Yesterday I was talking with a friend at church and I had an ah-ha moment. I told her that was going to start eating well and exercising on Monday. As I was telling her all this I realized that I am scared!! I am scared to fail. I have failed so many times in the past, as I mentioned in my last post. I am so scared of failing that I have butterflies in my stomach.
Later that day I as I thought more about why I am scared, I realized that this is the first time that I am getting professional help for my weight problem. And the reason I think I am so scared is this: What if I still can't lose weight with someone's professional help. What a bigger failure I will be.
I am having a hard time letting go of the food. It's like I will be taking something away from myself. Then I thought a lot about what Denise said in response to my last post. I need to fill my emptiness with something more important, and bigger then I am. That something would be my Savior and Heavenly Father. Before I became pregnant with Grace I realized this. I new that my personal relationship with my Savior and Heavenly Father was just barely there. Another of my personal insecurities comes through: I have little faith in prayer. I feel as though my problems are too insignificant to bother my H.F. with. But doesn't He love all of his children? Doesn't He want us to go to him with our personal struggles? This is a major struggle for me. Why wouldn't he want to hear about it and put me on a path to overcome it? I just need to take that step forward with more faith then I've ever had before and put my trust in Him and in prayer.
1 comment:
Be careful what you wish for!
I went through this EXACT stuggle with prayer and I am finally at a point where I realize that prayer is important, that my prayers are being heard, and that heavenly father actually answers my prayers.
But, before any of that could happen, it was with some major trials and A LOT of major prayer.
It was gut wrenching, but in the end, TOTALLY worth the experience.
You can do it Amberlyn.
I think that the professional help may point you in the right direction, but all the real work will be done on your spirit, and as you take care of that, your body will follow.
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