Insight

Last night as I was looking for a book for Hannah to read I came across some old eating/exercise journals of mine. One of them was dated clear back to January 2006. I was starting at about the same weight and to my surprise the weight loss was much slower back then, than it is now. As I read what it was that I ate, no wonder it was slow going. I still had a hard time cutting out the sweets and many of my comments and goals were to stop grazing. The lightest I got that year was 177. And that lasted for just about 1 week in July. Then something happened and all the weight came back. Well, not all about 10lbs.

This insight helped me in two ways. One, that I was committed enough the first time to last all the way until July, even though the weight loss was as slow as snails. But I stuck to it. And now that I think about it I remember being frustrated about that fact. The second insight was my eating. No wonder the weight loss was slow. I still did not have my head in the game. That is what is so different about this time.

I want this so badly that I am not cheating, not grazing, not snacking, not eating after dinner. I know that I sound like a broken record. But I can feel the difference. And the writing just proves it.

I did notice as I looked back that when I was my lightest I was counting calories. So I think I am on to something there. I will stick to the counting calories this week and see how the scale rewards me, if it does at all.

One thing I do wish is that I had written down my feelings. I am so glad that I have this blog to document my progress, my feelings, my disappointments and success. I hope to look back at it and use it for some good. It would have been nice to see what frame of mind I was in when I was at my lightest and heaviest. I wonder what triggered the weight gain. This might sound terrible, but when I think about it, it had to deal with losing a friendship and gaining a calling that , dare I say, I despised. There it is, the truth. Although despise is a pretty strong word, the calling did stress me out to the max. One point I remember retreating to the pantry for some small sneakers bars when i realized that it was Thursday and my day to host. Yes, I am very much an emotional eater. At least, I use to be. I'm sure at some point when I hit a very hard time emotional, I will come to that cross roads again. What will I do? I hope I will be strong enough to go for a walk, or call a friend, or blog about it instead of hiding away in the pantry.

Breakfast:
2 slices turkey bacon (70)
1 egg, 1 egg white (70) 140

snack:
no snack

lunch:
roast turkey, ham sandwich on whole wheat with bell pepper, lettuce, sprouts (200)
few bites of a salad(20)

snack:
Protein Shake (180)
salad w/dressing (80)

dinner:
1.5 lasagna stuffed bell pepper(250)
1 medium apple(65)


grand total: 935 give or take.