It's Different

Things feel different this time.  I have a shift in paradigm, the way I think about weight loss.  This time it's about my health, not conforming to a certain number to fit in the world.  Because it's about my health I look at food differently.  It's still a slow process, but slow and steady win the race.  I look at how the food I'm going to put in my mouth is going to effect my body.  I've started asking the question, "How will this (what ever it is) make my body feel when I'm done eating it?"  Will it help me run efficiently, make me feel lighter, give me energy and strength.  To be completely honest, I have NEVER looked at food like this before.  I want so badly to be a healthy, light, fit person that my relationship with food is beginning to change.  Thank the Heaven's for this little miracle.  The pull from candy, cookies and crap is still strong.  But not as strong as it use to be.  I am prolly eating a 1/3 of what I use to eat.  There is still a lot of room for improvement.  But I can feel the change is coming deep within the core of my soul. 
I've experienced a few other tender mercies over the past few weeks.  Heavenly Father is helping me to be more aware of the changes that are going on.  I mentioned one of them in my last post about turning to food for comfort.  Another one was the feeling of energy and not sluggishness.  I have been waiting to feel that surge.  When I've been working out hard I've been getting sick afterwards.  Melissa tells me it's because I was so toxic.  So toxic in fact that my body couldn't get rid of it so I became sick.  That is the feeling that I was trying to get away from.  And I finally did.  I missed that feeling of a good work out and the tingling that accompanies the blood coursing through my veins.  It's an awesome feeling. 
I am grateful for the hunger that I feel throughout the day.  That means that I am not numbing myself to the world around me.  I am allowing myself to feel my emotions.  Sometimes they are difficult emotions to work through.  But it's the only way to become emotionally stable.  It's so great not to be numb all the time, to feel heavy and burdened. 
Yesterday I was about to have a Diet Coke.  But my brother-in-law stopped me.  He dumped it out and got me some Lemonade instead.  What a great guy to want to support me in my goal.  So I have been "clean" for 3 weeks now!  And it feels GREAT!!!!