Yesterday was my first day at Education Week! Can I get a Whoop Whoop!!! I love everything about Ed. Week. Last year was a life changing experience for me and this year is on track for the same. The last class I went to was taught by Scott L. Anderson. He is an amazing speaker who instantly brings the spirit to the room.
He taught about a pattern that is found in the book of Mormon. He basically teaches that our beliefs directly effect our feelings. He spoke of Alma the younger and how he was unconscious and that was the only way the Lord could get him to change his beliefs. When he did, his feelings were changed instantly. He no longer faught against the church or hated his Father. He loved the gospel and wanted to teach others about it.
I wish I could go unconscious for 3 days to change my beliefs about myself. Just this morning I thought about how uncomfortable I was sitting in those classed because my gut has gotten so big that my pants are too tight and I feel like a stuffed sausage. Right now I believe that I am a fat and unattractive person. What are my feelings due to that belief? I really really really dislike myself(I'm trying not to use the word Hate here. Hate is such a strong word but sometimes that how I feel about myself. Hatred). Then I was reading a post by my sister and my beliefs about me as a mother came out; I fall short in so many areas. I am mediocre at best and my children deserve better.
I know this is kind of a downer. I am so sorry. One of my goals in life is to become a happy positive person. That is what I want to believe about myself. At that point I think I would have true love for myself. And it's at that precise moment when I would stop abusing food to numb myself from my beliefs about me. I want to believe that I am beautiful, a good mother a choice daughter of God who has divine nature. But how do you change years and years and years and years of false beliefs?
Would someone just come over and knock me out with a 2x4. And in 3 days wake me up and I'll be a new person. If it were only that easy!
4 comments:
Oh, Amberlyn! This so speaks to me.
There is nothing about you to hate or dislike. I don't think you even dislike yourself. I think you are dissatisfied with your weight and that is different from completely disliking yourself. You are a good mom and you are giving your children a grounded, good life. I never have family home evening and I don't read the scriptures with my kids and I can't even get them to fold their arms for prayer. You do all of this with ease. Love you.
I think you are so pretty, Amberlyn! Gorgeous hair, fabulous style and you always look cute! Give yourself credit! Although I can totally relate, too.It's a constant battle. There are so many negatives out there. I'm doing my best to get rid of the negatives in my life and focus on all the good. I keep telling myself it could always be worse, but it can be sooo much better, too.
Amberlyn...you are so beautiful. It makes me sad to hear you say these things. You ARE a beautiful daughter of our Heavenly Father and He DOES love you. You are an amazing person and I look up to you so much.
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