Tick Tock

Like I mentioned in my last post, yesterday was really hard for me. I went to bed and didn't eat anything that I would regret today. I should count that as another small victory. But the emotions that are starting to surface are some that I have felt so often before. It's very frustrating. Due to my hunger and frustration Monster Mom came out and I spent most of the time yelling at the kids. I knew it was just a matter of time before I started to feel this way again. I don't want them. But how do I overcome these thoughts and feelings in a healthy way? How do I overcome my urge to splurge? I really would love to go for a walk or jog. But the air quality here is the worst in the nation and they highly recommend everyone stay in from the outdoors.
That sucks.

I think what this comes down to is prayer. Those moments that I experience my weakness is when I need to find a quiet spot and plead for more strength, more help, more power.

A friend of mine said something to me several months ago that struck me strongly. She said that being good for one day isn't enough. You have to be good for 100 days before you achieve your goal. If I could just stick to this journey it would only take me about 3,4 maybe 5 months at the most to lose what I desire. In the scheme of things, that's nothing. It's just the daily battles that make it difficult.

I had a few light bulb moments during a conversation this morning. I realized that I might have information overload. I don't want to eat the wrong things, or too much of a good thing, or too often, I'm simply afraid of over eating. But by evening I am starving. In the past I didn't put two and two together. Instead of figuring out what my problem was I would quietly slip from myself and indulge in the chocolate or what ever. Now I have a better understanding of what is going on in my brain. When I'm hungry I need to eat. I need to stop this internal battle that I'm having with myself. So I am going to make a list of all the items that I can eat. So when those urges come I can turn to the list. Hopefully this list will give me the permission to not feel guilty. I would so much rather eat more of the good stuff, then fail(once again) and indulge in something that is going to put me in a tail spin down down down until I crash and burn.

breakfast:
turkey bacon and eggs
1/2 manderine oranges

snack:
Protein shake made with water
1.5 servings of raw nuts and raisans

lunch:
bell pepper strips, cheese wrapped in deli chicken.
diet coke

snack:
protein bar

dinner:
smokehouse salad with pulled pork.

The difference between the past and present is in my attitude. Before I would enter this weight loss journey resolved to fail. It was the inevitable. This time I'm resolved to succeed. I no longer want to disappoint myself. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired and overweight. Enough is enough. Now is my time to change. I have to power. And I WILL have 100 good days.