My feelings exactly

While watching the Biggest Loser this evening I feel just like Kristen. If I said out loud or confess that I want to be 150lbs and not just 160lbs, as my ultimate goal, that the rug will be pulled from under my feet and I will completely and utterly fail. I have a fear complex right now, can you tell? And sometimes, like Kristen, I don't feel as if I deserve to be 150lbs. But where does that mentality come from? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say it's my years and years of low self-esteem, and self- worth. I do deserve to be the person that I want to be. And it's not just about the weight. It's about the whole lifestyle change. I know that weight a certain weight will change my life forever. Because I will forever be lighter on my feet. I will forever have more energy. I will forever know that I worked my shelf butt off to get to that weight.

I have had another great eating day. The only thing that I regret was eating a fiber one bar. I think there could have been far worse choices. Yes, there could have been better ones. But I needed something for energy. An apple just wasn't going to cut it.

And thanks to some very flattering comments from my Aunt Gaye, I have found some glimmer of hope. I hadn't seen her in several weeks and stopped by her office to say hello. The first thing she told me was how thin my face was getting, and "look at you!! you look great!!" So thank you so much Aunt Gaye. Your words have given me the momentum that I have been searching for. That my two weeks of yuckiness hasn't effected me too much.

I know that it's going to be more hard work. But I am ready for it. Now I just need to get back into the exercise gig. I am going to have to force myself to jog with Grace in the stroller. Not too excited about that, but what else am I going to do? I have to get jogging again. I HAVE to!!!

breakfast:
chocolate protein shake with 1 tbl peanut butter and 1/2 banana
can you say delicious?

snack:
cottage cheese
manderine oranges

lunch:
amazing shredded beef
salad
1 apple with 1 tbl peanut butter

snack:
fiber one bar

dinner:
more shredded beef
another salad
and 1/2 apple