I think I had a break through today. Many specialist say that if you are over weight there is something in your life that you just haven't faced. In talking with a friend today I answered a series of questions. The first one being Why do I want to lose weight. I want to lose weight because I want to be thin. Why do you want to be thin? Because I want to feel attractive. Why do you want to feel attractive? I want my husband to find me attractive. But I'm afraid that even if I do become thin, he still wont find me attractive. WHOA!!!! For me that is heavy, and the first time I owned up to those feelings and thoughts. But this is only my "truth", which really is un-truth. A lie that I keep telling myself. I need to confront this head on and have a talk with Brent right away. I'm sure this is not how he feels. This is my insecurity ( this blog just got super personal).
Something that I have personally struggled with almost my whole married life. Some how I feel better. Writing all this down makes me realize how ridiculous this sounds. Almost. They are my feelings. I'm just glad I claimed them as mine, and now maybe I can move forward.
Having just had a baby doesn't help the situation either.
1 comment:
I think that this is probably something that you have been dealing with long before you ever got married.
It isn't about your husband and what he feels for you.
It's about you and what you feel about yourself.
Feeling insecure and not loving ourselves usually starts long before we're grown.
For me, it was about not feeling secure as a child and growing up not liking myself.
It has taken me a long time to like myself.
And only when I started to like myself did I have any success at losing weight.
Because I finally wanted to be good to myself, because I finally realized that I deserved it.
You deserve it Amberlyn.
And the sooner you realize what a great person you are and how worthy you are of all the good things that life has to offer, the sooner you will want to eat better and move more so that you FEEL physically as good as you feel emotionally.
I know you can do it.
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