Bad to worse

I wish I could tell you that my weekend went so much better then my Friday. But then I would be a lier. That isn't being honest with you or myself. Saturday went much better only because I was away from home. I went to a Stake Enrichment activity which was really well put together and the lunch was fantastic. I would have gone back for seconds but no one at my table was going back either so I didn't want to look like a complete pig. Saturday evening we took the kids to the Draper Temple Open House. The line to get inot the Temple was a 45 minute wait, standing and slowly moving. Making a long story short, 3 out the the 6 kids had meltdowns which caused me to have a meltdown, internally. Sunday, it just go worse and worse and worse. I ended up being the scariest monster mom I have ever been. Screaming and saliva shooting straight from my mouth. I even threatened to leave. It was not pretty. Tears and boogers were had by all. Even my oldest was in tears. Let me repeat, IT WAS NOT A GOOD WEEKEND. I ate my way through the whole thing. Not only did I eat my way through, I spent a long time on my knees begging for help. Trying to understand what is going on in my life. The spirit whispered to me that I have been neglecting my children. Did it really take the whisperings of the spirit to realize that? I guess so. I have been so obsessed with losing weight that my house, home, and family have suffered severly. Yes, my children should know how to better behave. But I am their Mother. I am the one that should be gently guiding and encouraging them. Instead I have been casually going through motherhood and a strictly going through life for myself these past 7 weeks. But their has to, no, their MUST be a way where I can balance my longed for new lifestyle and being a mother and a homemaker. I have pretty much all day to myself. I need to be more prepared and more available to my children when they come home. Thoughts of myself need to be set aside for a few hours and focus on them. During the day I can focus on me and the house. But my children NEED me, duh. And I NEED my children.
I refuse to give up on weight loss. ABSOLUTELY REFUSE!!!! I once again started this week with a renewed committment. I got up, worked out with the Biggest Loser. When Grace woke up I got her a bottle and stuck her in bed with Brent. I need his support in this endeavor as well. I had a great breakfast and I am determined to stay on track today and for the rest of the week. Life doesn't stop so I can lose weight and figure my new lifestyle. It keeps going and I am required to move along with it. Or else it wouldn't be true change would it?

9am breakfast:
2 turkey bacon slices
1 egg, 1 egg white
1 fajita carb control tortilla

snack:
none

Noon lunch:
chicken salad

3:30pm snack:
3/4 cup cottage cheese
1/2 cup grapes
1/2 chocolate chip cookie. I honestly tried holding my breath when I handed these out to my kids. Obviously my strategy didn't work all that well.


5:30pm dinner:
Chicken and roasted beet salad
I couldn't finish the salad. there was something nasty tasting in it. It must have been the pecans. I had a slice of whole wheat bread with peanut butter and jelly on it. And finished the day with a half a cookie.