Getting Older Sucks

Of course I haven't been writing because the quest has been stalled.  I feel badly for not writing through my pain and disappointments.  Life isn't all about ups, it has it's downs too.  It just feels like I haven't had much visible success.  I know I've grown a lot spiritually, but that's not reflecting my physical body.  I was hoping that it would.  But it hasn't.  I know that I need to put the Lord first.  I believe I've known this for a long time and have yet to act upon it.  I need to get up early and read my scriptures instead of worrying about a work-out.  I need to exercise my spirit as well as my physical body. 

When it comes to my body, I'm so disappointed.  I refuse to go out and get new pants that fit me better.  The tight pants are a reminder every day that I need to change something.  And something needs to change quickly.  I have been making efforts to eat better and eliminate certain foods during the day, i.e. candy, cookies, and chips.  Life is so much better now that Halloween is over and done with and all the candy is in the garbage. But there has been no change, for good, in my weight.  In fact I have actually GAINED more weight.  What the heck?  So discouraging.  I really do just want to give up on this aging body of mine.  I know I'm still just in my thirties, but I really do feel as though it's harder to lose weight then it was in my twenties.  Eegads, man.  The wrinkles are a little deeper and more defined, the gray hairs are more and more.  Now that I've started dying my hair my roots look worse and worse.  So begins the cycle of dying my hair.  Gag a mag.  What is a girl to do? 

For one, stop the pitty party and do SOMETHING  about it.  I've seen lots of older people lose weight.  I know the science is there, fewer calories in more lbs lost.  If it were only that simple.  Unfortunately there are a lot of emotions connected to the food that I choose to eat.  I want to lose weight badly.  If it were that easy with will power.  But will power is weak when an addiction is attached.

I've gained so much valuable information in the last 6 months that I'm confused on where to begin.  I know the change that I desire has to come from the inside first.  No matter how much weight I lose, if I don't find peace with who I am, I will still be un-happy.  And all the weight will come back on, as it has in the past.  It always comes back.  I've kept a portion of the weight off.  But not completely.

I need for my lifestyle to change.  For me to look at veggies as life food, not diet food.  I know I've said this before.  I continue in my own personal cycle.  I want for this cycle to end. 

I am going to go and purchase the new 12 step program that is used by the LDS church.  I am going to start on step 1.  I know that with the help of gospel principles and the Atonement of Jesus Christ I will find that change I desire on the inside.  **Sigh**

Getting older still sucks, right now.  I know that my older self can feel just as good as my younger self.  I do have to make some major changes for that to happen. 

I am going to be more diligent in writing as well.  I know that I will have more success if I am honest with myself and write things down. 

I did purchase another diet book that I am excited to try.  I am going to start it on Monday.  I'm a creature of habit, and I always have to start things new on a Monday.  Besides, my book isn't coming until Thursday. 

I still desire change, I still desire weight loss, I'm just taking the really, really, really, really, really long way to get there.  It will happen, I'm confident of that.