I'm choosing to sit down and write while the pangs of hunger rumble in my tummy. And really, they aren't the pangs of hunger, it's muscle, nerve, habit, memory that I am trying to change right now. Instead of being in the kitchen, I am choosing to be here writing about how hard it is to change years and years and years of bad habiting. Am I hungry? Maybe a little. I think it's good to feel a little hunger. That means you are becoming aware of your body. My senses are heightened and not dulled.
I started counting calories again this past Monday. 1500 calories is 1500 calories no matter how you count them or where you get them from. I was having success doing this in the beginning of the summer so I thought I'd give it another go. I still struggle with my sweet tooth. I really wish I had a veggie tooth instead. I really want to eat the vegetables, they just take so darn long to prepare. No wonder people are fat. It's easier to grab for a bag of chips then it is a bag of broccoli. I was going to say carrots but that wouldn't have been a good comparison cuz grabbing a bag of those is just as easy as a bag of chips. Just as long as the bag is baby carrots and not like the ones I have which needs to be peeled and cut. But what ev.
And why is it that it's so much easier to gain weight then it is to lose weight? That just seems so unfair. And what's even more unfair is when people notice when you gain weight and your like the big white elephant in the room that no one can talk about. Ya, that really sucks. And even more then it sucks, it hurts.
This was a huge motivation for me to start losing weight. Even though I don't like to focus on the weight. I realized at some point I have to face it. I have to do something about it. I have to look at the elephant in the eye and tell him to get the hell out. I have to hard things. I need to understand that I CAN do hard things. My "hard thing" is to overcome my stupid dysfunctional relationship with food. I finally need to take what I've learned this past year and actually start using that knowledge. Have the faith to know that it will help me to heal, to move forward, and change forever.
I CAN DO HARD THINGS!!!
