Now I know how long my commit is going to be, what am I committing to do?
There are certain behaviors and habits that have contributed to my weight gain, depression, and self loathing. My emotional eating is a big one. I am mostly drawn to sugary, salty sweet foods. Now that I am more emotionally stable, I find I do it out of sheer habit. Cutting sugar way down is something I am committing myself to doing, for ONE WHOLE YEAR! Sugar literally makes me crazy, cranky, and turn into Monster Mom. This past week I just let lose on the candy. I am feeling the consequence of that deliberate choice I made. I'm sluggish, down on myself, and don't have much motivation for anything. I know it's the sugar.
I probably was born with the most difficult genes on the planet. I look at my Mom who works out every day at Cross-fit, and has for over 3 years. Eats healthy, and yet is a size 16/18. Bread is Satan. It sticks to us like gorilla glue and doesn't want to go anywhere. Bread, cutting way back, is another commitment I am making. This one is going to be even harder then the sugar. I can pass by pasta, rice, and potatoes without batting an eye. But set a warm loaf of french, sour, or artisan bread in front of me and it's all over but the crying. Really, it's that bad. MMMMMmmmmm, I love me some good White Bread. I keep having to tell myself that simple phrase, "The Whiter the Bread, the Quicker your Dead." White bread is just another form of sugar. My body doesn't know the difference. My gut loves to store it there. We wont talk about that right now, that's for an entirely different post.
Soda, Pop, Caffeine, feel the burn as it goes down my throat. I love it, diet coke, coke zero, wild cherry diet pepsi. I love it, I love it, I love it. Last year I went for 3 months without drinking any soda. Even though I know I was doing it for my health, it was even harder to let go of than the candy. Seriously, I love it that much. When I stopped thinking about the candy, I COULD NOT stop think about the soda. So slowly, regrettably, it made it's way back into my life. There are times when I make a special trip to the gas station so I could get a 44oz. And yes, peeps, it would be gone in just a few hours. Just recently I was buying a 2 liter, one for me and one for the hubs. While his would last him all weekend long, mine would only last me through half a day. Yes, I think I have a problem. And it really is contributing to a decline in my health. Gal-bladder, kidney's, and a general swollen look. Why do I keep drinking it? Cuz it's an addiction. And it's something I'm committing to myself to cut out for a WHOLE YEAR. The hubs told me forever. But that's taking it a little too far. I think the occasional drink while out to lunch with my friends is acceptable. Let's not get too crazy. In all reality, I know cutting this out of my daily routine will only reap healthy benefits.
Now that I've talked about the what's I'm NOT going to do. I would like to focus on what I'm GOING to do.
First and foremost I need to be making some sacrifices to make my changes permanent. Before, when my kids were really little I could get up early in the morning and work-out before they were up. It was sooo nice to get that out of the way. How it prepared me to face the day. I felt accomplished and strong. That is just not possible these days. When my oldest leaves at 6:45am, I just can't bring myself to get up much earlier then 5:45am. I am helping him get breakfast, making my husband's lunch and then helping my daughter have a good start to her day. As I was thinking about sacrifice, I can get up at 5:45am and start my day in the scriptures. Putting God first. I've several times that if we put God first, all other priorities fall into place. At 5:45am the house is super quiet even though it's full. I want to put God first, and my scripture study. I need to have my spirit strengthened. I need to let God know that I need his help. I am too weak of a person to be able to accomplish my commitment on my own. So I'm sacrificing my sleep, to put God first.
Second, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays my youngest child is at pre-school. I have two hours to do what ever the cus I want. Lately I've just been cleaning the house while she's been gone. Having a house of order has been really important to me. But now I realize, and Melissa helped me to realize this as well as my husband, that I can give that 2 hours to myself. I can dedicate 1 hour to working out and getting ready for the day. What a blessing. This is what I have been waiting for, for a very long time. I am committing to nurture myself. To exercise my physical being, after exercising my spiritual being. This is something I'm not just going to commit to for a year, this is something I want to commit to for the rest of my life. I want to be able to take my grand-kids on hikes, walks. Take them for a swim or a bike ride. I want to be active from this day forward. Having a house of order can come later on in the day. There are enough hours for me to do that before the other children get home. Besides, exercise helps me emotionally and mentally too.
Thirdly, Bring on the GREEN SMOOTHIES. I did green smoothies for an entire month last March and was amazed at what was happening to my body. Why did I ever stop? Who knows. I'm tired of starting and stopping good habits. This is one I want to commit to for a year, and after that I probably wont be able to live without them. I know they are great for sucking out toxins in our bodies. Luckily I dont' have as many toxins in my body this year as I did last year. I am heavier right now than I was last year. But I know that green smoothies can help with this too. I don't want to eat breakfast before I work out. My goal is to work-out, and then drink a delicious refreshing green smoothy. And thank heavens is citrus season. MMMMmmmm, citrus.
Lastly, I'm throwing out the scale. Around December 17th, 2012 I had a break down. I was a hot mess. I was putting so much pressure on myself to lose a certain number before Brent and I go to Disneyland. I was doing GREAT!!! I mean, I was on a hot hot roll. But the number on the scale was not going down, by any stretch of sanity. So I lost mine. I figured what's the use if all this hard work can't even amount toward 1lb lost. Then I realized that I'm not doing this to watch the number go down. I'm doing this because I want a better quality of life. I want to be healthier. I want to live longer. So I'm just going to do my thang and not get on the scale. I'll know I'm having success when my clothes start falling off my shrinking butt. And it will shrink. I'm just now sure how long it will take for it to shrink. But I'm confident with the changes I'm making and my level of commitment, it will shrink. I'm hoping, praying that my ass isn't the only that will be shrinking.
What commitments are you making for the year of 2013?
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