Well, I am sure you thought I might never post here again...and I have to admit...a few months ago I don't think I saw myself needing to.

But, all that has changed for me.

I started Weight Watchers again today.

It's a big step for me. I lost 25 pounds last year...but I have only been able to keep 15 off.

It wasn't the worst thing that ever happened to me. I am not the heaviest I have ever been. But I am not happy with my body either.

So, I need to do something different, and I think I am ready to make it last.

Mostly, Amberlyn, I wanted you to know that you are not alone in your journey, and I think that for the first time in my life, I am ready to make that journey with you.

You have been so honest, and it has been such an inspiration for me.

So, here's a little honesty of my own.

I was 135 pounds in high school and I thought I was a cow...it got so bad that I developed an eating disorder that I struggled with well until college.

Once I got the eating disorder under control I started to put on weight.

When I got married I weighed 165 pounds.

Today I weight 180 pounds.

Like I said, it isn't the heaviest I ever weighed, but I hate my body right now.

And, unfortunately, there is no magic pill for me ... there never will be.

I don't eat because I am hungry. I don't eat to be healthy.

I eat because it makes me feel better and I eat because when I feel out of control, it helps me feel a little more in control.

And it's this lack of control that has been holding me back.

I had a tense conversation with someone at Joe's school today. All I could think about after the conversation was how much I wanted something to eat.

I don't recognize when my body is hungry. I don't know if I have even felt hungry for a really long time.

I don't recognize when my body is thirsty.

I have lost all those important signals, because I have been eating to satisfy needs that have nothing to do with food.

But...I have had a breakthrough.

A whole bunch of things happened at the same time, and I gave up caffeine about a month ago. I have tried before, but failed, and didn't think I could it. I didn't think I was strong enough.

But, the way everything worked out...let me make a decision that I didn't need it anymore. And I quit. And I haven't looked back.

I haven't had any cravings. I haven't had any withdrawl. I haven't felt any need at all to start again.

And honestly, the success has been really powerful.

So, I am ready to take control of my life...my eating...my health.

I have a lot to live for, and I am ready to live the life I was meant to lead.

Thanks for letting me share. I will try and keep you posted on my journey.