Fancy Wedges = Bad Back

Darn those Wedges. And why do I do this to myself over and over. I want to look good, so I dawn the fashionable, but not to comfortable shoes and my back takes the beating for it. And because of my back aching and being sore from those darn wedges, I stayed in bed instead of getting up and working out. At least I started off with a healthy breakfast. Now I just have to keep going. One day at a time.

Over the weekend I was thinking about food, and how much I love it and how hard it is to get myself back to the healthy way of eating that I had 2-3 months ago. Then I realized, food will ALWAYS be there. It's not going anywhere. Unless we have some major catastrophe which is not unlikely. But if things keep going the way they are, food will always be there. So I just tell myself, be good, do right and eat healthy. The other junk will be waiting for me when I can indulge on Sundays. I can be good for 6 days. And just take it one day at a time.

I have some goals that Melissa and I set for myself to reach by September 24th. I will lose 4lbs, do 15 man push-ups, 2 nose to the ground push-ups(these are KILLER), and a plank for 75 seconds. I just hope I can do this while my back is aching.

My back, what a set back.

breakfast:
oatmeal and 1 peach with 3 tsp brown sugar
tall glass of water

lunch:
4 inch sensuous sandwich/ no mayo

snack:
Special K crackers
1 wedge of laughing cow cheese(ya, it's that good. have you laughed today?)
And 1 slice of zucchini bread(which turned into another, and yet another)

dinner:
home made veggie chili
tablespoon of sour cream
tablespoon of cheese

Things I said "No" today:
Redvines
Oreo Cookies

Things I didn't "No" today:
Zucchini Bread(obviously, at least it's all gone. NO, I didn't eat it all. My kids thankfully finished it off).
4 bites of orange sherbert ice cream.

Exercise:
Maybe 15 minutes playing Wii Fit. Love the boxing I unlocked. I'll be doing that tomorrow.


The exercise Must improve tomorrow. I have to get in more cardio and be more active. Being active isn't hard. I just have to keep asking myself "What would a 160lb woman do today?"

It's an Addict's World

The other day I was reading a book by Merilee Boyack titled "Strangling your husband is not an option." In this book she asks how many times do I buy my children treats. Lots actually. Then she asks, when was the last time you bought your husband a treat? Geez, I don't know. So with that in the back of my mind I bought two packages of Double Stuffed Oreos. They were on sale for a killer deal and they are my Husbands favorite. Well, guess who ended up eating most of them? Ya, that's right, me. Then the thought popped into my head:

A recovering alcoholic doesn't leave a six pack of beer in the fridge staring them in the face tempting them, a recovering pot-head doesn't leave a joint in the pantry, and recovering smoker doesn't leave a pack of cigs in the cupboard just waiting to see if they are strong enough to say "NO". NO, they don't. They don't leave any of those dangers in their house. Because they know they aren't strong enough to resist the temptation.

I know I am a food addict. So why do I leave junk food around the house thinking that I'm going to be strong enough to say "No" when I very well know I can't. It's more then just will power. When I do this I am just setting myself up for failure.

So the solution to my problem is to get everyone on board, including my husband, and not have any of that tempting stuff in the house. It goes right along with what I've been wanting to do all along. Teach my family good, healthy life long habits. And having sweets and treats on just one day, is good practice. I will allow myself one day. That way I'm completely taking away just being smart and disciplined about it.

The hard part for me is talking to my husband about this approach. He's never had to deal with his weight, EVER!!! He's always been thin and has always been able to eat whatever the heck he wants. So not fair. But he also doesn't have the same emotional attachment to food as I do. I'm just so affraid that he wont be willing to do this for me. But that is my insecurities come out in me. I know he will, he's said he would in the past. I just need to "man"-up and have the hard talk. It's the hard talk that is preventing me from moving forward. I will never improve and grow if I don't do hard things. Losing weight is a hard thing.

You've missed me, haven't you.

Big Sigh.

Where to begin.

Again.

I had a very rude awakening today. I have been building up to bounding back on my journey, but just dragging my feet. Telling myself that they way I am is good enough. In reality, it's not. I look at recent photos taken of me, and I shutter. Even though I've lost 23lbs, I still have so much more work to do. But the photos wasn't my awakening. My friend Melissa recently passed her Personal Trainer's test, Big HURRAY for her. This morning after our merciless upper body work-out, Melissa took my measurements and calculated my body fat, and weighed me.

Gasp....

I didn't know it was going to hurt so bad. Not physically, but emotionally. I was told that I have 41% body fat. WHAT??? Are you kidding me, I knew it was going to be bad, but not THAT bad. Tears welled in my eyes and I knew my journey wasn't finished. I also had gained 3lbs. That was better then expected. My clothes have been feeling a little snug.

The only positive that came from today was my willingness not to throw my hands up and give up on the spot. Melissa asked if I needed a hug. NO, no, no, I don't want anybody to touch me, I'm too upset for comfort.

Instead of starting on Monday, I started today. Which means I'm serious. Usually I have to start anew on a Monday. But the shock and hurt that I'm almost 50% fat, oh that's bad, was all the knowledge I needed to start NOW!!!

So, here I start again. My journey to a healthy fit life is priority again. So come along and join me. It's going to be filled with more bumps, bruises, tears, sweat, anguish, joy, and ultimately empowerment. Cause doesn't it feel good when you are in control and not the food? When you can say " No thanks".

4 little words...

This evening I was watching the movie, She's just not that into you. There was a scene in the movie where one of the dudes offers another dude a cigarette and he simply says, "No Thanks, I quit." What a wonderful phrase. Couldn't this phrase be used for just about any addiction we have in our lives. "No Thanks, I quit drinking Diet Coke." "No Thanks, I quit eating cookie dough." "No Thanks, I quit snacking." Four simple words, yet there is such strength and power in them. You don't have to explain yourself, it's already done. You aren't acting rude. And just saying those 4 little words gives you the courage to stick to what you've promised yourself you were going to do.

It's sounds good in theory, right? Now I just have to make the decision to stop drinking diet coke, stop mindless snacking, stop making cookie dough in the middle of the week and all my problems will be solved.

"No thanks, I quit."

Enough with the Vegetables

I had a very interesting conversation with my daughter Hannah the other day. She was telling me how I shouldn't be trying to lose weight anymore. I am perfect for me. I thought that was a very sweet compliment she gave me. But then we got to the root of why she doesn't want me to try to lose weight; it's because of all the new vegetables I'm making her eat. I just had to smile to myself.

I explained to her how important vegetables are to our bodies. I told her how my own mother didn't enjoy eating vegetables and didn't serve too many of them. I continued to tell her that when she gets older I hope she will be grateful that I did introduce all these "crazy new" veggies. Hannah finished up the conversation by telling me that when she moves out she's not going to eat any more vegetables. She can do what ever she wants when she moves out, and some day she'll find the light and start eating them again. I hope.

Yesterday morning I decided to push Beckham and Grace in the stroller and Jaren and Hannah came along on a bike and scooter. I decided that I needed to start running again, since I had taken a break. Towards the end of the route I was pushing myself to a specific target. Hannah was waiting for me and told me, " you don't have to run you know." I told her that I knew that but I wanted to. She just couldn't understand why I was running when I didn't have to.

Hannah doesn't understand a lot of things in her young, youthful body. But I hope that someday I can be an example to her. No I am not in perfect shape, nor do I eat perfectly. But I am striving to do and be better. And I hope that's what she learns, just to do and be your best.

Not in the Mood

In my attempt to follow a strict diet this week, I realized that I no longer want to follow something strict. I am not in any kind of mood to put myself through something like that right now. The first day my energy was gone. I longed for a diet coke and regular food. Just a slice of whole wheat bread, please.

I don't want to go back to the way I was, by any means. I just want to eat healthy. I just wish that eating healthy wasn't so ding dang expensive. This week there wasn't too many items for sale. And I guess I could have made a greater effort to search for the great deals. But again, I'm just not in the hunting mood.

Nor am I in the mood for counting calories.

I am going to keep on blogging. I don't want my journey to end. I'm not completely the person that I want to be. I just have lost drive and motivation. I need to approach my journey in a different way. I'm going to focus on portion control, and not eating sweets until the weekend, and don't eat after dinner. I know that I am strong enough to follow these guidelines.

I have been drinking more water, which is refreshing. The only irritating thing about this is that my jug of ice water becomes the community drinking fountain. My kids LOVE drinking my water!!! But it's mine. Not much is strictly your own when you are a mother.

More Desperate attempts

The past several weeks I have been feeling pretty crappy. I think I've mentioned this before. Today I decided to do something about it. Actually, I've been working up to it all weekend. I realized that as I get older my body can no longer tolerate some foods that it use to in my "younger" years. Not that I am getting "that" old, still. The bad habits that I had and continue to struggle with are once again rearing their ugly heads. Something needed to be done. So I pulled out one of my many attempts at weight loss, a book titled 6 Day Body Make Over. Yes, I actually did this for 6 days several years ago. But I hated it. It was miserable. And as I read through the nutrition of it I was quickly reminded why I hated it so much. But I need a kick in the pants, I need to prove to myself once again that I am strong enough to stick to something. Besides, I need a good cleanse. I don't feel as badly today as I have in the past few weeks. There aren't any carbs in this diet and I felt it right about 3pm, my energy was ca-put. I caved slightly and had a slice of whole wheat bread with low-cal peanut butter. I felt rejuvenated. I also need to remind myself how empowering it feels to actually control my food, and not have food control me.

I thought a lot about what has been going on in my life and what could possibly be thrusting me back into my bad habits. Well, there is something, and I thought maybe it wasn't causing a problem. But it has been stressful, and when I'm stressed I turn to food. Now that I recognize this, I will be making better choices.

I DID NOT enjoy my sauted zucchini and egg whites that I had for breakfast. I pretty much had to gag those down. But, it needs to be done. I also gagged down my chicken breast that was on the menu for lunch. I ditched the zucchini that I was suppose to have and had an apple instead. It really helps if you have on hand the items that you are going to eat. This is just an exercise in self control. To remind myself that nutrition and good health is a fight for me.

I caught a glimse of Oprah today and it was about people who were morbidly obese. Watching those people who are between 400-800lbs is heart breaking. It's a little upsetting to me when I am told that I am obese. Yes, I am overweight, but I am NOT obese. I don't care what the "specialist" say. Listening to those people talk about their addictions to food was an eye-opener. I have called myself an addict before, and I believe myself to be an addict. But nothing like what i saw on television today. I also realized that if I don't fight every day of my life for my health, I could turn out like them. Don't shake your head "no", anything is possible. But I refuse to allow that to happen. I refuse to let myself go. Hence my torturous week of eating nothing but egg whites, chicken breast, zucchini and short grain brown rice. All without salt. Which I can't do. I have to have some salt.

First day wasn't perfect, according to the 6 day Body Makeover. But as far as a regular making good choices day, it was great.