Day Four: It was just too much

I hate to have to post about my short comings and weaknesses.  But I feel it's a part of the process.  The hunger was just toooooo much for me.  My brain was hurting, my nerves were on edge, I was weak and just couldn't think straight.  With all that going on, and still having to be at home taking care of a family of 8, I caved.  I caved hard.  I had to make bread for sandwiches.  I just couldn't resist eating the butt of the bread with some butter.  It tasted sooooooo goooood!  I just had to have another.  That seemed to help, a lot.  But then I was making dinner,  and I was making mexican, which is my favorite type of food, another mistake.  I  had a corn tortilla with fat free refried beans and lime rice.  Ugh.  Usually on Fridays I make pizza.  Not this Friday.  I'm going to make gag a mag hot dogs.  Those are easy to say no to. 

As I agonized over my decision to eat that food, it took everything in me to not beat myself up over it.  I had to quickly throw away visions of me slipping back into my old bad habits.  I also need to remember to be gentle with myself.  I think for the most part, I'm doing a good job.  So I wasn't perfect.  At least it wasn't a bag of candy or a bag of chips.  It was all good, healthy, whole grain food that I ate.  I also had a greater desire to keep exercising self discipline.  I would be kidding myself if I thought this journey was going to be easy with no mistakes what so ever.  I need to remember to allow for set backs.  But not to allow those set backs to keep me from moving forward.   

This morning I worked out hard with my friend Melissa.  I don't know how I did it, but I did.  I also knew that I wouldn't make it through the day unless I had some kind of complex carb.  So hence I had another slice of whole wheat bread.  I know that lifting weights burns right through your energy.  I have no guilt.  And that feels good. 

I also need to start thinking about what my strategy is going to be for the rest of the month.  I thought I was going to do 2 times a day green smoothies, and then a balanced dinner.  But I'm done drinking smoothies for now. Except, I will still drink them for breakfast.  I am going to concentrate on eating just whole grain foods.  Nothing white or processed.  That means, short grain brown rice, whole wheat pasta, whole wheat bread.  I am also going to try and incorporate more legumes into my diet as well, like lentils.  I need to do a little more research on legumes.  I am also going to try and incorporate more nuts like almonds, pecans and cashews.  Yum.  I was thinking about how much I love sandwiches.  But I need to start thinking of healthier alternatives.  Instead of mayo on my chicken salad, how about a yummy vinaigrette?  And to add some creaminess, why not use a hummus as the spread.  Ideas are starting to flood my brain.