying to justify myself. I'll do better tomorrow.
Keep positive, stay motivated. I have the power. I refuse to let myself get in the way of my success.
6th Weigh In
This week I managed to lose 1.5 lbs. Wait, let's see, how much did I gain last week? 3lbs. I lost those 3lbs, plus 1.5lbs. So I guess that evened everything out. I wish I could just erase that stupid weekend of my birthday. That gives me a grand total of 12lbs lost in 6 weeks.
I can't believe it's been 6 weeks since my adventure into losing weight. Out of all the weeks that I've had, this one has been the hardest by far. This might be TMI, but the last 3 days I've had the runs. And still have them this morning. I don't think I have a bug either. I am so worried about losing weight it's caused me some major stress. Plus, I think my body has finally said that eating under 1000 calories isn't healthy. There in lies my stress. I feel like to lose this weight I have to be perfect at my eating. After all, nutrition is 80% of weight loss. GOSH DANG IT!!!
I am still going to count my calories just to keep myself in check. But I am gonig to follow the Body For Life eating program. Which is a portion of protien and a portion of carb at every meal plus a serving of veggies at least 2 meals. It's okay for me to have high quality carbs like whole wheat tortillas, whole wheat bread and long grain brown rice. I don't really want to add back in those carbs, but I really think my body needs them. Especially with the intense work outs that I've been doing in the mornings.
Which brings me to this morning. I have no motivation to work out. I know I must. But I feel like poo and just want to go back to bed. I was hoping to sleep in since it is a holiday. But no go. Grace was up at 6:30am and the phone rang and Brent and Jaren had to get up to do flags. There goes my morning.
My new goals for this week are to:
1. Follow Body for Life eating program
2. Drink lots and lots of water
3. Stay motivated and positive.
4. Not to get discouraged by my lingering gut.
my weight as of Feb. 15, 2008 187lbs
I can't believe it's been 6 weeks since my adventure into losing weight. Out of all the weeks that I've had, this one has been the hardest by far. This might be TMI, but the last 3 days I've had the runs. And still have them this morning. I don't think I have a bug either. I am so worried about losing weight it's caused me some major stress. Plus, I think my body has finally said that eating under 1000 calories isn't healthy. There in lies my stress. I feel like to lose this weight I have to be perfect at my eating. After all, nutrition is 80% of weight loss. GOSH DANG IT!!!
I am still going to count my calories just to keep myself in check. But I am gonig to follow the Body For Life eating program. Which is a portion of protien and a portion of carb at every meal plus a serving of veggies at least 2 meals. It's okay for me to have high quality carbs like whole wheat tortillas, whole wheat bread and long grain brown rice. I don't really want to add back in those carbs, but I really think my body needs them. Especially with the intense work outs that I've been doing in the mornings.
Which brings me to this morning. I have no motivation to work out. I know I must. But I feel like poo and just want to go back to bed. I was hoping to sleep in since it is a holiday. But no go. Grace was up at 6:30am and the phone rang and Brent and Jaren had to get up to do flags. There goes my morning.
My new goals for this week are to:
1. Follow Body for Life eating program
2. Drink lots and lots of water
3. Stay motivated and positive.
4. Not to get discouraged by my lingering gut.
my weight as of Feb. 15, 2008 187lbs
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Another stinking Holiday to blunder through
Yet again, this month something else that needs celebrating. Of course it's valentine's day. Which is the holiday surrounded in chocolate, chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate. I have been tempted since lunch to rip open the bags of candy I bought for the kids to take to school. I'm human, I'm a woman. I LOVE CHOCOLATE!!!! This is another of those battles that I MUST WIN!!! It's only Chocolate. I am stronger then chocolate. I am stronger then my cravings for the rich, smooth, velvety, little pieces of heaven. Just think how much I will hate myself for caving. For giving into my temptation. What is more important to me right now? That one small piece of stupid chocolate? Or losing 1.5lbs this week. That's easy, the weight loss is more important. So what am I going to do? I'm going to not stick that luscious piece of chocolate in my mouth. I am going to stick it in the freezer and wait until my free day on Sunday. Then, come Sunday morning that piece of chocolate is going to be the first thing I'm going to put into my mouth. Savor it as it melts in mouth and glides down my throat. Can't wait. Until then, I'm going to get a glass of water.
breakfast:
protein shake(217)
3 strawberries(20)
snack:
none
lunch:
b-q chicken cobb salad(half)(360)
a few pieces of popcorn(gosh dang it)
snack:
1/2 small apple(30)
2 tsp peanut butter(60)
10 almonds(80)
I was having a massive sugar craving. Which I'm still having and it's almost dinner. Hallelujah!!
dinner:
turkey bacon and red bell pepper sandwich(275)
small salad with blue cheese vinaigrette(58)
grand total:1100
breakfast:
protein shake(217)
3 strawberries(20)
snack:
none
lunch:
b-q chicken cobb salad(half)(360)
a few pieces of popcorn(gosh dang it)
snack:
1/2 small apple(30)
2 tsp peanut butter(60)
10 almonds(80)
I was having a massive sugar craving. Which I'm still having and it's almost dinner. Hallelujah!!
dinner:
turkey bacon and red bell pepper sandwich(275)
small salad with blue cheese vinaigrette(58)
grand total:1100
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
It even happens to them
After watching the Biggest Loser last night, I felt a little better about my weight gain last week. After all, if it happens to someone who exercises 8hrs a day, it could happen to anyone.
But I just couldn't leave it alone. I just had to get on the scale this morning to see how things are going. I'm not obsessive about it anymore, I just needed to know. To my pleasant surprise, I lost those 3lbs. Who knows why my body goes up and down like. I'm sure there is some doctor out there that could explain this to me. I'm just happy that the 3 lbs are gone and I am once again on my way down.
Breakfast:
none
snack
1 slice whole wheat bread(60)
2 tsp peanut butter(60)
1 tsp jam (20)
lunch:
turkey bacon and red bell pepper sandwich(275)
3 bites of a cookie(60)
snack:
none
dinner:
This amazing blue cheese vineagrette salad that has just 58 calories per serving. I added some turkey bacon and strawberries to it. The whole salad consisted of roasted asparagas, sliced apples and red leaf lettuce. The dressing consisted of 1oz blue cheese, white wine vinegar, water, the ends of a green onion, dijion mustard, salt, pepper, and splenda all blended together. It is my new favorite salad. (230)
grand total:705
But I just couldn't leave it alone. I just had to get on the scale this morning to see how things are going. I'm not obsessive about it anymore, I just needed to know. To my pleasant surprise, I lost those 3lbs. Who knows why my body goes up and down like. I'm sure there is some doctor out there that could explain this to me. I'm just happy that the 3 lbs are gone and I am once again on my way down.
Breakfast:
none
snack
1 slice whole wheat bread(60)
2 tsp peanut butter(60)
1 tsp jam (20)
lunch:
turkey bacon and red bell pepper sandwich(275)
3 bites of a cookie(60)
snack:
none
dinner:
This amazing blue cheese vineagrette salad that has just 58 calories per serving. I added some turkey bacon and strawberries to it. The whole salad consisted of roasted asparagas, sliced apples and red leaf lettuce. The dressing consisted of 1oz blue cheese, white wine vinegar, water, the ends of a green onion, dijion mustard, salt, pepper, and splenda all blended together. It is my new favorite salad. (230)
grand total:705
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Blood orange and avocado saladThe last few days I've been thinking about my fixing-dinner habits. I realized that I no longer lick, nibble and taste test my way through dinner preparation. Wow, that's huge. First of all, I can't have the food that I'm fixing for the rest of my family and I don't want to tempt my taste buds. I also have kicked the whole having to have a sweet after dinner habit. That one is even bigger then the nibbling through dinner. I still have those urges to have something sweet. But I fight through it, drink some water and come type away. I know that not eating after dinner is one of the reasons why I am having such success losing weight.
Today I tried on a skirt in my current size and it was lose. If I had purchased it, there is no way it would have fit me by the end of the month. That is how confident I am that I will continue to lose weight. I think you have to have confidence to be successful and to motivate you to keep going. Isn't that a part of positive attitude?
breakfast:
protein shake (207)
snack:
none
lunch:
a ridiculous soup from Chili's that had 443 freaking calories. Whoops!!!
dinner:
2oz chicken breast
orange, red onion, and avocado salad
Monday, February 9, 2009
Going on a Prayer
So I barely survived the weekend. I had a great time eating out with Brent. Again, I didn't over eat, I stopped when my tummy was somewhat full. I indulged in some fried ice cream, mainly due to my disappointment, and cause it was my birthday. And I still had my free day on Sunday. I knew that if I didn't I would have crashed and burned this week. It is this type of weekend that would have shot me right back into my terrible eating habits. Thoughts of failure and what's the use and so on and so forth would overcome my will to be and do good.
But I am so afraid of failing again. Letting myself down once again because I just wasn't strong enough. I know that I can't do this on my own. I'm just not strong enough. I found myself once again on my knees praying for help, guidance, strength and courage to keep going. Yes, I had a terrible weekend eating. But we all have bad weeks. It happens. I'm human. I wanted to enjoy my birthday so I did. Now I have to suffer the consequences.
Today I'm picking myself back up, dusting myself off and moving forward. What else can I do? Nothing, but persevere and work even harder.
My goals for this week are to keep counting my calories. But I'm not going to freak out about the calories either. If I'm under 1200 calories, great, I did my job. I have my free days to balance that out so I wont go into starvation mode. I'm going to drink more water, which is key to continued weight loss. I will continue to mark off the boxes at the bottom of my exercise journal. Most important I am going to stay positive, keep going, and look ahead. Keep visualizing myself a thinner me. It's going to happen, it has too.
breakfast:
mint protein shake made with 1/2cup milk, 1/2cup water (167)
snack:
no snack
lunch:
turkey bacon and bell pepper sandwich on
home made whole wheat bread(285)
snack:
1/2 apple (20)
2 tsp peanut butter(60)
1 cheese stick(80)(588 left for the day))
dinner:
3 oz chicken breast
1/2 bell pepper and 1/2 onion sauted (301)
2 tsp light sour cream(40)
1 tablespoon salsa(20)
grand total: 973
had a few almonds as well today. Brings my total calories up to at least 1050.
But I am so afraid of failing again. Letting myself down once again because I just wasn't strong enough. I know that I can't do this on my own. I'm just not strong enough. I found myself once again on my knees praying for help, guidance, strength and courage to keep going. Yes, I had a terrible weekend eating. But we all have bad weeks. It happens. I'm human. I wanted to enjoy my birthday so I did. Now I have to suffer the consequences.
Today I'm picking myself back up, dusting myself off and moving forward. What else can I do? Nothing, but persevere and work even harder.
My goals for this week are to keep counting my calories. But I'm not going to freak out about the calories either. If I'm under 1200 calories, great, I did my job. I have my free days to balance that out so I wont go into starvation mode. I'm going to drink more water, which is key to continued weight loss. I will continue to mark off the boxes at the bottom of my exercise journal. Most important I am going to stay positive, keep going, and look ahead. Keep visualizing myself a thinner me. It's going to happen, it has too.
breakfast:
mint protein shake made with 1/2cup milk, 1/2cup water (167)
snack:
no snack
lunch:
turkey bacon and bell pepper sandwich on
home made whole wheat bread(285)
snack:
1/2 apple (20)
2 tsp peanut butter(60)
1 cheese stick(80)(588 left for the day))
dinner:
3 oz chicken breast
1/2 bell pepper and 1/2 onion sauted (301)
2 tsp light sour cream(40)
1 tablespoon salsa(20)
grand total: 973
had a few almonds as well today. Brings my total calories up to at least 1050.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Bummed
I had another challenge this weekend. My Birthday was on Friday. No big deal, I just turned 33. Fun number. But I thought I did pretty good. I went out Thursday night and I didn't over eat. I did share a scoop of ice cream that had some fudge. Then I went out for Sushi Friday afternoon. I didn't over eat then either. I stopped when my stomach felt a little full. Hello, I usually don't do that when I eat Sushi. I usually eat and eat until you could roll me out because I am so stuffed and satiated. I know I'm not suppose to weight until Sunday morning but I just had to see where I was this beautiful Saturday morning. After all, Brent and I are going out to dinner this evening. To my utter dismay, I gained about 3 lbs. Blah blah blah blah blech blech blech!!!!!
I am trying to figure out in my brain how two meals could cause me to gain 3 freaking pounds. Again, roller coaster ride, emotions up and down, up and down, up and down.
After worrying about my calories I wonder if I started eating too many. I also started drinking more water and recording how many glasses of water I was drinking. I don't know if that has anything to do with it. I know your muscles need water to build up and get strong. I know that water is vital to your body and all your organs. So I guess I could just be evening out. Gaining back water that I lost from last week. Either way, it stinks. And it feels like a huge let down. I almost want to quit. I am just centimeters away from quitting.
But I don't want to quit. I've come some far, for me, and worked to hard to give it up on a few bad days. Tell me to keep going. Tell me that all this hard work is worth it. Tell me that we have good weeks and bad weeks.
It sucks to gain weight back.
I am trying to figure out in my brain how two meals could cause me to gain 3 freaking pounds. Again, roller coaster ride, emotions up and down, up and down, up and down.
After worrying about my calories I wonder if I started eating too many. I also started drinking more water and recording how many glasses of water I was drinking. I don't know if that has anything to do with it. I know your muscles need water to build up and get strong. I know that water is vital to your body and all your organs. So I guess I could just be evening out. Gaining back water that I lost from last week. Either way, it stinks. And it feels like a huge let down. I almost want to quit. I am just centimeters away from quitting.
But I don't want to quit. I've come some far, for me, and worked to hard to give it up on a few bad days. Tell me to keep going. Tell me that all this hard work is worth it. Tell me that we have good weeks and bad weeks.
It sucks to gain weight back.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Freaked Out
I forgot to mention the total of my weight loss for the month of January. With the help of my amazing last week I lost a total of 10.5lbs. With my original goal of 30lbs I am 1/3 of the way done. Wow, when you put it like that it makes it seem attainable.
Unfortunately I am having some body issues. I know that 10lbs is great. But I still am bothered by my ginormous gut. I hate it. It greets me in the morning sloshing from side to side. It gets in the way of my pants. I am trying to focus on other good things that are happening to my body. I noticed that my back fat has gone down a little. My legs are starting to tone up. But it's that gut that keeps eeking back into my thoughts and getting in the way.
Plus I have thoughts of starvation mode. Is my eating too few calories going to really back fire on me. Is the weight I lost last week all water? I want to be successful, but successful the right way. I want this weight to stay off permanently. That means slow and steady. 1.5-2lbs a week. More then that isn't good. Or so I'm told. So how do I rectify my situation? I have to eat at least 1200 calories a day. How do I do that? I am so afraid of eating too much. But eating too little apparently is a bad thing too. I guess I'll eat an apple with lunch? Have a slice of bread with my protein shake? And be happy with a 1.5lb weekly weight loss?
Never have I been so freaked out by food. Never before have I enjoyed the feelings of hunger pains. Those pains make me feel like I am in control of my life. I am no longer numb to food or to life. I am aware of my body and what is going into my mouth. So now I have gone from one extreme to the other. Now I am struggling to find balance.
One beacon of light is my free day. At least that one day of indulgence tells my body that it isn't starving. That I am still willing to feed it's needs. The difference is that I have one free day, and not 7.
I just divided 1200 by 5, which is how many times a day that I eat, and I should be eating 240 calories every time I eat. I will try this strategy for a week and since how that turns out.
breakfast:
protein shake with frozen strawberries and coconut milk (230)
snack:
none
lunch:
turkey and bell pepper sandwich (120)
whole wheat bread(170)
2 tsp light mayo (20)
1 tsp Dijon mustard (20)(330)(640)
I realized that I wasn't allocating enough calories for my bread. It's healthy, but packed with calories. That helps me a ton to reach my calorie intake. And I don't have to add anything else to my lunch.
snack:
10 almonds(60)
3/4 apple(35)
1 TBL peanut butter(90)
1 cheese stick(80)(265)(375)
Okay, so I went way overboard on this snack. Like, big time. I WILL NOT do that again. I don't know what I was thinking!!!
Unfortunately I am having some body issues. I know that 10lbs is great. But I still am bothered by my ginormous gut. I hate it. It greets me in the morning sloshing from side to side. It gets in the way of my pants. I am trying to focus on other good things that are happening to my body. I noticed that my back fat has gone down a little. My legs are starting to tone up. But it's that gut that keeps eeking back into my thoughts and getting in the way.
Plus I have thoughts of starvation mode. Is my eating too few calories going to really back fire on me. Is the weight I lost last week all water? I want to be successful, but successful the right way. I want this weight to stay off permanently. That means slow and steady. 1.5-2lbs a week. More then that isn't good. Or so I'm told. So how do I rectify my situation? I have to eat at least 1200 calories a day. How do I do that? I am so afraid of eating too much. But eating too little apparently is a bad thing too. I guess I'll eat an apple with lunch? Have a slice of bread with my protein shake? And be happy with a 1.5lb weekly weight loss?
Never have I been so freaked out by food. Never before have I enjoyed the feelings of hunger pains. Those pains make me feel like I am in control of my life. I am no longer numb to food or to life. I am aware of my body and what is going into my mouth. So now I have gone from one extreme to the other. Now I am struggling to find balance.
One beacon of light is my free day. At least that one day of indulgence tells my body that it isn't starving. That I am still willing to feed it's needs. The difference is that I have one free day, and not 7.
I just divided 1200 by 5, which is how many times a day that I eat, and I should be eating 240 calories every time I eat. I will try this strategy for a week and since how that turns out.
breakfast:
protein shake with frozen strawberries and coconut milk (230)
snack:
none
lunch:
turkey and bell pepper sandwich (120)
whole wheat bread(170)
2 tsp light mayo (20)
1 tsp Dijon mustard (20)(330)(640)
I realized that I wasn't allocating enough calories for my bread. It's healthy, but packed with calories. That helps me a ton to reach my calorie intake. And I don't have to add anything else to my lunch.
snack:
10 almonds(60)
3/4 apple(35)
1 TBL peanut butter(90)
1 cheese stick(80)(265)(375)
Okay, so I went way overboard on this snack. Like, big time. I WILL NOT do that again. I don't know what I was thinking!!!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
That's dedication
Today I was invited to a friend's house to celebrate my birthday along with several other ladies who have birthdays this week. They ordered from this great place called Zub's Subs. I opted to just get a salad and brought my own sandwich. Never in a million years would I have done this before. I would have just bagged the diet and gone ahead and ordered one of the fatty sandwiches on the amazing white bread. It is my birthday after all. But I want this weight loss to much to screw it up like that. Although, I do have to admit that I had one of the chocolate chip cookies. I just had to have one of those. When the plate was brought back around I shook my head no and confessed to already eating one. I just needed one. In the past I would have had two or even three. Another victory and battle fought. What also helped is for me to think about my entire week and my other birthday plans. I am going to go out to dinner with my husband and would rather indulge there. If I'm going to indulge at all. Plus I still have my free day ahead of me which should help keep me on track.
breakfast:
protein shake (210)
snack:
none
lunch:
salad with dressing and other things such as olives and bit of cheese (100)
Turkey bacon and bell pepper sandwich on home made whole wheat bread (120)
1 chocolate chip cookie(48)
snack:
1/2 apple (20)
2 tsp peanut butter(60)
1 cheese stick(70)
dinner:
Turkey bacon and bell pepper sandwich on home made whole wheat bread (150)
1/2 apple (40)
10 almonds (60)
grand total: 900
breakfast:
protein shake (210)
snack:
none
lunch:
salad with dressing and other things such as olives and bit of cheese (100)
Turkey bacon and bell pepper sandwich on home made whole wheat bread (120)
1 chocolate chip cookie(48)
snack:
1/2 apple (20)
2 tsp peanut butter(60)
1 cheese stick(70)
dinner:
Turkey bacon and bell pepper sandwich on home made whole wheat bread (150)
1/2 apple (40)
10 almonds (60)
grand total: 900
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Pathway to Success
Yesterday I mentioned that one of my goals was to add more cardio into my work outs in the morning. This requires me to get up about 30 minutes earlier. Last night Grace up several times tossing, turning and yelling in frustration to her snotty stuffed nose. Several times I went to check on her and she was still sleeping, yet uncomfortably. I had set my alarm and thought to myself, there's no way I'm getting up now that I've already been up and down about 5 times. When my alarm went off do you think I got up? Of course I did. Like I said before, I want this SO BAD!!!
I know that counting calories is going to be my pathway to success on this weight loss journey of mine. I also want to still be careful to get in all my calories. Or does it really matter? Like yesterday for instance, I only ate about 700 calories. I didn't do that on purpose, it just happened. But is eating too few calories going to back fire on me? Is my body going to go into starvation mode and start holding onto all my fat? Or if I do this long enough will my body start attacking my fat stores thus eliminating my extra weight? Or when I go back to eating somewhat normally will all my weight come back? I don't want to go back to the way I was eating before, so I wont. But I'm not going be as strict with myself as I have been.
I guess it all goes back to finding balance. Balance and moderation in all things.
breakfast:
2 turkey bacon slices
1 egg, 1 egg white(185)
snack:
chocolate protien shake(200)
lunch:
light chicken salad on
1 slice home made whole wheat bread(200)
snack:
1 cheese stick(70)
1/2 medium apple(20)
2 tsp chunky peanut butter(64)(734)
dinner:
london broil(200)
salad (4)
sauted onion and bell pepper(40)
grand total: 978
I know that counting calories is going to be my pathway to success on this weight loss journey of mine. I also want to still be careful to get in all my calories. Or does it really matter? Like yesterday for instance, I only ate about 700 calories. I didn't do that on purpose, it just happened. But is eating too few calories going to back fire on me? Is my body going to go into starvation mode and start holding onto all my fat? Or if I do this long enough will my body start attacking my fat stores thus eliminating my extra weight? Or when I go back to eating somewhat normally will all my weight come back? I don't want to go back to the way I was eating before, so I wont. But I'm not going be as strict with myself as I have been.
I guess it all goes back to finding balance. Balance and moderation in all things.
breakfast:
2 turkey bacon slices
1 egg, 1 egg white(185)
snack:
chocolate protien shake(200)
lunch:
light chicken salad on
1 slice home made whole wheat bread(200)
snack:
1 cheese stick(70)
1/2 medium apple(20)
2 tsp chunky peanut butter(64)(734)
dinner:
london broil(200)
salad (4)
sauted onion and bell pepper(40)
grand total: 978
Monday, February 2, 2009
A new month, a new week
I am so excited for this new month and the prospect of losing another 10 pounds. It is so extremely exciting for me to see the possibilities and to still have all this momentum.
This evening I've been trying to think of what my goals should be for the week and for the month. This month I would LOVE to lose another 10lbs. I don't know how realistic that is. So I would like to lose 1.5 to 2.0 a week. I would also like to be able to wear my wedding ring by the end of this month. I hope that an 8-10lb weight loss would allow me to comfortably wear that piece of hardware. Let's see, the last time I wore my wedding ring was when I was 4 month preggers with Beckham. That is about 5 years ago. It's about time I put that thing back on permanently.
My weekly goal is to drink more water and keep counting calories. I know my body needs water. I would also like to add more cardio into my workouts in the morning. But that would mean I would need to get up at 5:30am instead of 6am. How badly do I want this weight loss? Enough to get up at 5:30 and do Tae-Bo before my biggest loser work outs. Which by the way I highly recommend everyone try. They are GREAT workouts. It's been a long time since I've had sweat dripping into and burning my eyes. It's a part of that whole, blood, sweat and tears thing.
breakfast:
2 slices turkey bacon
1 egg, 1 egg white (153)
lunch:
light chicken salad in a raw bell pepper
1/2 cup steamed broccoli and cauliflower (150)
snack:
protein shake with coconut milk fresh raspberries and blackberries (205)
dinner:
slice of home made whole wheat bread(40)
light chicken salad(135)
1 medium apple(32)
grand total calories:685 give or take.
I did have a few almonds and a few bites of fritos. So it was more like 700 or 720.
This evening I've been trying to think of what my goals should be for the week and for the month. This month I would LOVE to lose another 10lbs. I don't know how realistic that is. So I would like to lose 1.5 to 2.0 a week. I would also like to be able to wear my wedding ring by the end of this month. I hope that an 8-10lb weight loss would allow me to comfortably wear that piece of hardware. Let's see, the last time I wore my wedding ring was when I was 4 month preggers with Beckham. That is about 5 years ago. It's about time I put that thing back on permanently.
My weekly goal is to drink more water and keep counting calories. I know my body needs water. I would also like to add more cardio into my workouts in the morning. But that would mean I would need to get up at 5:30am instead of 6am. How badly do I want this weight loss? Enough to get up at 5:30 and do Tae-Bo before my biggest loser work outs. Which by the way I highly recommend everyone try. They are GREAT workouts. It's been a long time since I've had sweat dripping into and burning my eyes. It's a part of that whole, blood, sweat and tears thing.
breakfast:
2 slices turkey bacon
1 egg, 1 egg white (153)
lunch:
light chicken salad in a raw bell pepper
1/2 cup steamed broccoli and cauliflower (150)
snack:
protein shake with coconut milk fresh raspberries and blackberries (205)
dinner:
slice of home made whole wheat bread(40)
light chicken salad(135)
1 medium apple(32)
grand total calories:685 give or take.
I did have a few almonds and a few bites of fritos. So it was more like 700 or 720.
YIPEEEEEEEEE
Yesterday was my official weigh in. I stepped on the scale and was shocked. I actually stepped on and off three times just to make sure that the scale was registering correctly. To my complete and pleasant surprise I lost 5.5lbs last week. Yes, it's true. I am so thrilled that my hard work, counting calories and not eating after dinner and exercising every morning at 6am finally has begun to pay off. I am thrilled beyond excitement.
The other night I lay awake with the prospect of being healthy and thin. Visions of me in cute shirts that are slightly loose and loose fitting jeans danced around in my head and I couldn't go back to sleep. I am doing it. I really really really really am doing it. I feel amazing. Yes, I still have 20 or more pounds to go. But my first month was such a success. Usually at this point I am ready to give up, throw away the towel, throw my hands up, and pull my hair out. It is such an empowering feeling to really, I mean REALLY want something so badly that you'll do anything to get it. That is where I am. I am willing to do ANYTHING to lose this weight.
I had a conversation with Rachel LeBaron last night and she brought up some wonderful points. Eating bad foods feeds our bad feelings. Our feelings of depression, sadness, failure. The worse we feel the more we want to feed those feelings. But if we truly want to be happy we will treat our bodies with love and respect and good foods. I have felt that change within me this past month. Feeding my starving body good foods has changed my mood. Maybe at first it was hard because I was hungry and my body wasn't use to that. But I know that what I am doing today, right now is the best thing for me and my family. That is a HUGE victory for me. I hope I keep the momentum going and that I continue with my weight loss. Even if I don't have a 5lb weight loss this week, I will be happy with 1lb because I know it's going to work. I KNOW it, I can just feel it.
HURRAY FOR ME AND -5.5LBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The other night I lay awake with the prospect of being healthy and thin. Visions of me in cute shirts that are slightly loose and loose fitting jeans danced around in my head and I couldn't go back to sleep. I am doing it. I really really really really am doing it. I feel amazing. Yes, I still have 20 or more pounds to go. But my first month was such a success. Usually at this point I am ready to give up, throw away the towel, throw my hands up, and pull my hair out. It is such an empowering feeling to really, I mean REALLY want something so badly that you'll do anything to get it. That is where I am. I am willing to do ANYTHING to lose this weight.
I had a conversation with Rachel LeBaron last night and she brought up some wonderful points. Eating bad foods feeds our bad feelings. Our feelings of depression, sadness, failure. The worse we feel the more we want to feed those feelings. But if we truly want to be happy we will treat our bodies with love and respect and good foods. I have felt that change within me this past month. Feeding my starving body good foods has changed my mood. Maybe at first it was hard because I was hungry and my body wasn't use to that. But I know that what I am doing today, right now is the best thing for me and my family. That is a HUGE victory for me. I hope I keep the momentum going and that I continue with my weight loss. Even if I don't have a 5lb weight loss this week, I will be happy with 1lb because I know it's going to work. I KNOW it, I can just feel it.
HURRAY FOR ME AND -5.5LBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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