A Rainbow of Fruit and Vegetable Flavors

Alright, so I went a little over board. I just couldn't help myself!!  I'm just so super excited about starting this green smoothie project that I bought so many fruits and vegetables.  But they sure look pretty, right?  Besides, I have six kids, I'm sure there's something on that table that is appealing to them.  Just now, as I glanced down at all those colors in my photo, I realized how beautiful that food is compared to a plate filled with greasy, artery clogging sauces and fried foods.  Not that I ate a lot of those.  But just thinking about all those things makes my stomach turn.  Boy, when did that happen? 

Tomorrow is the day.  Tomorrow I begin the journey of green smoothies, whole grains, fruits and vegetables.  I am finally in a place where changing my lifestyle seems like the right and good thing to do.  And when that feeling comes, it's an easy decision.  Not only am I doing this for me, but for my children.  I want to leave a legacy of good health for my children.  I want them to see how important it is to take care of our bodies.  To eat right and to exercise are so important for a happy healthy life. 

It's been 2 weeks since I've had any sort of candy.  And it's been 5 weeks since my last soda.  My friend asked me if I'd lost any weight since making those changes in my life.  I told her no.  I haven't stepped on the scale, but my clothes feel just the same.  But you know, I FEEL better.  I have more energy and my body naturally gets up in the morning now at 5:30am.  Sheesh.  I guess I better do something productive with that.  Even though I haven't seen a difference in my body size, I know I am making some serious changes on the inside.  Beginning this green smoothy gig is only going to perpetuate that. 

Life is good.

Life is exciting!

The Plan

Why Green Smoothies? 

Well, it's the quickest and most delicious way to get in more then the recommended servings of fruits and veggies.  Plus fruits and vegetables are phytonutrient foods.  They bring to your body the energy from the sun, plus vitamins and minerals and help to keep your cells clean and healthy.  Something I think I've been missing for a really really long time.  Once your body gets the proper nutrition it's craving, your bodies cravings begin to change.  Or so I've read.  Your desire for artificial junk seems to diminish.  Your desire and cravings for more nutritious foods goes up, and your desire to exercise goes up prolly cuz you have more energy.  Who doesn't want more energy? 

The Plan:

For the first 4 days of every month I am going to drink nothing but green smoothies.  If I get hungry between breakfast and lunch, I am going to eat a piece of fruit.  If I get hungry between lunch and dinner then I am going to snack on some kind of vegetable like carrots or sugar snap peas or celery.  After 4 days I am going to down to just 2 smoothies a day and have a big green salad for dinner, plus some kind of whole grain salad on the side.  After another 4 days I will go down to just one smoothie in the morning.  For lunch have some kind of whole grain with a lean protien, and for dinner another big salad with a whole grain salad on the side. 

My thinking behind all of this:

In every logical, healthy weight loss program they say you need to eat whole grains, fruits and vegetables.  You need to do this to maintain the weight loss as well.  In addition to that I feel like this is following the Lord's Law of Health (Word of Wisdom).  I am also hoping and praying that this plan will heal my body from the inside - out.  That I will once and for all be able to kick that cursed Edward's sweet tooth.  I am also hoping that this will help me to lose weight allowing me to feel lighter and make it easier for me to run and hike and get all my chores done during the day and still have energy at night to be with my kids and husband.

I also want this to be a catalyst for a permanent change in my lifestyle.  I can no longer be stuck where I am at.  Change takes hard work, self discipline and most important a positive attitude.  I know what hard work feels and looks like.  Self - discipline, I haven't had much of that or really know how to practice it.  But I am ready to learn how.  Positive Attitude, it depends on the situation.  In the past few years my attitude has been lacking.  I am ready to change that as well.  You are what you think. 

Most of all, I just want to find the path that will help me be a happier person.  Physically, spiritually and mentally.  I believe strongly that the plan I have set before myself will help me reach these goals as well.

The goals are:

Since I'm not going to focus on the numbers, my goal is to focus on other milestones.  At first I was going to have my goal be a smaller size pair of jeans.  Even though that is a good goal, I needed to make one that is even closer to attaining.  I have a picture of 4 pants representing 4 different goals, and each a size smaller then the last, that I would love to reach and that I am going to reach. 

The pants in front are pants that I could comfortably wear just 8 months ago but are now too snug for comfort.  They are my first goal.  The second pair of pants are not really pants put walking shorts.  I love them and a few years ago could comfortably wear them as well.  They are my second goal.  The third pair of pants are pants that I've never fit into before, but would love to.  I was using them as a gauge of my weight loss about 2 years ago.  I almost fit into them and then what I was doing got to difficult and my life kind of fell apart.  They are my third goal.  The last pair of pant, the khaki ones, are actually a pair of capris that I could fit into right before I got preggers with the twins.  This pair of pants is my ultimate and most desirable goal.  I remember what it was like to buy them, to fit into them, and how I felt when I could wear them.  And I'm not talking about an external way that I felt, I'm talking about how I felt physically.  It was awesome and I know I will get there.  My ultimate goal I hope happens before the end of this year. 

When my ultimate goal is met I have a few rewards waiting for me.  First, I have always wanted a pixy hair cut.  Love them!  I have always felt like I've been to heavy to have said hair style.  My second reward and probably the most important to me, is to be able to wear my wedding ring again.  In addition to my wedding ring I will be purchasing a second ring to go between my first and second knuckle just above my wedding ring.  I don't know why I've always wanted to do this, but I have.  I want a ring as a reminder of all the hard work that I know will take me to get to that point. 

When I've started "diets" before I was always dreading them.  Hating Monday to start because I knew it was going to be a struggle.  But not this time people.  I have never been so excited to do something for myself EVER!!  Before I was focused on me still being fat and not being able to reach my goals.  Because I was so worried and focused on those thoughts I always stayed fat, or gained my weight back.  Not this time people.  Now I see a person who is thin, has thin arms, thin legs, thin fingers and a thin face.  I see a person that loves to run and is good at it.  I see someone who loves to hike and does it often with her children.  I see someone who loves fruits and vegetables and prefers them to anything else.  I see someone who is a choice Daughter of God and is loved by Him and who finally realizes and understands what it means to take care of a sacred blessing, the body.  

Change is coming. I can feel it coming from the depth of my soul, from my core, and it's exciting. 

An Awakening

As I thought of all the wonderful things that happened this past year I realized that I was able to experience them all because of my good health.  Or healthy enough.  Towards the end of last year, as I posted here, I suffered from gallbladder problems and found myself in the hospital.  Aside from the 3 "normal" and 2 c-section births of my children, I had never once stepped foot in a hospital.  I considered myself a fairly healthy person.  Sure I have my vices and things that I struggle with on a daily basis.  I never thought that those things would ever threaten my health.  My eyes were opened wide to truth about how I was treating myself.  A few Sundays ago I began to suffer from some severe pain in my lower, right back just above my hip bone.  I found myself writhing on the bed.  I didn't want to go to the hospital again but we had no choice.  Due to my accelerated heart rate, the morphine they gave me quickly traveled my bloodstream soothing the agonizing pain.  The pain was so severe that before they could give me my i.v. I threw up.  I've NEVER thrown up cuz of pain.  To make a long story short, they diagnosed me with kidney stones.  But they found no stones when they gave me an ultrasound or a cat scan.  After about 3 hours I was discharged and sent home.  The morphine made me whoozie.  I slurred my words and maybe said some things that were inappropriate.  Like telling the ultra-sound tech that my pain hurt like a MO-FO.  He laughed so hard he had to gain composure before continuing.  The tech also informed me that I have an IUD.  NO?  Really?  I'm so glad you told me!  So that's what's been keeping me preggers free.  Phew!


I wish I could tell you that I haven't been to the hospital since.  Even though it's only been a week.  But the very next day, Monday I was back in the hospital for the same pain.  But test came back normal.  No kidney stones.  The doctor told me my situation was "perplexing" .  He told me I probably just pulled a muscle and sent me home with a prescription for a muscle relaxer.


So now what?  Well, I guess my bad habits are causing my health to fail me.  I know my case isn't as severe as others.  But it was a huge wake up call to me to really start taking better care of myself.  I was cursed with the Edward's sweet tooth.  I love me some candy.  But I must bid ado to the wretched stuff since it's only causing me pain and anguish.  I will miss it, don't get me wrong.  And I know it will be a struggle, I'm not blind to that fact either. I'm not even sure it's the cause of my suffering.  But I want to live a long healthy life filled with hiking, running, keeping up with my kids, playing and serving my grandkids, taking trips with my Husband and being able to keep up with him.   Life is to short to live it in a sluggish, numbed blur.


I am going to do something a little weird, maybe even crazy. But I want my life back.  I am ready to do anything.  So, after watching this documentary on netflix called Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead I am going to "reboot" my body by drinking only green drinks for 10 days.  Yup, you heard me right.  10 days of only drinking fruits and veggies.  By doing this I will be de-toxifying my body of all the crap that I have taken into it.  I will begin to help replenish my cells and change the palate of my tongue.  I am tired of being fat and sick.  I don't think I'm nearly dead, and I would like to avoid that.  And don't try to tell me I'm not fat.  I don't say that wicked word around my children.  But a fact is a fact.  And being fat is effecting my health and how I want to live my life. 


I know it's going to be a hard challenge.  But I am ready to challenge myself to make some serious changes.


And in all honesty, getting old sucks.  I know I'm not that old.  But old enough to feel the effects of aging.  Gray hairs which I hide now by dying my hair. Wrinkles, is there really a cure for those?  Crazy hormones that make me go crazy and want to eat my offspring.  Aching muscles & bones, I hear them crack when I get out of bed in the morning, when I shift on the couch, and they scream at me if I've sat down too long on the floor. Like I said, getting old sucks.


I am excited to document my journey.  I have high hopes and high expectations.  

It's Different

Things feel different this time.  I have a shift in paradigm, the way I think about weight loss.  This time it's about my health, not conforming to a certain number to fit in the world.  Because it's about my health I look at food differently.  It's still a slow process, but slow and steady win the race.  I look at how the food I'm going to put in my mouth is going to effect my body.  I've started asking the question, "How will this (what ever it is) make my body feel when I'm done eating it?"  Will it help me run efficiently, make me feel lighter, give me energy and strength.  To be completely honest, I have NEVER looked at food like this before.  I want so badly to be a healthy, light, fit person that my relationship with food is beginning to change.  Thank the Heaven's for this little miracle.  The pull from candy, cookies and crap is still strong.  But not as strong as it use to be.  I am prolly eating a 1/3 of what I use to eat.  There is still a lot of room for improvement.  But I can feel the change is coming deep within the core of my soul. 
I've experienced a few other tender mercies over the past few weeks.  Heavenly Father is helping me to be more aware of the changes that are going on.  I mentioned one of them in my last post about turning to food for comfort.  Another one was the feeling of energy and not sluggishness.  I have been waiting to feel that surge.  When I've been working out hard I've been getting sick afterwards.  Melissa tells me it's because I was so toxic.  So toxic in fact that my body couldn't get rid of it so I became sick.  That is the feeling that I was trying to get away from.  And I finally did.  I missed that feeling of a good work out and the tingling that accompanies the blood coursing through my veins.  It's an awesome feeling. 
I am grateful for the hunger that I feel throughout the day.  That means that I am not numbing myself to the world around me.  I am allowing myself to feel my emotions.  Sometimes they are difficult emotions to work through.  But it's the only way to become emotionally stable.  It's so great not to be numb all the time, to feel heavy and burdened. 
Yesterday I was about to have a Diet Coke.  But my brother-in-law stopped me.  He dumped it out and got me some Lemonade instead.  What a great guy to want to support me in my goal.  So I have been "clean" for 3 weeks now!  And it feels GREAT!!!! 

Hitting Rock Bottom

I am SO, let me repeat SO grateful for the year that I had.  I learned so much about my Savior, His Atonement, about the sanctity of the body and what a beautiful gift it is, and most of all how important my health really is to me.  In the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving I felt myself hit a low again.  I think we call that Rock Bottom.  I didn't think I could get any lower then that until Thanksgiving actually came.  My sister in law has lost a lot of weight which is fantastic for her.  Especially since she's battled her weight pretty much her whole life.  But as they would make comments to her about her success I could feel side glances my way and they would quickly stop talking.  I know they were wondering what in the hell happened to her?  I had gained all my weight back when I lost it just a year ago.  The situation was very uncomfortable and I just felt like boulders were being dropped on top of me.  It was not a fun experience to have to go through.  I was angry with myself for allowing me to gain my weight back.  I as ashamed and disgusted.  But you know what, I wouldn't have learned what I learned if I didn't allow myself that process.
While working out with Melissa one day I just unloaded to her.  The tears flowed and realized that I am tired of being sick all the time.  I am tired of being tired all the time.  It wasn't that long ago when I was a strong fit person.  I allowed that to be taken away from me of my own free will and choice.  Again, it was for a good cause.  I wouldn't be as close to my Savior or my Heavenly Father if it wasn't for the past year.  But I am not happy with state of my health right now.  I had to come to terms with the fact that it is okay to want to lose weight.  But I'm not losing weight this time to reach a certain number, on the scale or in my jeans.  I want to lose weight because I want to be healthy.  I am tired of being heavy, and held back by my weight.  There are some things that are going to have to change for me to be a permanent success.  And that means facing my demons, i.e. candy. 

Yesterday my husband said something to me after I approached him with a question.  His response hurt.  I left the room and began helping one of my daughters with her room.  I had this sudden urge to go downstairs and put some leftover candy in my mouth.  I realized right then and there that I wanted to be comforted.  I knew I couldn't turn to my husband.  But I immediately recognized the destructive behavior that has been sabotaging me for the past 20+ years.  Instead of find comfort in food, I knelt down and begged for help.  I prayed and read my scriptures until the urge was gone.  And the thing is, Brent had no idea that what he did hurt me.  I have a tendency to take things personally.  I let it go, and moved on.  This is the key to my success.  Not turning to food for comfort but to my Savior and Heavenly Father.  Satan is the one that wants me to continue to dull my feelings and emotions.  I need to allow myself to really feel them, face them and figure out what to do with them. 

Not only do I want to be healthy physically, and spiritually, but emotionally as well.  I have to find balance in all three of those areas and I know I will become the person that I just waiting to jump out. 

In the Friend there was a great little article about setting goals.  This quote from Elder M Russell Ballard was so powerful to me:

When you set a goal and commit yourself to the necessary self-discipline to reach that goal, you will eliminate most of the problems in your life.  Spend your energies doing those things that will make a difference.  We have to have FAITH.  We have to hae faith in God.  We have to have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.  (this is the part that i loved the most) And oh, how desperately we have to have faith in ourselves.  

Faith in myself is what I've lacked over the years.  I know I am strong enough to reach my goals of becoming physically healthy, spiritually strong, and emotionally stable.  All things are possible through Jesus Christ. 

oh and p.s.
I've been diet coke free for 2weeks and 4days!!! 

You can do this, or you can do that

I'm choosing to sit down and write while the pangs of hunger rumble in my tummy.  And really, they aren't the pangs of hunger, it's muscle, nerve, habit, memory that I am trying to change right now.  Instead of being in the kitchen, I am choosing to be here writing about how hard it is to change years and years and years of bad habiting.  Am I hungry?  Maybe a little.  I think it's good to feel a little hunger.  That means you are becoming aware of your body.  My senses are heightened and not dulled. 

I started counting calories again this past Monday.  1500 calories is 1500 calories no matter how you count them or where you get them from.  I was having success doing this in the beginning of the summer so I thought I'd give it another go.  I still struggle with my sweet tooth.  I really wish I had a veggie tooth instead.  I really want to eat the vegetables, they just take so darn long to prepare.  No wonder people are fat.  It's easier to grab for a bag of chips then it is a bag of broccoli.  I was going to say carrots but that wouldn't have been a good comparison cuz grabbing a bag of those is just as easy as a bag of chips.  Just as long as the bag is baby carrots and not like the ones I have which needs to be peeled and cut.  But what ev.

And why is it that it's so much easier to gain weight then it is to lose weight?  That just seems so unfair.  And what's even more unfair is when people notice when you gain weight and your like the big white elephant in the room that no one can talk about.  Ya, that really sucks.  And even more then it sucks, it hurts. 

This was a huge motivation for me to start losing weight.  Even though I don't like to focus on the weight.  I realized at some point I have to face it.  I have to do something about it.  I have to look at the elephant in the eye and tell him to get the hell out.  I have to hard things.  I need to understand that I CAN do hard things.  My "hard thing" is to overcome my stupid dysfunctional relationship with food.  I finally need to take what I've learned this past year and actually start using that knowledge.  Have the faith to know that it will help me to heal, to move forward, and change forever. 

I CAN DO HARD THINGS!!!