Not Perfection

How did the first 4 days go of my no-sugar fast?  I did awesome 2 out of the 4 days.  I refuse to demand perfection out of myself.  When I have demanded that of myself in the past I begin to hate the process, hate myself, and end up giving up all together.  On Wednesday I went out with a new friend to a new place to eat and allowed myself to share a shake with her and our children.  It was good, and I didn't have anything else for the rest of the day.  Thursday my cousin and Aunt came over for a quilting day.  That was a lot of fun.  Although I succumbed to drinking a diet caffeine free soda, and my Aunt had a massive craving for a cake so we made one from a box mix an another diet soda.  My Aunt made this amazing glaze to go on top and I allowed myself to try that as well.  Goodness it was good.  Again, I didn't have anything after it. I did recognize how crazy I was for it after just trying the first little bit.  My body took a little quick intake of breath and asked itself, "What is this deliciousness and give me more!!"  Sure fire sign of an addict. 

I look at where I have come in just even a year and I am proud of my progress.  The reason I am doing this 30 day fast is to prove to myself that I can go without sugar.  That my desire for better health is greater then my desire to indulge in junk.  Even though these last 4 days have not been "perfect" I still haven't bought candy when I am at the store. I don't have candy or cookies in my pantry to tempt and try me. I don't buy a soda every time I'm in the grocery store and I'm not hopping in the 'burb to run down to the nearest gas station to get my fix. 

I am the first one to admit that I am some what of a follower.  I love doing what others are doing and have a hard time not participating in the fun things.  And for me, that involves food.  That is a step that I know will come later.  I can't jump all these hurdles at once.  That is a sure fire way for me to fall flat and hard on my face. 

The weekend is coming up and another challenge will be presented.  I love the weekends and the treats that tend to come with them.  But I have promised myself 30 days and although I don't demand perfection I will stretch myself.  It can be done.  I can go a weekend without getting too cray cray with the treatie treats.  My weekends have already changed their look and feel.  A lot still needs to happen. Progress, that's what I am making. 

The other critical principle that I am trying to pay attention to, is my body cues.  When it's hungry, i try to eat.  I try to stop eating before I get completely full, and the most important, I try not to eat when I am not hungry.  For so many years I ate even when I wasn't hungry.  I am trying to be kind and nurturing to myself and really listen to what my body is saying and asking me to do.  It's hard.  But I am grateful for the challenge.

No Sugar?

I can't believe it's been a whole month since the last time I posted something.  I realized that somethings never change with me.  One being the fact that I get so easily discouraged.  I haven't done anything good since this last post.  Despite losing a pound.

Over this past year I have watched several people around me successfully lose weight, and a lot of it.  Between 50-70lbs.  I think I'm still stuck in the desire to lose everything in a few short months.  Which, come on, really? That kind of weight loss is never permanent.  These people have inspired me to be consistent.  I realize that it's going to take me TIME to lose the amount of weight that I need to lose.  So I have set one long term goal for myself, accompanied by some monthly goals.  I have come to terms with the fact that it will take me about 10 months to lose 40lbs.  I hope to be able to lose 5lbs a month.  I don't think these goals are lofty or unattainable. In fact, I think they are highly reasonable and very attainable.

To Kick start my success I have committed to go 30 days without any sugar.  After going off of candy in January, this probably wont be as difficult as it might have been a year ago.

Easter really kicked my butt.  As it does every ding dang year.  I indulged in a huge container of Jelly Belly's from Costco, courtesy of my parents.  I still have yet to purchase myself candy in the store like I use too.  Which I'm sure is a habit that contributed to my current state.

These past few weeks of not drinking green smoothies and back to eating sugar has thrust me back into feeling sick, tired, and plain out of motivation to do anything.  I know this is due to the sugar.  It truly is poisoning my body.  For some psycho reason, I keep eating the damn stuff despite the side effects.
Over the past year I have overcome a lot of baggage, healed hurts, and improved my feelings of self worth.  I know I am not eating because of any of these reasons.  I truly believe it's out of habit now.  I am hoping that in this 30 days I will begin to break the bad habits that I have formed over 20 years.

This too, is a recurring theme of mine.  Just bare with me as I try to overcome it.

I have also discovered that the more I document my progress the better I do.  I hope to write at least once a week.  I am also going to document my eating and exercise once again at Myfitnesspal.com.  Love love lovie love this site.

Here's to 30 days without sugar.