Not much to divulge today. Just plugging along, hoping, wishing, wondering if all this hard work and calorie counting will show up on the scale.
breakfast:
forgot to eat
snack:
cheese stick(70)
3/4 a medium apple(40)
lunch:
1/2 salad bacon, ham, turkey, blue cheese (300)
snack:
protien shake(117)
1 slice whole wheat bread(40)
2 tsp peanut butter(60)
1 tsp jam(16)
dinner:
pita pizza (230)
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Insight
Last night as I was looking for a book for Hannah to read I came across some old eating/exercise journals of mine. One of them was dated clear back to January 2006. I was starting at about the same weight and to my surprise the weight loss was much slower back then, than it is now. As I read what it was that I ate, no wonder it was slow going. I still had a hard time cutting out the sweets and many of my comments and goals were to stop grazing. The lightest I got that year was 177. And that lasted for just about 1 week in July. Then something happened and all the weight came back. Well, not all about 10lbs.
This insight helped me in two ways. One, that I was committed enough the first time to last all the way until July, even though the weight loss was as slow as snails. But I stuck to it. And now that I think about it I remember being frustrated about that fact. The second insight was my eating. No wonder the weight loss was slow. I still did not have my head in the game. That is what is so different about this time.
I want this so badly that I am not cheating, not grazing, not snacking, not eating after dinner. I know that I sound like a broken record. But I can feel the difference. And the writing just proves it.
I did notice as I looked back that when I was my lightest I was counting calories. So I think I am on to something there. I will stick to the counting calories this week and see how the scale rewards me, if it does at all.
One thing I do wish is that I had written down my feelings. I am so glad that I have this blog to document my progress, my feelings, my disappointments and success. I hope to look back at it and use it for some good. It would have been nice to see what frame of mind I was in when I was at my lightest and heaviest. I wonder what triggered the weight gain. This might sound terrible, but when I think about it, it had to deal with losing a friendship and gaining a calling that , dare I say, I despised. There it is, the truth. Although despise is a pretty strong word, the calling did stress me out to the max. One point I remember retreating to the pantry for some small sneakers bars when i realized that it was Thursday and my day to host. Yes, I am very much an emotional eater. At least, I use to be. I'm sure at some point when I hit a very hard time emotional, I will come to that cross roads again. What will I do? I hope I will be strong enough to go for a walk, or call a friend, or blog about it instead of hiding away in the pantry.
Breakfast:
2 slices turkey bacon (70)
1 egg, 1 egg white (70) 140
snack:
no snack
lunch:
roast turkey, ham sandwich on whole wheat with bell pepper, lettuce, sprouts (200)
few bites of a salad(20)
snack:
Protein Shake (180)
salad w/dressing (80)
dinner:
1.5 lasagna stuffed bell pepper(250)
1 medium apple(65)
grand total: 935 give or take.
Breakfast:
2 slices turkey bacon (70)
1 egg, 1 egg white (70) 140
snack:
no snack
lunch:
roast turkey, ham sandwich on whole wheat with bell pepper, lettuce, sprouts (200)
few bites of a salad(20)
snack:
Protein Shake (180)
salad w/dressing (80)
dinner:
1.5 lasagna stuffed bell pepper(250)
1 medium apple(65)
grand total: 935 give or take.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
What Kind of Eater Am I?
Through this minor health problem I'm having I figured out what kind of eater I am.
I always struggled when I heard really overweight people say that they ate their feelings or that they were emotional eaters. I struggled because I never felt that I did that. I thought either I was in denial of there was another reason I was fat. When I was really overweight, I was convinced that I'd never lose weight until I found the reason or the trigger that made me eat too much or eat too much of the wrong kind of food.
Since Sunday, I have eaten like a horse. I'm not kidding. I have been putting stuff in my mouth all day long- and not good stuff. I've eaten stuff that I don't even like the taste of. Because I've been in physical pain.
Isn't that interesting? Especially when you figure in that most of my adult life, I've had chronic pain with my endometriosis. I knew that having my hysterectomy helped me in my weight loss endeavors, but I didn't realize that it had anything to do with pain until I started noticing my reaction to this pain I've been having this week.
So my turning point is now. Tomorrow, pain or not, I'm going to control my eating. I have to. It's just another step in my journey. And I fear that it's going to be one of the most difficult ones.
I always struggled when I heard really overweight people say that they ate their feelings or that they were emotional eaters. I struggled because I never felt that I did that. I thought either I was in denial of there was another reason I was fat. When I was really overweight, I was convinced that I'd never lose weight until I found the reason or the trigger that made me eat too much or eat too much of the wrong kind of food.
Since Sunday, I have eaten like a horse. I'm not kidding. I have been putting stuff in my mouth all day long- and not good stuff. I've eaten stuff that I don't even like the taste of. Because I've been in physical pain.
Isn't that interesting? Especially when you figure in that most of my adult life, I've had chronic pain with my endometriosis. I knew that having my hysterectomy helped me in my weight loss endeavors, but I didn't realize that it had anything to do with pain until I started noticing my reaction to this pain I've been having this week.
So my turning point is now. Tomorrow, pain or not, I'm going to control my eating. I have to. It's just another step in my journey. And I fear that it's going to be one of the most difficult ones.
Stronger then you think
Last night on the biggest loser the 400lb 19 year old was voted to go home. My heart just ached for him. He needed to be there, for support and to save his life. I was angry at his friend for betraying him by telling everyone there that it's possible to do at home. Although that is true, he needed to be around people who could help him. Jillian made him see that he was stronger then he imagined himself to be. She got him to run on the treadmill 7.5 for something like 5 minutes. I remind you, he is over 400lbs. That was a wake up call to me. I am stronger then I imagine myself to be. I have the power to overcome my addiction to food. I have the power to stay the course and lose the weight. I have the power to not let myself get in the way of my success.
Thank heaven's that this 19 year had lost more weight when he got home. He lost a total of 100lbs. He looked great, but still has a lot to lose. He must have had a lot of bad habit to break himself of. But he used the knowledge that he gained from the Ranch and applied it to daily life.
Through out my several, unsuccessful, journey's of weight loss, I learned many things along the way. Which have lead up to this point in my life. I am grateful for those lessons and the knowledge that I now have.
breakfast
protien shake with fresh blackberries (300) whoo, that's a lot
snack:
none today
lunch:
Salad with ham, turkey, red onion, blue cheese and a little bacon (300) whoo, that's a lot too
snack
1 cheese stick (80)
delit turkey (120)
1/4 cup mandarine oranges (35)
dinner:
salad with dressing (80)
lasagna stuffed bell pepper(150)
itty bitty slice of homemade bread with a tsp of chuncky peanut butter and jelly(50). I know, this is a slip. Once again, the homemade bread called to me.
a few almonds after lunch and with the afternoon snack(50)
grand total of calories: 1160 give or take
Today probably wasn't the best of days. It's hard to count calories and do a high protien/low-carb diet. Most protiens are high in calories. Still, keeping track of the calories is helping me to keep myself in check. This week I have done much better with the cheese and the nuts. Yes, I have indulged in the bread. I feel this is a much better choice then chocolate chips. And when I'm finished being really strict with myself, home made whole wheat bread will be something that I will add back into my daily life. If I want too.
On a more spiritual note:
I really want to start reading the scriptures more. I've been studying the Ensign a lot more due to my new calling. But I know that if I were to add the scriptures into my daily life I would have that added help. Not only in the weight loss, but as a wife and mother. It's been said many times before, that if we put the Lord first, all other things will fall into place.
Thank heaven's that this 19 year had lost more weight when he got home. He lost a total of 100lbs. He looked great, but still has a lot to lose. He must have had a lot of bad habit to break himself of. But he used the knowledge that he gained from the Ranch and applied it to daily life.
Through out my several, unsuccessful, journey's of weight loss, I learned many things along the way. Which have lead up to this point in my life. I am grateful for those lessons and the knowledge that I now have.
breakfast
protien shake with fresh blackberries (300) whoo, that's a lot
snack:
none today
lunch:
Salad with ham, turkey, red onion, blue cheese and a little bacon (300) whoo, that's a lot too
snack
1 cheese stick (80)
delit turkey (120)
1/4 cup mandarine oranges (35)
dinner:
salad with dressing (80)
lasagna stuffed bell pepper(150)
itty bitty slice of homemade bread with a tsp of chuncky peanut butter and jelly(50). I know, this is a slip. Once again, the homemade bread called to me.
a few almonds after lunch and with the afternoon snack(50)
grand total of calories: 1160 give or take
Today probably wasn't the best of days. It's hard to count calories and do a high protien/low-carb diet. Most protiens are high in calories. Still, keeping track of the calories is helping me to keep myself in check. This week I have done much better with the cheese and the nuts. Yes, I have indulged in the bread. I feel this is a much better choice then chocolate chips. And when I'm finished being really strict with myself, home made whole wheat bread will be something that I will add back into my daily life. If I want too.
On a more spiritual note:
I really want to start reading the scriptures more. I've been studying the Ensign a lot more due to my new calling. But I know that if I were to add the scriptures into my daily life I would have that added help. Not only in the weight loss, but as a wife and mother. It's been said many times before, that if we put the Lord first, all other things will fall into place.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Still Fat
Yesterday was the best day so far. It was a huge eye opener to count calories and to abstain from so much cheese. I for sure have to lose weight with my changes.
This afternoon when I was getting into the tub the scale whispered to me to get on. I almost did, backed away. Then jumped on, what could it hurt. Well, I'm still fat and the scale still sucks. I hate that I relented and weighed myself. So I didn't really put it under the sink. I will do that directly.
I hope to get some motivation from Biggest Loser. I wish the show were in the middle of the week.
breakfast:
3 turkey bacon slices(105)
1 egg, 1 egg white (70)
1 small bell pepper(10)
1/4 small onion(3)
snack:
2oz deli turkey(70)
1 medium apple, leaving some on my plate (32)
lunch:
salad(4)
lasagna stuffed bell pepper(300)
snack
protien shake(200)
1 slice of home made whole wheat bread (it was good too!!!)(25)
dinner:
sauteed bell pepper and onion(40)
1/2 cup left over roast
grand total of calories: 1029
This afternoon when I was getting into the tub the scale whispered to me to get on. I almost did, backed away. Then jumped on, what could it hurt. Well, I'm still fat and the scale still sucks. I hate that I relented and weighed myself. So I didn't really put it under the sink. I will do that directly.
I hope to get some motivation from Biggest Loser. I wish the show were in the middle of the week.
breakfast:
3 turkey bacon slices(105)
1 egg, 1 egg white (70)
1 small bell pepper(10)
1/4 small onion(3)
snack:
2oz deli turkey(70)
1 medium apple, leaving some on my plate (32)
lunch:
salad(4)
lasagna stuffed bell pepper(300)
snack
protien shake(200)
1 slice of home made whole wheat bread (it was good too!!!)(25)
dinner:
sauteed bell pepper and onion(40)
1/2 cup left over roast
grand total of calories: 1029
Monday, January 26, 2009
Putting it Away
My official weigh-in is.... I'm down .5 lbs. It was a turbulent week. I've decided to put away the scale and bring it out only on Sunday mornings. I can't allow myself to have so many ups and downs, ups and downs. It is so hard emotionally for me. I know it's will be a challenge, but I hope I find it more rewarding and thus finding that I have more success.
My goals for this week are to cut out so much cheese (gosh, that's embarrassing to realize that I was eating too much of that dairy product), eat more veggies, eat a salad before lunch and dinner, get over my fear of eating too many veggies. I was going to cut out diet coke as well. But I need to take baby steps. I hope by making these changes that I will see a difference on the scale.
I wish that the numbers didn't mean so much to me. But it does. 5.5 lbs really isn't that much weight. No one can tell that I've lost anything, and my clothes are barely, barely, barely feeling any loser. But it's a start. And you have to start somewhere.
And my gosh, I'm going into my 4th week. My determination hasn't changed. My desire to change hasn't weakened. This is a huge victory for me.
I think it helped that I was able to drown my sorrow in my free day yesterday. I ate so much junk that I was sick, again. But it's what I needed. I needed that reminder of how I use to feel on a daily basis. Eating the right foods really does make a difference. I do feel better about myself, both physically and emotionally. It's worth the hard work, the effort, and the time to prepare.
breakfast:
3 slices turkey bacon (110)
1 egg, 1 egg white (100)1/2 bell pepper, 1/2 onion sauteed (20) 230
snack:
1/2 cup cottage cheese (90)
1/4 cup fresh blackberries(15)4almonds (24) 129
lunch:
1 cup lettuce (4)
1/4 apple (16)1 TBL light ranch dressing(30)
1/2 red bell pepper sauteed (9)1/4 onion sauteed(23)
1/2 cup left over roast (108)190
wow, looking at how many calories is in 1 cup of lettuce makes it sooooo much easier to indulge in a salad before lunch and dinner. 4 freaking calories in 1 cup? Hello, what in the world was I thinking?!!!!
snack:
soy puffs (120)
1/4 cup mandarin oranges(40)160
dinner:
1/2bell pepper(9)
1/2 cup cottage cheese(90)3TBL cup motz cheese(70)
1cup salad(4)1cup grilled broccoli and cauliflower(13)
1 TBL light ranch dressing (40)226grand total of calories : 935 give or take
If I don't lose weight by counting these stinking calories and eliminating some of my mistakes from last week... I guess I'll just have to try something different. But seriously, how can you not lose weight by eating less, a lot less, and moving more? I hope I am pleasantly surprised.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
More bumps in the road
So this morning despite my post yesterday, I stepped on the scale, and then again an hour later. Hoping by some miracle that it would have changed. But both times, the news was bad and worse. The scale told me that I haven't lost one stinking pound this week. NOT ONE!!!!! WHAT THE HECK!!!!! WHAT AM I DOING WRONG!!!! To say the least, I am so disappointed today and very discouraged. I haven't jumped off the train yet. I almost did though. I went into the pantry and pulled out the chocolate chips and began to unwrap it. But I put it back. I am at that point where I'm ready to throw my hands up and give it all up. Really, what's the freaking point of it all. I do so good eating and exercising and NOTHING!!!! I have cut all the other crap out of my life for what? NOTHING!!!! I just think to myself that I am just not suppose to be thin. It's not in my cards, according to the stars, it's my fate to be fat. Is that really true though? I sure hope it's not. That's why I'm not going to give up so easily this time. I would like to. I would like to dive right into the chocolate chips that are waiting for me tomorrow.
I looked back at the absolute folder and realized a few things. I am probably eating way too much cheese. I guess I had been subsituting cheese for the chocolate. That's got to stop. I really need to cut out the diet coke as well. I also need to add more veggies. I should probably eat a salad before my meals. But that's a hurdle in its self that I have to over come. The fear of over eating. But a salad is all raw veggies which are mostly water and I can have as much of that as I want. Keep telling myself that. And of course, I probably shouldn't have eaten so much pork. But it's what I had. From now on I will make much better protein choices.
Losing weight is a tough. Losing weight is a huge emotional roller coaster. Losing weight is maddening. Losing weight is unfair. Losing weight sucks.
I looked back at the absolute folder and realized a few things. I am probably eating way too much cheese. I guess I had been subsituting cheese for the chocolate. That's got to stop. I really need to cut out the diet coke as well. I also need to add more veggies. I should probably eat a salad before my meals. But that's a hurdle in its self that I have to over come. The fear of over eating. But a salad is all raw veggies which are mostly water and I can have as much of that as I want. Keep telling myself that. And of course, I probably shouldn't have eaten so much pork. But it's what I had. From now on I will make much better protein choices.
Losing weight is a tough. Losing weight is a huge emotional roller coaster. Losing weight is maddening. Losing weight is unfair. Losing weight sucks.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Such a tease
I have a love/hate relationship with the scale. It teases me constantly and several times a day. Yes, I know I'm not suppose to weigh myself everyday, let alone several times. I love it when I get on and the number has gone down, but hate it when I step on an hour or two later in the morning and the number has gone up. I need to resist the temptation to weigh everyday. But sometimes I think it helps me. Whether the number is up or down. When it goes down, I think yes, I'm making progress. At the same time, if the number is up or not where I want it to be I tell myself that I need to try harder. Let's be honest though, I guess the reality is that it is more discouraging to me then anything.
I don't want to set this goal, but I know it will help me. I will, starting next week, just step on the scale once a day, at the exact same time. I know I should only weigh in on Sunday mornings, but that would be to torturous for me.
Last night at book club Amy was kind enough to cater to my weaknesses that I was experiencing yesterday and ordered Smokehouse. It was divine!!! She warmed up some bread for the others but I didn't even give that loaf of steamy, buttery, soft goodness a second glance. I took seconds of the salad and a little more of the meat. For dessert, which I was planning on passing up too, Amy made this Swedish cream. But she tweaked the recipe and it only had like 2.5 carbs in it so I indulged. She topped it off with some fresh raspberries and blueberries. I piled more blueberries on top of mine. It was a very worthy low-fat, low-carb dessert. Kudos to Amy for that success. And she says she can't cook. Bologna.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Tick Tock
Like I mentioned in my last post, yesterday was really hard for me. I went to bed and didn't eat anything that I would regret today. I should count that as another small victory. But the emotions that are starting to surface are some that I have felt so often before. It's very frustrating. Due to my hunger and frustration Monster Mom came out and I spent most of the time yelling at the kids. I knew it was just a matter of time before I started to feel this way again. I don't want them. But how do I overcome these thoughts and feelings in a healthy way? How do I overcome my urge to splurge? I really would love to go for a walk or jog. But the air quality here is the worst in the nation and they highly recommend everyone stay in from the outdoors.
That sucks.
I think what this comes down to is prayer. Those moments that I experience my weakness is when I need to find a quiet spot and plead for more strength, more help, more power.
A friend of mine said something to me several months ago that struck me strongly. She said that being good for one day isn't enough. You have to be good for 100 days before you achieve your goal. If I could just stick to this journey it would only take me about 3,4 maybe 5 months at the most to lose what I desire. In the scheme of things, that's nothing. It's just the daily battles that make it difficult.
I had a few light bulb moments during a conversation this morning. I realized that I might have information overload. I don't want to eat the wrong things, or too much of a good thing, or too often, I'm simply afraid of over eating. But by evening I am starving. In the past I didn't put two and two together. Instead of figuring out what my problem was I would quietly slip from myself and indulge in the chocolate or what ever. Now I have a better understanding of what is going on in my brain. When I'm hungry I need to eat. I need to stop this internal battle that I'm having with myself. So I am going to make a list of all the items that I can eat. So when those urges come I can turn to the list. Hopefully this list will give me the permission to not feel guilty. I would so much rather eat more of the good stuff, then fail(once again) and indulge in something that is going to put me in a tail spin down down down until I crash and burn.
breakfast:
turkey bacon and eggs
1/2 manderine oranges
snack:
Protein shake made with water
1.5 servings of raw nuts and raisans
lunch:
bell pepper strips, cheese wrapped in deli chicken.
diet coke
snack:
protein bar
dinner:
smokehouse salad with pulled pork.
The difference between the past and present is in my attitude. Before I would enter this weight loss journey resolved to fail. It was the inevitable. This time I'm resolved to succeed. I no longer want to disappoint myself. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired and overweight. Enough is enough. Now is my time to change. I have to power. And I WILL have 100 good days.
That sucks.
I think what this comes down to is prayer. Those moments that I experience my weakness is when I need to find a quiet spot and plead for more strength, more help, more power.
A friend of mine said something to me several months ago that struck me strongly. She said that being good for one day isn't enough. You have to be good for 100 days before you achieve your goal. If I could just stick to this journey it would only take me about 3,4 maybe 5 months at the most to lose what I desire. In the scheme of things, that's nothing. It's just the daily battles that make it difficult.
I had a few light bulb moments during a conversation this morning. I realized that I might have information overload. I don't want to eat the wrong things, or too much of a good thing, or too often, I'm simply afraid of over eating. But by evening I am starving. In the past I didn't put two and two together. Instead of figuring out what my problem was I would quietly slip from myself and indulge in the chocolate or what ever. Now I have a better understanding of what is going on in my brain. When I'm hungry I need to eat. I need to stop this internal battle that I'm having with myself. So I am going to make a list of all the items that I can eat. So when those urges come I can turn to the list. Hopefully this list will give me the permission to not feel guilty. I would so much rather eat more of the good stuff, then fail(once again) and indulge in something that is going to put me in a tail spin down down down until I crash and burn.
breakfast:
turkey bacon and eggs
1/2 manderine oranges
snack:
Protein shake made with water
1.5 servings of raw nuts and raisans
lunch:
bell pepper strips, cheese wrapped in deli chicken.
diet coke
snack:
protein bar
dinner:
smokehouse salad with pulled pork.
The difference between the past and present is in my attitude. Before I would enter this weight loss journey resolved to fail. It was the inevitable. This time I'm resolved to succeed. I no longer want to disappoint myself. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired and overweight. Enough is enough. Now is my time to change. I have to power. And I WILL have 100 good days.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Another Loser
Last night, once again, I plopped myself down on the couch to watch The Biggest Loser. I sat down with Crystal Light and a few almonds, you know, to help curb that stupid sweet tooth thing. Normally when I would watch this show I would get discouraged and saddened that I was in my current state. And instead of being inspired, I would go to the freezer, scoop out a big bowl of ice cream and change the channel. Not tonight. I ate a few almonds and set them aside. I was once again inspired by the people on this show. By their determination and desire to lose weight and change their lives. It reminds me that I too, am ready for change. It also helps to remind me that I don't have hundreds of pounds to lose, just 10 here and 10 there. Which is so much more less intimidating.
Breakfast:
Bacon and Eggs
1/2 cup manderine oranges
snack:
protein bar
lunch:
sliced bell pepper, slices of cheese wrapped in deli chicken. DELICIOUS!!!
Breakfast:
Bacon and Eggs
1/2 cup manderine oranges
snack:
protein bar
lunch:
sliced bell pepper, slices of cheese wrapped in deli chicken. DELICIOUS!!!
snack:
3 Tbl mixed raw nuts consisting of almonds, cashews, sunflower and pumpkin seeds.
1oz cheese
1/2 apple
Snack:
1/2 protein bar
dinner:
italian stuffed bell pepper. this was a wonderful subsitute to lasagna. I didn't miss the noodles at all. In fact, I could eat this for dinner any night of the week.
snack:
1/2 proteing bar.
This afternoon has been very difficult for me. I have been hungry since 3pm. All I want to eat is something sweet and salty. Bad news. I know I am stronger then these cravings (I hope). I keep telling myself that my desire to lose weight is stronger then my craving for the fat snacks. The fat snacks got me into my chubiness in the first place. This day is almost over.
No Wonder
I was having a conversation today that was very helpful to me. I was expressing my extreme desire to be successful. I also confessed my fear of eating too much. I have no desire to touch white bread, rice, pasta, or potatoes. I feel very lucky to not crave any of these items. Although last week I did indulge in my home made whole wheat bread. It is very nutritious. But it is still a carb. That is why this week I set a goal of just eating salads. Not just salads. I also realized that I am still having a hard time kicking the sweet tooth after lunch and dinner. I had been popping these sugar free life saver type thingies. When I came home I read the packaging and discovered that there are 14 grams of carbs in one serving!!! Hello, no wonder my weight loss was so low this past week. I eat like 3 or 4 or more of those a day. Just to help with those stupid sweet cravings.
Amy told me that if I can just forgo eating anything after lunch and dinner for the next 3 days that those cravings will disapear. That's what she experienced. So, I am following her advice. If it fails to work, I am going to kick her trash.
Like I mentioned in one of my previous posts, this is one of those bad habits that has been so hard to overcome.
One habit that I am proud to say that I have just about mastered is the eating in the evening. Last week, I didn't eat anything after dinner. I eat dinner between 5 and 6pm every day. That is a small victory for me. That is one of the reasons for my disappointment in losing just 1.5lbs this last week. I have been doing so many good things to result in such small numbers.
I hope now, that my eyes have been opened one more time to some mistakes that I've been making, that I will have bigger success this week. If I don't, I still need to push forward. I am slowly changing my life for the better.
Breakfast:
2 slices of turkey bacon, 1 egg, 1/2 cup manderine oranges
snack:
2 oz cheese
@ 12 almonds
lunch:
half a large salad with chicken, salsa, cheese
diet coke
snack:
the rest of the salad from lunch
dinner:
red bell pepper strips wrapped in thinly sliced provolone cheese and deli turkey. Yum!!!
Amy told me that if I can just forgo eating anything after lunch and dinner for the next 3 days that those cravings will disapear. That's what she experienced. So, I am following her advice. If it fails to work, I am going to kick her trash.
Like I mentioned in one of my previous posts, this is one of those bad habits that has been so hard to overcome.
One habit that I am proud to say that I have just about mastered is the eating in the evening. Last week, I didn't eat anything after dinner. I eat dinner between 5 and 6pm every day. That is a small victory for me. That is one of the reasons for my disappointment in losing just 1.5lbs this last week. I have been doing so many good things to result in such small numbers.
I hope now, that my eyes have been opened one more time to some mistakes that I've been making, that I will have bigger success this week. If I don't, I still need to push forward. I am slowly changing my life for the better.
Breakfast:
2 slices of turkey bacon, 1 egg, 1/2 cup manderine oranges
snack:
2 oz cheese
@ 12 almonds
lunch:
half a large salad with chicken, salsa, cheese
diet coke
snack:
the rest of the salad from lunch
dinner:
red bell pepper strips wrapped in thinly sliced provolone cheese and deli turkey. Yum!!!
For the love
That's what I thought to myself when I worked out this morning at 6am, my favorite time to work out. I did the 3rd week on the Biggest Loser work out. HELLO!!!!! It was SO HARD!!! I had sweat dripping off my bangs, into my eyes. Every fiber of my body was sore. My legs are weak, my arms are weak, my neck, my back. I felt weak during the workout. But when it was all over and done, I felt good about what I had just accomplished. Eating is a huge part to losing weight. But dang, there is something to this working out bit. It's motivating, and inspiring and makes me want to finish my day strong.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Free Day
Last week I pretty much had to force myself to eat junk. It was difficult for me, but I knew it needed to be done to help me stay in the right direction. I know, that sounds so backwards. But it worked.
Yesterday, I had no problems eating the junk. It came easy and was welcomed. My day was filled with candy, white bread smothered with butta, more candy, corn dog, and more candy. I made homemade eclairs for dessert and they were divine. I was sad that I missed out on my ice cream. Well, at least I don't have to buy that for my next free day.
By bedtime I was sick, again. But I had NO GUILT!!! And I am ready to move forward today, with the same determination as when I began. I've already worked out, and I can't wait to finish the day strong.
Breakfast:
Protein Shake with frozen strawberries
Snack:
Protein bar
Lunch:
chicken, 1oz cheese, 1/2 apple with 1tsp super crunchy peanut butter
snack:
1/2 banana with 1 tsp peanut butter
dinner:
1 ginormous salad with chicken, sauteed bell pepper and onion a few almonds with 2 TB ranch dressing.
To keep the momentum going I purchased 6 more red bell peppers. They were on sale, 3 for a buck. I also invested in a new salad spinner. Since one of my goals is to eat more salad I better make it good salad.
One of my struggles when I eat big salads like that is I feel as if I am eating too much. It just looks like a LOT of food. I guess this is where counting calories would come in handy. Maybe I will start counting tomorrow. Or maybe not.
Yesterday, I had no problems eating the junk. It came easy and was welcomed. My day was filled with candy, white bread smothered with butta, more candy, corn dog, and more candy. I made homemade eclairs for dessert and they were divine. I was sad that I missed out on my ice cream. Well, at least I don't have to buy that for my next free day.
By bedtime I was sick, again. But I had NO GUILT!!! And I am ready to move forward today, with the same determination as when I began. I've already worked out, and I can't wait to finish the day strong.
Breakfast:
Protein Shake with frozen strawberries
Snack:
Protein bar
Lunch:
chicken, 1oz cheese, 1/2 apple with 1tsp super crunchy peanut butter
snack:
1/2 banana with 1 tsp peanut butter
dinner:
1 ginormous salad with chicken, sauteed bell pepper and onion a few almonds with 2 TB ranch dressing.
To keep the momentum going I purchased 6 more red bell peppers. They were on sale, 3 for a buck. I also invested in a new salad spinner. Since one of my goals is to eat more salad I better make it good salad.
One of my struggles when I eat big salads like that is I feel as if I am eating too much. It just looks like a LOT of food. I guess this is where counting calories would come in handy. Maybe I will start counting tomorrow. Or maybe not.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Small Victories
So, I went a little crazy with dinner...but it was homemade spring rolls! How could not indulge?
I had plenty of points...and I while I did eat a more than I should have, I didn't go as crazy as I might have in the past.
All in all, a victory.
I did want to share that one thing that has really been helping me is measuring.
Measuring my food makes a huge difference in how much I eat. Even with company tonight, I still got out the measureing cup so I could KNOW exactly how much I was eating.
And, can I just say, it is always amazing to me how much I might have had if I didn't measure!
I am also happy to report that my jeans already feel better. yay. Now if I actually lose some weight, how happy am I going to be?
I had plenty of points...and I while I did eat a more than I should have, I didn't go as crazy as I might have in the past.
All in all, a victory.
I did want to share that one thing that has really been helping me is measuring.
Measuring my food makes a huge difference in how much I eat. Even with company tonight, I still got out the measureing cup so I could KNOW exactly how much I was eating.
And, can I just say, it is always amazing to me how much I might have had if I didn't measure!
I am also happy to report that my jeans already feel better. yay. Now if I actually lose some weight, how happy am I going to be?
Saturday, January 17, 2009
The Weigh In
I've decided that Sunday mornings are going to be my official weigh in day/morning. It helps me to stay focused Friday and Saturday. Cause I don't want to screw up on Saturday and have to weigh in Sunday morning with that extra food in my belly. That's NO good.
This morning I dropped another 1.5 lbs. That is not earth shattering, but it's a good number. I was hoping for at least 2lbs. When I weighed in on Wednesday I was down 2.5lbs. But I have to go with the number on Sunday. I am still to embarassed to divulge how much I weigh. That will have to wait until the small numbers add up to a bigger one equalling a lesser one.
So now I have to make some new goals for myself. What did I not like about this last week, and what can I do to improve it. I decided that eating sandwiches for lunch is not a good idea. I want to stay away from carbs until I have lost all my weight. Even though the bread was home made and there's nothing to it. I just don't want carbs in grain form, any kind of grain. So instead of the sandwich, I am going to have a ginormous salad. I bought 3 heads of lettuce yesterday and I plan on prepping them tomorrow and having them ready in a bag for me to just grab and eat.
Another goal that I have is to drink more water. I've been drinking a ton of Walmart brand crystal light. I just feel like I need to drink straight water. I will have the juice at lunch and at dinner. I'm also having a hard time kicking Diet Coke. I think that will have to come later. I have been SO good the past two weeks that I am allowing myself a Diet Coke here and there kind of as a reward and to keep myself going.
The last goal that I have is to exercise MORE. I haven't missed a day in two weeks. But some days I only get in a measly 20minutes. I really would love to get in at least 60 minutes. I think I did that just once this week. It is still a priority, I just need to dedicate more time to it. Become more organized.
Now I have to get over the negative talk that I am having with myself. I know the only way to lose weight and keep it off is to do it slowly and steadily. But I want it now!!! So in an effort to boost my moral I am going to list the changes that I have noticed with this 4.5lb weight loss. For one thing, my gut has gone down by half. My muffin top isn't nearly as bad as it was 3 weeks ago. My face seems a little thinner. All the exercise has given me more energy and I feel a little lighter on my feet. Why trade these wonderful things that are happening for the old me. It's not worth it. This is going to be HARD. I am going to have to be PATIENT!!!!
Here's my mantra:
I can do this.
I have the power to change.
I am doing great.
Keep going.
This morning I dropped another 1.5 lbs. That is not earth shattering, but it's a good number. I was hoping for at least 2lbs. When I weighed in on Wednesday I was down 2.5lbs. But I have to go with the number on Sunday. I am still to embarassed to divulge how much I weigh. That will have to wait until the small numbers add up to a bigger one equalling a lesser one.
So now I have to make some new goals for myself. What did I not like about this last week, and what can I do to improve it. I decided that eating sandwiches for lunch is not a good idea. I want to stay away from carbs until I have lost all my weight. Even though the bread was home made and there's nothing to it. I just don't want carbs in grain form, any kind of grain. So instead of the sandwich, I am going to have a ginormous salad. I bought 3 heads of lettuce yesterday and I plan on prepping them tomorrow and having them ready in a bag for me to just grab and eat.
Another goal that I have is to drink more water. I've been drinking a ton of Walmart brand crystal light. I just feel like I need to drink straight water. I will have the juice at lunch and at dinner. I'm also having a hard time kicking Diet Coke. I think that will have to come later. I have been SO good the past two weeks that I am allowing myself a Diet Coke here and there kind of as a reward and to keep myself going.
The last goal that I have is to exercise MORE. I haven't missed a day in two weeks. But some days I only get in a measly 20minutes. I really would love to get in at least 60 minutes. I think I did that just once this week. It is still a priority, I just need to dedicate more time to it. Become more organized.
Now I have to get over the negative talk that I am having with myself. I know the only way to lose weight and keep it off is to do it slowly and steadily. But I want it now!!! So in an effort to boost my moral I am going to list the changes that I have noticed with this 4.5lb weight loss. For one thing, my gut has gone down by half. My muffin top isn't nearly as bad as it was 3 weeks ago. My face seems a little thinner. All the exercise has given me more energy and I feel a little lighter on my feet. Why trade these wonderful things that are happening for the old me. It's not worth it. This is going to be HARD. I am going to have to be PATIENT!!!!
Here's my mantra:
I can do this.
I have the power to change.
I am doing great.
Keep going.
Breakfast is the Key
So, yesterday was an interesting day. I was really hungry and in need of something sweet all day, and I found it very difficult to resist...although I am happy to say that I did...except for the hot chocolate I had last night...which was NOT sweet related so much as I was so FLIPPIN' cold, it was the only way I could think to warm up.
But, I digress.
So, here what I learned yesterday. I HAVE TO start my day with fiber.
For breakfast I had left over pasta salad...which was yummy and only 3 points...but without any real fiber in it, I found myself a little hungry all day.
Also, having had the cheesecake Thursday night, I found that instead of satisfying my sweet tooth, it actually intensified it. So, I am going to try and stay away from sweets...because cravings is NOT a good thing for me.
Also, at some point when I was feeling "hungry," I stopped and had some water and found that I felt better. So I am thinking that maybe I was thirsty...humm.
So, my goal today, is to start with a little fiber and drink...and see how that goes.
I am well within my points for the week. I still have a bunch of weekly points left over too...which is good, because we are having a "nice" dinner tomorrow, and I want to indulge a little.
I think it's going well. It's harder because there is a lot going on emotionally here...and dealing with life and your weight is never an easy thing...but this is the best thing for me and I am happy to be on this path.
But, I digress.
So, here what I learned yesterday. I HAVE TO start my day with fiber.
For breakfast I had left over pasta salad...which was yummy and only 3 points...but without any real fiber in it, I found myself a little hungry all day.
Also, having had the cheesecake Thursday night, I found that instead of satisfying my sweet tooth, it actually intensified it. So, I am going to try and stay away from sweets...because cravings is NOT a good thing for me.
Also, at some point when I was feeling "hungry," I stopped and had some water and found that I felt better. So I am thinking that maybe I was thirsty...humm.
So, my goal today, is to start with a little fiber and drink...and see how that goes.
I am well within my points for the week. I still have a bunch of weekly points left over too...which is good, because we are having a "nice" dinner tomorrow, and I want to indulge a little.
I think it's going well. It's harder because there is a lot going on emotionally here...and dealing with life and your weight is never an easy thing...but this is the best thing for me and I am happy to be on this path.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Being Tested
Last night after SEP's I just had to have something. Not that they went bad or anything. They actually went really well. So I caved, again, and had a Fiber One bar which contained 140 calories and 4.5 grams of fat. All last night I felt the guilt. Which is something I feel often when I diet. But that's the thing. I'm not trying to diet. I'm trying to change my life, my lifestyle. If I were just maintaining I wouldn't feel so guilty. But I'm trying to lose weight. The thought of failure went through my head. And for a few brief moments thought of quiting popped into my head.
Then came morning, and a new day. Instead of throwing all my hard work out the window, all my determination, all my gusto, I was resolved to be better. Instead, I knew I needed to eat less and better today.
This journey is going to be filled with bumps in the road. I'm sure that no matter how strong I think I am, I will have thoughts of failure eek in.
This time around is different. I feel different. I know I have the power to change. With the help of the Lord, good friends and family supporting me, I KNOW I will achieve this weight loss.
Breakfast:
yogurt
snack:
No snack
lunch:
pulled pork sandwich on home made whole wheat with half a bell pepper.
Yes, I know that pork probably isn't the best for me. But when your on a budget and don't want to waste food. You do what you have to do. Besides, pork is the other white meat.
Snack:
2oz cheese, diet coke
dinner:
whole wheat pita pizza
1/2 fiber one bar
Then came morning, and a new day. Instead of throwing all my hard work out the window, all my determination, all my gusto, I was resolved to be better. Instead, I knew I needed to eat less and better today.
This journey is going to be filled with bumps in the road. I'm sure that no matter how strong I think I am, I will have thoughts of failure eek in.
This time around is different. I feel different. I know I have the power to change. With the help of the Lord, good friends and family supporting me, I KNOW I will achieve this weight loss.
I was tested again today, without knowing it. For some reason, when I am at my Mom's home I tend to eat and eat and eat and eat. With the knowledge that I needed to be really good today, I didn't eat a darn thing while I was there. Okay, she had me try these all natural truffles that were amazing. I hope to get the recipe from her. But I didn't have anything. This was a triumph for me. As I was leaving I had some motz. cheese and a diet coke.
Breakfast:
yogurt
snack:
No snack
lunch:
pulled pork sandwich on home made whole wheat with half a bell pepper.
Yes, I know that pork probably isn't the best for me. But when your on a budget and don't want to waste food. You do what you have to do. Besides, pork is the other white meat.
Snack:
2oz cheese, diet coke
dinner:
whole wheat pita pizza
1/2 fiber one bar
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Baby Steps
It's only been two days, but I have never felt better about a diet...I am doing weight watchers, and it is so much easier to be good this time than the last time I did...and I have 10 less points now because I am not nursing.
But i just feel like my attitude has changed. I haven't been hungry. I have been making healthy choices...and I cut myself some slack.
I actually had a yummy piece of cheesecake tonight at book group. But I KNEW it was coming, and I ate really well all day...so that I would have the points available to me to indluge.
It was awesome to treat myself and not feel guilty.
This will probably be totally different next week, but right now I am enjoy the little steps forward.
Plus, tracking my points has really made me think about what I am eating and try to be concious of each and every thing I put into my mouth.
I am enjoying cooking, and everything has been awesome. I made the best chicken and pasta salad for dinner, and one whole cup was only 3 points. I had two servings and I was soooo full when I was done.
I have to say too, it has been super fun to see HOW MUCH I can eat for so little points.
I actually took some of the things that I had been eating and counted up the points for them.
Holy cow...my favorite salad dressing...FOUR points for two tablespoons. Won't be eating that again!
It's good. I want to keep going...I NEED to keep going.
But i just feel like my attitude has changed. I haven't been hungry. I have been making healthy choices...and I cut myself some slack.
I actually had a yummy piece of cheesecake tonight at book group. But I KNEW it was coming, and I ate really well all day...so that I would have the points available to me to indluge.
It was awesome to treat myself and not feel guilty.
This will probably be totally different next week, but right now I am enjoy the little steps forward.
Plus, tracking my points has really made me think about what I am eating and try to be concious of each and every thing I put into my mouth.
I am enjoying cooking, and everything has been awesome. I made the best chicken and pasta salad for dinner, and one whole cup was only 3 points. I had two servings and I was soooo full when I was done.
I have to say too, it has been super fun to see HOW MUCH I can eat for so little points.
I actually took some of the things that I had been eating and counted up the points for them.
Holy cow...my favorite salad dressing...FOUR points for two tablespoons. Won't be eating that again!
It's good. I want to keep going...I NEED to keep going.
Breaking Bad Habits
One of the hardest things about losing weight, gaining a healthy lifestyle, is breaking bad habits. One habit of mine is craving sweets after lunch and dinner. Oh boy, I always need a cookie, or a cookie, or peace of candy, anything I can get my hands on. Why is that? Even my skinny husband goes for something sweet after dinner. I notice that my children are forming the same bad habit. I have to admit that this habit was much harder to break last week then this week. Hence all the squares of chocolate that I snuck into my day, all 2 of them. Non the less, those were calories and fat that I just didn't need.
The other bad habit, which in my mind is probably worse then the first, is eating a bowl of ice cream at night. Or just plain eating anything several hours after dinner is done, so close to bed time. But mainly, it's the ice cream. I find solace and comfort in that darn creamy, satisfying confection. And just recently I had found a new ice cream that was SO good. It was especially delicous after an exceptionaly stressful day. Which surprises me about this week. There have been some stressful things going on which normally would have driven me to ice cream.
It is empowering to know that I have had the strength this week to break these bad habits. I know, I know, it hasn't even been a full two weeks. But DANG, taking it one day at a time and conquering one day at a time adds up to huge successes.
Breakfast:
yogurt
snack:
1/2 pear
@ 6 almonds
lunch:
salad with tomatos and parm. cheese
1/2 turkey, avacado wrap
1 chocolate chip cookie(I was at lunch with a bunch of other ladies and I just did it. Beckham asked me if I could have a cookie. I told him that I could, but I just choose to not have one. Too bad I couldn't stick to my own advice. GOSH DANG IT!!!!)
snack:
stupid half a chocolate chip cookie. I hate admiting this, it's so shameful and humiliating. But being honest is what is keeping me on track. Curses to the stupid chocolate chip cookie dough and softly baked cookies. DAMN!!!!!
Dinner:
Pulled pork on Home made whole wheat with half a bell pepper.
small heal of whole wheat with some peanut butter. GOSH DANG IT AGAIN!!!!
I really am disapointed in this day. Stupid cookies. I just need to not bring that temptation into my everyday. If I can't have cookies, then NOBODY gets cookies. Is that fair? I really want this to work. Everyone else can enjoy cookies on Sundays right along with me.
The other bad habit, which in my mind is probably worse then the first, is eating a bowl of ice cream at night. Or just plain eating anything several hours after dinner is done, so close to bed time. But mainly, it's the ice cream. I find solace and comfort in that darn creamy, satisfying confection. And just recently I had found a new ice cream that was SO good. It was especially delicous after an exceptionaly stressful day. Which surprises me about this week. There have been some stressful things going on which normally would have driven me to ice cream.
It is empowering to know that I have had the strength this week to break these bad habits. I know, I know, it hasn't even been a full two weeks. But DANG, taking it one day at a time and conquering one day at a time adds up to huge successes.
Breakfast:
yogurt
snack:
1/2 pear
@ 6 almonds
lunch:
salad with tomatos and parm. cheese
1/2 turkey, avacado wrap
1 chocolate chip cookie(I was at lunch with a bunch of other ladies and I just did it. Beckham asked me if I could have a cookie. I told him that I could, but I just choose to not have one. Too bad I couldn't stick to my own advice. GOSH DANG IT!!!!)
snack:
stupid half a chocolate chip cookie. I hate admiting this, it's so shameful and humiliating. But being honest is what is keeping me on track. Curses to the stupid chocolate chip cookie dough and softly baked cookies. DAMN!!!!!
Dinner:
Pulled pork on Home made whole wheat with half a bell pepper.
small heal of whole wheat with some peanut butter. GOSH DANG IT AGAIN!!!!
I really am disapointed in this day. Stupid cookies. I just need to not bring that temptation into my everyday. If I can't have cookies, then NOBODY gets cookies. Is that fair? I really want this to work. Everyone else can enjoy cookies on Sundays right along with me.
Visuals
Yesterday I had a conversation with Melissa. She told me that I should visualize myself as a thin me. It could also be another powerful tool. I brought to her attention that it's been YEARS since I've seen a thin me. I have no idea how to visualize that. So what do I do now? I know that is a great exercise to do. I guess I'll just start conjuring up my ideal body then cut and paste my head to that body. I was at my ideal weight for about 5 seconds.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Well, I am sure you thought I might never post here again...and I have to admit...a few months ago I don't think I saw myself needing to.
But, all that has changed for me.
I started Weight Watchers again today.
It's a big step for me. I lost 25 pounds last year...but I have only been able to keep 15 off.
It wasn't the worst thing that ever happened to me. I am not the heaviest I have ever been. But I am not happy with my body either.
So, I need to do something different, and I think I am ready to make it last.
Mostly, Amberlyn, I wanted you to know that you are not alone in your journey, and I think that for the first time in my life, I am ready to make that journey with you.
You have been so honest, and it has been such an inspiration for me.
So, here's a little honesty of my own.
I was 135 pounds in high school and I thought I was a cow...it got so bad that I developed an eating disorder that I struggled with well until college.
Once I got the eating disorder under control I started to put on weight.
When I got married I weighed 165 pounds.
Today I weight 180 pounds.
Like I said, it isn't the heaviest I ever weighed, but I hate my body right now.
And, unfortunately, there is no magic pill for me ... there never will be.
I don't eat because I am hungry. I don't eat to be healthy.
I eat because it makes me feel better and I eat because when I feel out of control, it helps me feel a little more in control.
And it's this lack of control that has been holding me back.
I had a tense conversation with someone at Joe's school today. All I could think about after the conversation was how much I wanted something to eat.
I don't recognize when my body is hungry. I don't know if I have even felt hungry for a really long time.
I don't recognize when my body is thirsty.
I have lost all those important signals, because I have been eating to satisfy needs that have nothing to do with food.
But...I have had a breakthrough.
A whole bunch of things happened at the same time, and I gave up caffeine about a month ago. I have tried before, but failed, and didn't think I could it. I didn't think I was strong enough.
But, the way everything worked out...let me make a decision that I didn't need it anymore. And I quit. And I haven't looked back.
I haven't had any cravings. I haven't had any withdrawl. I haven't felt any need at all to start again.
And honestly, the success has been really powerful.
So, I am ready to take control of my life...my eating...my health.
I have a lot to live for, and I am ready to live the life I was meant to lead.
Thanks for letting me share. I will try and keep you posted on my journey.
But, all that has changed for me.
I started Weight Watchers again today.
It's a big step for me. I lost 25 pounds last year...but I have only been able to keep 15 off.
It wasn't the worst thing that ever happened to me. I am not the heaviest I have ever been. But I am not happy with my body either.
So, I need to do something different, and I think I am ready to make it last.
Mostly, Amberlyn, I wanted you to know that you are not alone in your journey, and I think that for the first time in my life, I am ready to make that journey with you.
You have been so honest, and it has been such an inspiration for me.
So, here's a little honesty of my own.
I was 135 pounds in high school and I thought I was a cow...it got so bad that I developed an eating disorder that I struggled with well until college.
Once I got the eating disorder under control I started to put on weight.
When I got married I weighed 165 pounds.
Today I weight 180 pounds.
Like I said, it isn't the heaviest I ever weighed, but I hate my body right now.
And, unfortunately, there is no magic pill for me ... there never will be.
I don't eat because I am hungry. I don't eat to be healthy.
I eat because it makes me feel better and I eat because when I feel out of control, it helps me feel a little more in control.
And it's this lack of control that has been holding me back.
I had a tense conversation with someone at Joe's school today. All I could think about after the conversation was how much I wanted something to eat.
I don't recognize when my body is hungry. I don't know if I have even felt hungry for a really long time.
I don't recognize when my body is thirsty.
I have lost all those important signals, because I have been eating to satisfy needs that have nothing to do with food.
But...I have had a breakthrough.
A whole bunch of things happened at the same time, and I gave up caffeine about a month ago. I have tried before, but failed, and didn't think I could it. I didn't think I was strong enough.
But, the way everything worked out...let me make a decision that I didn't need it anymore. And I quit. And I haven't looked back.
I haven't had any cravings. I haven't had any withdrawl. I haven't felt any need at all to start again.
And honestly, the success has been really powerful.
So, I am ready to take control of my life...my eating...my health.
I have a lot to live for, and I am ready to live the life I was meant to lead.
Thanks for letting me share. I will try and keep you posted on my journey.
Gone by the wayside
Since I've been so dedicated to weight loss a few things have dropped on my priority list. Exercising is so important that it's the first thing I do when I have a chance. And eating healthy takes time and work. As a result, my house is just barely getting clean. As a matter of fact, there are a lot of rooms that aren't acceptable to me. But I'm letting it go. I am putting myself first. I am taking care of me, and meeting my needs right now. Once I get into a better routine, or Grace gets into a better routine I'm sure things will fall into place. Weight loss is my priority. It has to be for me to be successful. I hope my family and husband will be patient with me as I try and figure this out.
Breakfast:
Yogurt
Snack:
Diet Coke
4 quaker mini rice cakes
lunch:
whole wheat sandwich, pulled pork, 1/2 a red bell pepper
snack:
1oz cheese, a few almonds
dinner:
white chicken chili, 1 tsp sour cream, sprinkle of cheese
snack:
Fiber One granola bar
Breakfast:
Yogurt
Snack:
Diet Coke
4 quaker mini rice cakes
lunch:
whole wheat sandwich, pulled pork, 1/2 a red bell pepper
snack:
1oz cheese, a few almonds
dinner:
white chicken chili, 1 tsp sour cream, sprinkle of cheese
snack:
Fiber One granola bar
Heart Breaking Biggest Loser
So I am addicted to the Biggest Loser. Last night brought some tears to my eyes again at the weigh in. But for different reasons. The two people that needed to be there the most were the ones that were up for illimination. The 60 year old man brought tears to even the host. Everyone new that he should stay. The other kids was 19 years old and weighs over 400lbs. He has been told that he wont live past 30. Yikes. The group decided to vote off the 60 year old. I was so so so so so sad. But what I love the most about the biggest loser, are the success stories of those contestants that get voted off. Jerry was able to continue his weight loss journey and had lost a total of something like 86lbs. Way to go Jerry. So instead of tears of sadness, I had tears of joy for him. Relief that he took charge of his life.
This 19 year old was a huge inspiration to me last night as well. He was on the treadmill, RUNNING. RUNNING!!!! And he was yelling with joy and excitment. I thought to myself, "if that 400lb dude can get excited about running, then I can too."
Today I found myself jogging from the car to the Post Office, from the car to the Library. It felt great!!! Now I long for warmer weather. When I can get out and get my jiggly rear end out running. So that I am no longer a jiggle jiggler. I want to feel alive, to get that tingly feeling that you only get when you jog.
Spring, I know your just around the corner. Come quickly, please.
This 19 year old was a huge inspiration to me last night as well. He was on the treadmill, RUNNING. RUNNING!!!! And he was yelling with joy and excitment. I thought to myself, "if that 400lb dude can get excited about running, then I can too."
Today I found myself jogging from the car to the Post Office, from the car to the Library. It felt great!!! Now I long for warmer weather. When I can get out and get my jiggly rear end out running. So that I am no longer a jiggle jiggler. I want to feel alive, to get that tingly feeling that you only get when you jog.
Spring, I know your just around the corner. Come quickly, please.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Thoughts
As I was thinking about my "new" journey on the weight loss trail, I was impressed by the strength that I have starting out. Never before have I had such determination and will to do what is right. I'm pretty sure that I had to learn a few lessons and a few light bulbs needed to go off in my head before I could really begin this journey. One of those light bulb moments was during Education Week. I was in a class on Prayer and the Sis. teaching the lesson told us that if we approached the Lord with our righteous desires, he would answer them. It might take some time and effort on our part, but they would be answered. Never have I looked at weight loss as a righteous desire. I always thought it was vain and selfish. But who wants to be sick and afflicted, burdened with the chains of addiction? Until I made that connections, I never went to the Lord before for help. My journey is going to be long, and hard and full of work. But I am so relieved that I can suplicate the Lord with this righteous desire and get help from someone who is far greater and stronger then myself.
Breakfast:
Yogurt
Snack:
Pear, 2oz cheese, 2oz ham
Lunch:
Whole wheat sandwich consisting of a half bell pepper and 2 slices of turkey bacon.
YUMMY!!!!!
Snack:
1 big tablespoon of cookie dough. GOSH DANG IT!!!!
32 OZ. Diet Coke.
Dinner:
Ginormous Salad with pulled pork, and apples.
I am so sick with myself for eating that cookie dough. What the heck was I thinking!!! First I write about how strong I am and then I go and show how weak I am by eating that stinking stuff. Breath. I just took an immediate U-turn and finished the day strong.
Breakfast:
Yogurt
Snack:
Pear, 2oz cheese, 2oz ham
Lunch:
Whole wheat sandwich consisting of a half bell pepper and 2 slices of turkey bacon.
YUMMY!!!!!
Snack:
1 big tablespoon of cookie dough. GOSH DANG IT!!!!
32 OZ. Diet Coke.
Dinner:
Ginormous Salad with pulled pork, and apples.
I am so sick with myself for eating that cookie dough. What the heck was I thinking!!! First I write about how strong I am and then I go and show how weak I am by eating that stinking stuff. Breath. I just took an immediate U-turn and finished the day strong.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Week 2
The weekend was great. In the past, my freeday consisted of an entire weekend. It would start on Friday's at lunch and work it's way through Saturday and Sunday. And sometimes it would go through till Monday morning when the smell of Coconut Banana muffins would waft up my nose and I just can't resist. So my free "day" ends up lasting a whopping 4. Yikes. No wonder I've never been able to lose weight in the past. Not this time. I am so excited that this change has happened with me. When your ready, your ready. Nothing can get in your way. It's awesome!!!
Breakfast:
Protein Shake with frozen strawberries
Snack:
too late for snack
Lunch:
Huge salad consisting of ham, red bell pepper, green onions, 1/4 apple, and pecans
sugar free life saver
snack:
2oz cheese
1/2 pear
4 almonds
Dinner:
Small salad with apple and pecans
3oz ham
steamed broccoli and cauliflower
Breakfast:
Protein Shake with frozen strawberries
Snack:
too late for snack
Lunch:
Huge salad consisting of ham, red bell pepper, green onions, 1/4 apple, and pecans
sugar free life saver
snack:
2oz cheese
1/2 pear
4 almonds
Dinner:
Small salad with apple and pecans
3oz ham
steamed broccoli and cauliflower
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Surviving the weekend
I have to admit that this weekend was a success. For the most part. The only time I failed on Saturday was at my cousin's wedding. I had a small bowl of some kind of potato soup, half a white roll, and half a whoe wheat roll. I passed on the cookie and chocolates.
My Mom has been such a great support over this last weekend. Only offering me things that are on my okay list of things to eat. It is SO helpful having people to love and support you in such an up and down hill battle.
I feel the winds of change.
Today is my freeday. I pretty much have to force myself to eat chocolate. I thought I would never hear myself say those blessed words. I know that if I don't get it today when I can have it, I will crave it when I can't have it the most. I have been sick all day. Which makes me so excited to start a new week.
The greatest thing about this whole week is that I have lost 3.5lbs. Success is SWEET!!!!
My Mom has been such a great support over this last weekend. Only offering me things that are on my okay list of things to eat. It is SO helpful having people to love and support you in such an up and down hill battle.
I feel the winds of change.
Today is my freeday. I pretty much have to force myself to eat chocolate. I thought I would never hear myself say those blessed words. I know that if I don't get it today when I can have it, I will crave it when I can't have it the most. I have been sick all day. Which makes me so excited to start a new week.
The greatest thing about this whole week is that I have lost 3.5lbs. Success is SWEET!!!!
Friday, January 9, 2009
No eating after 7pm
So another day in my first week as a new me. I have thought a lot about this past week and what I have accomplished. Yes, there is still a ton of room for improvement. But you have to start somewhere. I wont be that healthy person over night, or within a week. I am proud of myself for not touching certain things. Yes, I still had a little bit of chocolate. But I didn't go back for a 2nd, 3rd,4th or even a 5th square of chocolate. That proves to me that I have discipline, I have motivation, I respect myself enough to say no.
Last night was a bit rough for me. I ALWAYS get the muchies at around 8pm. So I grabbed a half a protein bar and some almonds. Better then ice cream or pop corn right? Probably not. I know this is one area where I will need to try my hardest to stop eating after 7pm. I know that many people who have success losing weight stop eating after a certain time. This will be a benificial parctice for me to empliment in my daily routine. So, there is one of my goals for next week.
Another hurdle that is quickly approaching is the weekend. I STRUGGLE with the weekend eating. I just want to enjoy that pizza, have ice cream while watching a movie with my husband. But I need to change. Those habits have gotten me to my current self. I don't want that anymore. Bad habits are hard to break. I am going to take my momentum from this week and build on it for the weekend. I have to. Plus, allowing myself one free day is making it a little easier. I just have to make it through Saturday and then I can gorge all I want on Sunday. YES. If Melissa Fossat can look as amazing as she does, and she has a free day, then it's possible.
For dinner, while everyone else ate the scrumptious white bread crust with pepperoni pizza, I ate a pita pizza. I cute a whole wheat pita in half and put just a little motz. cheese on it with about 2 oz of ham. It met my cravings. Although, I did try a sliver of the pizza since I was trying out a new crust.
Breakfast:
Ham and Eggs
1 cup of Chocolate Soy Milk
Snack:
No time for morning snack
Lunch:
Salad at PennyRoyal Cafe
Diet Coke
Snack:
protein bar( I know, I know not the best but it was quick and satisfied my sweet/salty/crunchy craving).
10 manderine orange slices
Dinner:
whole wheat pita pizza, ham and motz. cheese
2 bites of a protein bar(sweet cravings after dinner are a killer for me)
1/2 square of chocolate
Last night was a bit rough for me. I ALWAYS get the muchies at around 8pm. So I grabbed a half a protein bar and some almonds. Better then ice cream or pop corn right? Probably not. I know this is one area where I will need to try my hardest to stop eating after 7pm. I know that many people who have success losing weight stop eating after a certain time. This will be a benificial parctice for me to empliment in my daily routine. So, there is one of my goals for next week.
Another hurdle that is quickly approaching is the weekend. I STRUGGLE with the weekend eating. I just want to enjoy that pizza, have ice cream while watching a movie with my husband. But I need to change. Those habits have gotten me to my current self. I don't want that anymore. Bad habits are hard to break. I am going to take my momentum from this week and build on it for the weekend. I have to. Plus, allowing myself one free day is making it a little easier. I just have to make it through Saturday and then I can gorge all I want on Sunday. YES. If Melissa Fossat can look as amazing as she does, and she has a free day, then it's possible.
For dinner, while everyone else ate the scrumptious white bread crust with pepperoni pizza, I ate a pita pizza. I cute a whole wheat pita in half and put just a little motz. cheese on it with about 2 oz of ham. It met my cravings. Although, I did try a sliver of the pizza since I was trying out a new crust.
Breakfast:
Ham and Eggs
1 cup of Chocolate Soy Milk
Snack:
No time for morning snack
Lunch:
Salad at PennyRoyal Cafe
Diet Coke
Snack:
protein bar( I know, I know not the best but it was quick and satisfied my sweet/salty/crunchy craving).
10 manderine orange slices
Dinner:
whole wheat pita pizza, ham and motz. cheese
2 bites of a protein bar(sweet cravings after dinner are a killer for me)
1/2 square of chocolate
Thursday, January 8, 2009
4th day, and going strong, sort of
Wow, I've made it a full 4 days. Whimpy, I know. But what a success for me to not be struggling. Usely the first week is a killer. I am so looking forward to my free-day on Sunday. I'm not going to talk about the food, because then I will be tempting myself to cheat. But I do have a few things in mind to eat.
Salad with roasted garbanzo beans
Chili with 1oz cheese
1/2 square of chocolate
1/4 of a protein bar
I need to change something. I don't feel like this is working for me at all. I have done great not eating cookies, ice cream, muffins, chocolate, or candy, pasta, white bread and rice. That is a success and I wish I could focus on that. But I'm finding it hard to do so. Seriously, what you see typed is all that I've eaten. That is the HONEST truth. I guess I need to re-evaluate what I'm eating and incorporate more veggies. I have a hard time coming up with things on my own. I guess my next strategy is to follow a program like Body for Life.
The only thing that is discouraging to me is the addition of exercise. Without fail, the weight loss is always slower when I add exercise. In the recent past, I lose weight dramatically when I just cut back on my eating, and no exercise. But I know how important exercise is to my health and keeping weight off permanantly. So I will continue to trudge along. Besides, it's not just about the weight loss, it's about feeling good about myself. When I don't exercise, I don't feel good about myself.
At about 2:30 a huge craving hit me. What to do. Sit down and write. Why am I craving? Not sure. I always need something right about now. But it's too early to eat anything. Am I just thirsty? I'm not bored, I have plenty to do. Maybe it's my body eating away at my fat stores. Hey, let's go with that.
I wish I could say that I stayed strong and didn't snack on the kids snacks. But unfortunately, I did. I had maybe an 1/8 of a cup of that stupid mix.
I wish I could say that I stayed strong and didn't snack on the kids snacks. But unfortunately, I did. I had maybe an 1/8 of a cup of that stupid mix.
Breakfast:
Yogurt
2 bites of a blueberry muffin. Shoot.
Snack:
Protein shake, frozen strawberries, 10 almonds
Protein shake, frozen strawberries, 10 almonds
I was starving after my work out.
Lunch:
Salad with 1oz ham (trying to get in more protein to build muscle)
My very last lean pocket
1/2 inch square of dark chocolate
Snack:
Protein Bar, 1/4 apple
Dinner:Protein Bar, 1/4 apple
Salad with roasted garbanzo beans
Chili with 1oz cheese
1/2 square of chocolate
1/4 of a protein bar
I need to change something. I don't feel like this is working for me at all. I have done great not eating cookies, ice cream, muffins, chocolate, or candy, pasta, white bread and rice. That is a success and I wish I could focus on that. But I'm finding it hard to do so. Seriously, what you see typed is all that I've eaten. That is the HONEST truth. I guess I need to re-evaluate what I'm eating and incorporate more veggies. I have a hard time coming up with things on my own. I guess my next strategy is to follow a program like Body for Life.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
The Biggest Loser
Last night was the start of a new season of Biggest Loser. It's the BIGGEST season ever, people big that is. And they were big. I know that I have some weight to lose, but nothing compared to those poor souls. When they got on the scales and saw their weight in numbers, it was emotional. I cried for those men and women. And I think, in part, I cried for myself. Realizing that weight lose is not going to be easy. It is going to be a hard road, full of sweat and tears, ups and downs. Since we have gotten rid of cable, there is nothing else to watch on the T.V. I am planning on following this season and hoping that I lose weight along with these people. Watching the show is inspiring, and I hope to soak up some of that inspiration and apply it to my own journey.
I am so thankful that I am not as obese as those men and women. I know that I can improve, and that's what my plan is. But I am so glad that I haven't let myself go so far that I can't recognize myself in the mirror.
I am so thankful that I am not as obese as those men and women. I know that I can improve, and that's what my plan is. But I am so glad that I haven't let myself go so far that I can't recognize myself in the mirror.
Busy means something Fast
Again, I didn't find it hard to make good choices. I realize that I am still far from being the healthy person that I want to be. I was super busy this morning. Running here and running there. I didn't have the time to prepare my meals the way I had hoped. So I did my best.
Breakfast:
Ham and eggs
Snack:
protien bar, a diet coke, and a couple bites of an apple
lunch:
Lean Pocket (yet again. it was fast and I was hungry)
steamed edamame, sugar snap peas, carrots, and black beans
1/2 inch peice of dark chocolate
snack:
pinch of cheerios snack mix, pinch of shredded cheese, an apple, 10 almonds
dinner:
ginormous salad w/ green onions, cilantro, red bell pepper, 2oz white cheddar cheese, 3 oz shredded pork and 1 TBL light ranch dressing.
3/4 cup manderine oranges
1/2 inch dark chocolate
crystal light
I realize that there are better choices then the lean pocket. I will try harder to prepare better lunches. But I think we all have those days where we go a hundred miles a minute and just don't have the time. My health and weight loss is important to me. I will get to a place where I can make better choices and have healthier items on hand. I'm still learning and growing at this. I wish it just didn't have to take me year after year, mistake after mistake to learn simple tricks.
Preparing dinner is when I generally have a hard time. I am cooking good food, it smells good, and my tummy rumbles. So what do I do, I snack on the items that I'm cooking. Hench, the pinch of cheese. And I just had to try the new snack I bought for the kids, make sure it was worthy of their taste buds. I'm glad I was able to come and sit down and write down my thoughts. It has refocused me and now I'm just going to drink some crystal light (wal-mart version).
Somthing else I realized as I was documenting my dinner, I need to drink more water. I know that water is key to weight loss. I will try and drink more water tomorrow. I am proud of myself for just having one diet coke today. My goal is to just drink diet coke when out to dinner or lunch.
I dealt with just today, and I think I did pretty good. Still LOTS of room for improvement. I can be better tomorrow.
Breakfast:
Ham and eggs
Snack:
protien bar, a diet coke, and a couple bites of an apple
lunch:
Lean Pocket (yet again. it was fast and I was hungry)
steamed edamame, sugar snap peas, carrots, and black beans
1/2 inch peice of dark chocolate
snack:
pinch of cheerios snack mix, pinch of shredded cheese, an apple, 10 almonds
dinner:
ginormous salad w/ green onions, cilantro, red bell pepper, 2oz white cheddar cheese, 3 oz shredded pork and 1 TBL light ranch dressing.
3/4 cup manderine oranges
1/2 inch dark chocolate
crystal light
I realize that there are better choices then the lean pocket. I will try harder to prepare better lunches. But I think we all have those days where we go a hundred miles a minute and just don't have the time. My health and weight loss is important to me. I will get to a place where I can make better choices and have healthier items on hand. I'm still learning and growing at this. I wish it just didn't have to take me year after year, mistake after mistake to learn simple tricks.
Preparing dinner is when I generally have a hard time. I am cooking good food, it smells good, and my tummy rumbles. So what do I do, I snack on the items that I'm cooking. Hench, the pinch of cheese. And I just had to try the new snack I bought for the kids, make sure it was worthy of their taste buds. I'm glad I was able to come and sit down and write down my thoughts. It has refocused me and now I'm just going to drink some crystal light (wal-mart version).
Somthing else I realized as I was documenting my dinner, I need to drink more water. I know that water is key to weight loss. I will try and drink more water tomorrow. I am proud of myself for just having one diet coke today. My goal is to just drink diet coke when out to dinner or lunch.
I dealt with just today, and I think I did pretty good. Still LOTS of room for improvement. I can be better tomorrow.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Dang, here we go AGAIN
January is usually the time when we renew to be better, to do better. This year is no exception. Lately I have felt very discouraged by my weight. This isn't the heaviest I've been, although it's close. The difference is in my body make up. I have fat in places I've never experienced before and it is NOT cool. I feel like I am at the lowest point right now. I'm fine, no worries. I guess sometimes you have to reach the bottom before you realize that enough is enough. Well, I've stinking had it with myself. I'm not with the "snacking" bit. I'm done, done, done, done.
I expressed my concerns with my sister and she suggested that I post what I eat everyday on this blog to become accountable. I've tried that before and I've never been really honest with myself or other people. Well, I guess today is the day that I get real, that I start being honest with myself and others about what I shove in my pie hole everyday. I am commited to my sister to being honest about what I eat and report to her everyday. NO MATTER WHAT, not matter the embarassement or humiliation. I will be honest and true.
I have to admit that the last few days hasn't been hard to eat right. It hasn't been a struggle and I don't hate life. Yes, I realize that it's only been 2 days. Not even 2 full days. But you have to start somewhere. You can only live in the day and today I am doing great. I can look back to yesterday and I have no control over tomorrow. I can do my best in the now.
So here is a run down of what I've eaten so far today:
Breatkfast
1 light and fit dannon yogurt
Lunch
1 ginormous salad with bell pepper and sauted onions, 6 olives, 1 cheese stick(protien)
1 lean pocket
1 frozen garahm cracker sandwich with light cool whip
Snack
15 almonds
1 cheese stick
3/4 cup manderine oranges
1 frozen garahm cracker sandwich with light cool whip.
A few sugar free peppermint life savors
That's it. Not too bad right? Okay, I know. I really need to cut out the garahm cracker thingies. But I remember those only being 1 point according to weight watchers. I have to get my sugar fix in somehow right? Okay, maybe not.
For dinner I plan on having another salad (no cheese), ham, and some cauliflour.
I expressed my concerns with my sister and she suggested that I post what I eat everyday on this blog to become accountable. I've tried that before and I've never been really honest with myself or other people. Well, I guess today is the day that I get real, that I start being honest with myself and others about what I shove in my pie hole everyday. I am commited to my sister to being honest about what I eat and report to her everyday. NO MATTER WHAT, not matter the embarassement or humiliation. I will be honest and true.
I have to admit that the last few days hasn't been hard to eat right. It hasn't been a struggle and I don't hate life. Yes, I realize that it's only been 2 days. Not even 2 full days. But you have to start somewhere. You can only live in the day and today I am doing great. I can look back to yesterday and I have no control over tomorrow. I can do my best in the now.
So here is a run down of what I've eaten so far today:
Breatkfast
1 light and fit dannon yogurt
Lunch
1 ginormous salad with bell pepper and sauted onions, 6 olives, 1 cheese stick(protien)
1 lean pocket
1 frozen garahm cracker sandwich with light cool whip
Snack
15 almonds
1 cheese stick
3/4 cup manderine oranges
1 frozen garahm cracker sandwich with light cool whip.
A few sugar free peppermint life savors
That's it. Not too bad right? Okay, I know. I really need to cut out the garahm cracker thingies. But I remember those only being 1 point according to weight watchers. I have to get my sugar fix in somehow right? Okay, maybe not.
For dinner I plan on having another salad (no cheese), ham, and some cauliflour.
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