Yesterday I worked out my lower body with Melissa. Due to my determination to lose weight and inches I grabed for a heavy weight. Oh the agony. I was so sore this morning. I could feel it coming on last night. Of course I had to go to the Spin Natzi for spinning class this morning. I didn't think I would make it through just the warm up. Spin class is hard enough for me, let alone when my legs are super sore and exhausted. Half way through class I wanted to get off the bike and leave. But alas, I didn't. No matter how exhausted I was, I knew I was changing my body. And the only way I am going to change my body is to push through pain and discomfort. During the work out I did want to cry, to vomit and to give up. But my will to lose weight was stronger then my pain. Did I put forth my best effort today, maybe not. But just the fact that I stuck with that stinking class was enough for me today.
As a result I have been overly tired today. To the point of tears. I'm quick to anger, and I just feel cranky. On top of it all I can't stop obessing about my gut. My bulging bulbous belly. It is the reason I am working so hard and at the same time it is also discouraging to me. I look in the mirror in the mornings and think that it will never go down in inches. What I need is a miracle for that to happen. I've been struggling with my weight ever since I've lived in Spanish Fork. I stood on many precipices last year, but this is the biggest one by far. And I'm scared. I still don't know why. But I am. Maybe it's of failing again.
I'm no longer satisfied with the body that I have. This is the reason for my insane work-out schedule. I look at all the girls at the gym who are there at the same time as me and for the same amount of time and they're all skinny minnies. When will my time come to be a skinny minnie? Yes, it's only 2.5 weeks and I need to give it at least 2 months to see some change. But gosh darn it I'm getting impatient. I have 15 freaking more weeks of this hell and I'd better start seeing some results soon or I'm going to ask people to start putting me out of my misery.
Where's that genie in a bottle? I just want one wish granted, and that's to be 155lbs, no less. Is that too hard to ask? Or maybe I'd ask for a freakishly fast metabolism, that way I could eat what ever the heck I wanted and just worry about the work out portion. Ya, that's the ticket.
I'm just tired. I need to go to be super early tonight.
1 comment:
How are you feeling after some sleep? I can relate to alot of your feelings. Sometimes it takes me a few days to talk myself down from the cliff of those feelings. When they are that big, they just crowd everything else out. I hope today is a better day and your legs aren't too sore to get yourself off the toilet!
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