There are many things that I've been thinking about this past week. First and foremost I've improved upon my eating. I didn't "cheat" as much this week. I knew that I needed to eat better if all the exercise I was doing was going to have a chance to work. It's still difficult to not reach for something sweet after lunch and dinner. Instead of snacking on Special K bars, I use those as my "dessert". I'm also finding that my appetite has increased since I'm exercising so much. So it's even more vital that I have a well stocked pantry and reach for fruits and veggies.
I didn't drink 1 diet coke this week!!! Not ONE!!! Amazing. And the most astonishing realization is that I really don't miss it or have any kind of attachment to it. What a relief. I still miss the fizz of soda and so I indulged in a Fresca yesterday with lunch. It was refreshing and hit the spot. After my glass was gone, I reached for my water. I have been trying to drink more water this week as well. I know it helps in at least two ways. First, it keeps my hydrated, especially my muscles that I'm trying to strengthen and grow. And second, it helps keep hunger at bay. I think in the past I've confused thirst with hunger. To try and combat that, I keep a big glass of ice water on the counter ready for me at all times. It seems to be a strategy that is working well.
This past week there is one word that stuck out in my mind. Uncomfortable. I heard it first from Melissa. She commented that if I get uncomfortable during the day with my hunger, that it's a good thing. My body is burning fat and my stomach is decreasing. I'm not starving by any means. I think it's good to feel those hunger pains. Which in the past I've forgotten what those are like. Now I welcome them. They make me feel more alive and aware of my body. It's great. I heard if for a second time in my spin class. The instructor told us to run faster then what was comfortable. I heard it again in my turbo-kick class. I realized once again that one of the major ways we can change our lives, and our bodies is to get out of our comfort zones. Weither that is physically, mentally, sprititually or socially. Great changes happen when are utterly and completely uncomfortable. I have been uncomfortable all week. Especially in the exercise, physical aspect. I do need to feel more uncomfortable during the day and welcome my hunger pains.
Food has always been a major battle for me. A comforting feeling came over me as I continued on this journey. I found relief from junk food. I felt my body give itself a big sigh, and was almost thanking me for eating well. This doesn't mean that I don't struggle with major sugar urges. I still have a lot of emotional attachment to food, and a lot of bad habits that I have to break. Just simply recognizing that my body welcomed the change, is encouraging.
Deep down I'm tired of treating myself like crap. Feeding my body crap. Saying crappy things to myself. My body was created in the image of a loving God, who loves me and wants me to be happy. Well, I want to be happy too. I refuse to treat myself like this any longer. I deserve better. And if only for the simple fact that I am a daughter of God.
As I go along this journey of weight loss. I'm trying to gage my success by other variable besides the scale. One way, as you found last week, is my friday pants. Which I have yet to put on. The other gage is going to be by my gut. I loathe my gut. I've tried to look at it positively. No matter how many times I tell myelf it reminds me of the miracle of 6 children, it's just not working anymore. I had seeing it stick out when I stand sideways. I hate how it rolls over my legs when I sit down on the toilet and can grab at it on either side. DISGUSTING!!! When I roll over in bed it sags to the side and I can grab at it there to. Every morning as I roll out of bed, I pause when I come to my side and grab that sag. One day that sag will start to go down and there will be less to grab. That is my dream. To one day no longer have a sagging gut. It is by far the most discouraging feature on my body. All my hard work is to get rid of that. And a few other "problem" features on my body as well. I'll be honest, there's a lot.
I have to remind myself that this is just the second week and all articles I've been reading online tell me that it will take me anywhere from 17-19 weeks to lose this weight. Which can be a long time but really, it's not. I just need to keep my chin up, my calories down, and my exercise intense.
2 comments:
I have to laugh when you talk about sitting on the toilet and grabbing your gut only because my mom and I feel the same way! My mom calls it her apron and that is exactly what it feels like I have on!
I hear ya' sista! The glory of "twin skin" doesn't help either.
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