I thought a lot about this topic over the holiday season. There was a lot of drama that went on. I found myself eating to once again comfort myself. I also found myself wondering the main floor and converging into the pantry and just eating for the sake of eating. I ate because I was bored. I eat when I'm angry, I eat when I'm frustrated, I eat when I'm sad and lonely. For far too long food has been my comfort, my crutch.
I didn't achieve my whole goal last year. But the amazing thing about last year is I never stopped thinking about my end goal. I might have lost my will several times. But I never lost my way. I've always had a way. I know how to eat, what to eat and when to eat. It's having the confidence in myself to know that it will work. Hello, I lost 20lbs.
I'm still in the fight for my life. Losing this last 20lbs is not an option, it's a must. I must do everything in my power for the next 4 months to lose this weight. I'm giving myself a deadline. 20lbs in 4months is so doable is laughable. That's just barely over 1lb a week. Enough procrastination, enough justification, enough emotional eating and tearing myself down for my imperfections.
I'm so mad at myself for giving up last year. What was I thinking? I was thinking it was too hard. But if I'd just do it I wouldn't have to put myself through is any longer.
Today I went to the gym at 5am. I walked on the treadmill for 25 minutes and went to a spinning class for 45 minutes. To supplement my my nutrition retardidness I'm going to workout 2-3 hours a day. Crazy and insane I know. But this is SERIOUS!!! After I lose this 20lbs I just have to maintain. I've maintained this weight for 6 months. Maintaining is the easy part, losing is not.
But this is the year I finish the job. It has to be. I'm done having my life being a burden on myself.
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