Living Life Deliberately

The last few weeks I have felt myself slipping.  I had a great thing going studying my scriptures and gospel doctrine in the mornings before my kids got up.  Then I would get my kids up and read a few verses in the Book of Mormon with them.  Throughout the day I would listen to Conference talks.  I found that the t.v. wasn't on as much. I was also doing a really great job at being aware of my body and when it was truly hungry and full.  It all seems to be slipping away.  I wake up in the mornings feeling sick from the over processed food that I find myself gravitating toward.  All those things are disappearing. 

Then I realized that I was doing all those things deliberately.  I was desiring a certain outcome to my life so I was deliberately doing those things to aquire said outcome.  And you know, it was working.  If I want my life to change completely I have to live every life deliberately and with diligence. 

When did it all start slipping?  When I wanted to start making goals in my life.  I had written some down.  They were all awesome goals.  None of them had to do with losing weight and getting to a certain size or number.  But it felt all wrong.  I got scared and my bad habits crept back into my life. 

I also realize that if I am going to change that I am going to have to set some goals to help me change.  And I do want to lose weight.  I am not happy, as I mentioned in my last post, with my body and the way it is functioning.  I also realize that my insecurities are effecting my relationship with the husband.  Which makes me completely sad.

Nothing in my life is beyond change .  That brings me great hope.  I can deliberately change my diet to feel better on the inside, thus making me feel better on the outside.  I can deliberately go to bed early so I can arise early and read my scriptures.  Which will strengthen my spirit and bring me closer to God.  I can deliberately go on a walk every single day which will strengthen my body and give my self-confidence a boost. 

In short, I am going to once again start living my life deliberately.  I am grateful that I recognized what was going on before it was far too late.  It's never too late, but sometimes if you wait too long it's harder to get started again. 

My first step moving forward is to come to terms with goal setting.  I need to realize that good goal setting is healthy and a way to progress.

Double Serving of Softball with a Dash of "Reality Sucks"!!

About a month ago I joined a softball team.  I've been asked to join the team for the last few years and every year I passed on the opportunity.  I had no desire to be humiliated with my running skills, hitting and catching skills.  This year I thought I'd push through the embarrassment to push myself to do something new.  I have NEVER played organized softball in my life.  I went to my first practice and thought this is no big deal.  I watched the other ladies around me struggle to pick up the ball, and run after the ball.  At first I was like, what's their problem?  And then it was my turn and I found myself tipping over when reaching for that blasted ball.   I quickly discovered that I am completely out of shape.  My gut gets in the way of my ability to bend over and pick up the ball, my big old rear end prevents me from running as fast as I imagine myself running. 

At first I was embarrassed.  But wait a minute, I'm not the only one who was struggling out there (double fist pump to the chest to all my peeps in the same boat, I truly feel you!).  My embarrassment quickly turned to anger.  Anger at letting myself get this way.  I have discovered some amazing things about myself and my relationship with God.  But in the process I lost my body.  I am angry.  I am angry that my body can't do the things that I want it to do.  I'm so angry it brings me to tears.  Am I angry enough to do something about it?

YOU BET!!