Freaked Out

I forgot to mention the total of my weight loss for the month of January. With the help of my amazing last week I lost a total of 10.5lbs. With my original goal of 30lbs I am 1/3 of the way done. Wow, when you put it like that it makes it seem attainable.

Unfortunately I am having some body issues. I know that 10lbs is great. But I still am bothered by my ginormous gut. I hate it. It greets me in the morning sloshing from side to side. It gets in the way of my pants. I am trying to focus on other good things that are happening to my body. I noticed that my back fat has gone down a little. My legs are starting to tone up. But it's that gut that keeps eeking back into my thoughts and getting in the way.

Plus I have thoughts of starvation mode. Is my eating too few calories going to really back fire on me. Is the weight I lost last week all water? I want to be successful, but successful the right way. I want this weight to stay off permanently. That means slow and steady. 1.5-2lbs a week. More then that isn't good. Or so I'm told. So how do I rectify my situation? I have to eat at least 1200 calories a day. How do I do that? I am so afraid of eating too much. But eating too little apparently is a bad thing too. I guess I'll eat an apple with lunch? Have a slice of bread with my protein shake? And be happy with a 1.5lb weekly weight loss?

Never have I been so freaked out by food. Never before have I enjoyed the feelings of hunger pains. Those pains make me feel like I am in control of my life. I am no longer numb to food or to life. I am aware of my body and what is going into my mouth. So now I have gone from one extreme to the other. Now I am struggling to find balance.

One beacon of light is my free day. At least that one day of indulgence tells my body that it isn't starving. That I am still willing to feed it's needs. The difference is that I have one free day, and not 7.

I just divided 1200 by 5, which is how many times a day that I eat, and I should be eating 240 calories every time I eat. I will try this strategy for a week and since how that turns out.


breakfast:
protein shake with frozen strawberries and coconut milk (230)

snack:
none

lunch:
turkey and bell pepper sandwich (120)
whole wheat bread(170)
2 tsp light mayo (20)
1 tsp Dijon mustard (20)(330)(640)

I realized that I wasn't allocating enough calories for my bread. It's healthy, but packed with calories. That helps me a ton to reach my calorie intake. And I don't have to add anything else to my lunch.



snack:

10 almonds(60)

3/4 apple(35)

1 TBL peanut butter(90)

1 cheese stick(80)(265)(375)



Okay, so I went way overboard on this snack. Like, big time. I WILL NOT do that again. I don't know what I was thinking!!!