I am beyond frustrated with myself. At this point in my life with all the ah-ha, light-blub, moments I should be happy to find myself on a pathway that leads to light and truth. That just isn't the case. As much as I don't want this journey to be about weight, it is. I'm saddened that I have gained 7lbs over the summer. You might think, 7lbs, what ev. But that makes a huge difference in the way your clothes fit, and that trickles down to how you feel about yourself.
I'm just grateful that I am attacking this problem from another perspective. I really want to eat my way out of the feelings that I am feeling right now. But that would be asinine. I know what it would feel like at the other end, terrible. Food is not going to get me through my feelings right now. Writing them down, is.
What are the emotions surging through my body right now? Disgust, discouragement, disappointment, anger, frustration, and sadness.
What am I going to do to move on? It already feels better to own the feelings. My weight and perspective on life isn't going to change in a week or a month. Patience, waiting, persevering, sticking to the plan is what I have to do at this moment. I ate my lunch. I ate what I wanted. I am a little too full which means I didn't stop when I was hungry. Which means I probably numbed a little of those harsh feelings.
I'm going to now wait until snack time. I'm not hungry. I don't want to eat. What I want is to nurture my throbbing soul, feed it some joy and goodness and move on with my day.
2 comments:
Oh Sis--I hope you do take pause today to take joy in your life. At least you didn't gain 40 pounds like I did!!!!
7 lbs. is discouraging. I gained 7lbs. in the Spring. It let it get to me so much, that now I can claim 20 lbs. over the Summer. Running and everything...
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