Over the summer I've had a lot of time to think about my addiction to food and what that truly means to me. I received a lot of inspriation and answers to prayers. I realized that it's more then just self discipline when it comes to saying no to food. Every day when I wake up with a desire to change and be good I ALWAYS end up giving into the temptation. I knew there was something to overcome, a triggor that I needed to resolve. And one day while having a great conversation it dawned on me exactly what it was.
When the temptation comes, I have this internal battle with myself. I dont' want to eat it, but I do. Then this overwhelming sense of loss, of missing out consumes my mind and I can't take it any more and I eat. That's what I have to overcome. A feeling of losing a friend, of missing out on something fantastic. But really my friend is disfunctional and I only feel like a fantastic failure. It's so hard to describe through words how powerful these emotions are. I do know they are real and they have to be overcome if I am going to be successful in permanently changing my life.
Understanding this hurdle I have to jump makes it easier to move forward. I now know what it is that I have to pray for. I know what emotions I have to overcome. I also know that it's going to take every fiber in my being to take control and say no. I wont be missing out on ANYTHING.
It's such a silly comparison. But it's a lot like a bad teenage friend. The bad friend is the only one that you feel is accepting of you, doesn't judge you, and makes you feel(what you think) is good. But you know deep down that friend just drags you down, makes you feel worse and the ties have to be cut. Those are the ones that are the hardest to break up. Due to the emotional attachement. Everyone around you knows you would be so much happier and healthier without that friendship. It's hard to let go of something that you think is good for you.
Does that make sense?
Junk Food is my disfunctional friend. I have to cut ties with it. Even though I think it makes me feel good and fills a void and I will be missing out on something amazing, the exact opposite is true. It makes me feel like crap, and only fills the void while I am eating it. So why do I do it when I recognize the bad? Because of the emotions attached to the food. It's a bitch and I hate it.
At least I know what I need help with. Now I can begin to move forward.
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