February is almost over. I can't believe it. It's gone by really fast. In addition to all those birthdays I had a Couple's Party to plan, and put together some costumes for my kids. When I stress out I usually tend to eat my way through it. This time I was grounded. I wrote down all the things that needed to be done and prioritized them. In the process avoiding a melt-down. That is a huge triumph for myself.
Aside from the stress of events, I had the stress of being a mother to a teenage son. I realize that all teens are dramatic. I just assumed that drama was reserved for only the girls. My son proved that theory to be wrong. He loves his hair. He spends hours on it every morning perfecting it. To get it to be just so, he has to have hair spray. Well, he ran out and you thought the world was going to come to an end. He refused to go to school. When I helped to make his hair look decent, but not the way he liked it, he just about started crying, NO JOKE. He just about missed the bus too. I was so pissed at him. I lost it after he stepped out the door. On top of all the other items I was dealing with, my son had to throw a huge heaving wrench at me. This is where my slip-up comes in. I made a pre-meditated choice to go the gas station get a diet coke and something chocolate! Just my luck, it's close enough to easter that cadbury mini eggs were being sold in those small individual size. ***sigh*** Music to my over burdened heart. I fed my anger, I fed my frustration, and I fed my emotion. But I made the choice, owned it and moved on! Normally something like this would spiral me down, down, down. It would be weeks before I could pull myself out of it.
Here is where fear has been removed and replaced with faith and a desire to succeed. Yes, I had a bad day. Yes, I ate soda and chocolate. But I refuse to let one bad day get in my way.
I have to admit, another feeling I was feeling after my son left the house was guilt. It was sorta my fault for not getting more hair spray. But that doesn't justify his behavior. I kept thinking, what if something happens to him and our last exchange was this one. I was going to write a note apologizing to him and letting him know how sorry I was and that I loved him. And that we would get more hairspray for him. He called me as soon as he got to school and asked to come home since he was having a bad day. I ended up picking him up after the other kids were off to school. We got some hair spray, he re-did his hair, ate some breakfast and he was back to school. I'm not sure what kind of mom that makes me? All I know is that my son was happy to go back to school, he learned a great lesson in seminary, and we are still on good speaking terms.
Another triumph that I had was last night at the couple's party. I grabbed a barbeque chicken sandwich. I put a dollop of potato salad and some other delicious fruit, jello-y salad and a lot of a green salad. I took one bite of the chicken sandwich and didn't eat the rest. I knew that the first ingredient in the sauce was high fructose corn syrup. I refuse to put that into my body. I instead grabbed for the orange and sliced cucumber I brought for myself. I also didn't get a piece of cake. Which I'm glad I didn't cuz the frosting was nasty!
There are still a lot of improvements that I can make in my life. I'm not perfect, but I'm climbing my mountain now. I've stopped being afraid and started moving forward. It feels great. It feels awesome to have my clothes start to feel a little lose. That in and of itself is motivation. I envision the person that I want to be, and I am excited because I know that I will become her by the end of the year. I am so excited that I get butterflies in my stomach. Faith and Desire are my driving force. It's a completely different feel then anger and hate. Such a better way to change your life.
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