My eating was so so over the weekend. I always tend to be free with myself. Saturday was Hannah's birthday and we went to the Smokehouse and I had pizza and a salad. Sunday I ended up eating two small bowls of ice cream.
I find that when I am really angry with my children I tend to run to the kitchen to comfort myself. I need comforting from being a bad mom, from feeling out of control, and feeling down right disappointed. What more can I do to help me past these giant hurtles? I think I've gone to food for such a long time I don't know what else to do to fill that void.
In the past when I have hit this straight on I've tried praying or turn to writing. Maybe this is something I need to turn to again. This mortal life always feels so complicated. Struggling to find the balance between EVERYTHING. From being a good mother, cleaning my home, fulfilling my other duties in the church, being a good wife, neighbor, daughter, sister, friend. There is so much that bombards me everyday of my life. For instance, this week I thought was going to be slow since baseball is all over with. But no. I have to finish projects for the Stake Camp Director that I volunteered to do because I didn't feel as if I was doing enough. Now is the time that the other 150 muffins need to be cooked, I have enrichment, and a ward pool party to go to. And each of those events I have to make dessert. Plus I volunteered to make tamales for Sunday dinner. What am I thinking? I would rather be worrying about what book I am gong to read with my kids. Or what coloring project to do. But if I add those things I will for sure go berserk.
Life move forward. Right now I barely feel as if I am keeping up. I keep thinking things will slow down. But they wont. I am at a time in my life where things are just going to keep speeding up. I have to be at my best to keep up. Caring this extra weight around is not helping me. My back hurts every single day.
So what are my goals going to be for this week?
1. Drink just water
2. Eat a fruit and or veggie with EVERY meal.
3. No ice cream
4 Exercise at least 5 times.
5. Be positive
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