This morning I thought about my behavior last night. I was frustrated with my choice to eat junior mints, cookies, scotcharoos, and cookie dough. I remember eating them because I was honestly hungry. I wasn't bored, tired, angry with my husband or children. It was out of habit, and those foods still taste good in my mouth. The textures, the sweet, the salty, basically the sugar rush. But in the end all it really made me feel was tired, sick and useless. As I thought more about it I realized that I am still allowing fear to control my life. But what am I afraid of? As I allowed my thoughts to flow I realized that I am afraid of being fat for the rest of my life. I am afraid of never overcoming my addiction to sugar/food. That is a sad reality. My fear drives me to do the one thing that is keeping me unhealthy, sick and well, fat. How am I going to overcome this stupid fallen man appetite. I know that I am not strong enough to do this on my own. So I asked myself what can I do to help me, REALLY HELP ME? As I continued to ponder what I had success with over the last few months, the answer was in fasting. I successfully completed a 4 day green smoothy fast, and I know I can do a spiritual fast for 24 hours(or close to it). So I asked myself, what if I did a sugar fast? The power coming from a FAST. Including the Lord in my daily life. When ever I've fasted on fast Sunday and became weak and emotionally drained I'd pray. I would turn to the Lord for strength. So here I go getting all churchy on you again. Today I started a sugar fast. Whenever I had the urge to go toward cookie dough, or a cookie or junior mints(which are all still in my house), I told myself; No, I'm fasting. And you know what, it worked. I haven't had any sweets all day today. I am allowing faith in the principle of fasting to conquer this day. Yay Me!! I will give myself a pat on the back. I think we all have to find that one thing, one strategy, one idea that will help us accomplish our goals and find true success. Today, beginning a sincere sugar fast, understanding that when it gets too hard I will kneel in prayer and ask for strength that is greater then my own, has given me power. The hunger is not gone, the urge to binge has not disappeared, the battle still wages on. A battle that I have faced for most of my adult life. I hope I don't fall victim to my own demise. But I wont.
I went for a 4.23 mile run today. Holy Cow, it's true. I can't believe it myself. It took me a long time to run that distance due to my heart rate training, but it felt GREAT!! My knees didn't hurt, neither did my feet. I still felt like I could go longer. I am putting faith in this heart rate training and praying that my speed will increase and my time will decrease. It's all about the training. This training in conjunction with my nutrition(my new found desire to fast from sugar), I hope, is the equation I've been looking for for weight loss. I'm hoping the weight, if I can be consistent, will begin to fall off. Weight has NEVER fallen off of me, EVER!! How can it not? I am consciously choosing to eat vegetables, green smoothies and fresh fruit. Who has ever gotten fat off of fruit? If it comes naturally from the Earth then it was intended for us to eat it. Yes, that even means bananas! We'll see if my theory is right.
Onwards and upwards and hopefully see a few things fall by the wayside. Like a few(or a lot) of lbs.!!
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