When I don't write, I'm struggling. I have struggled the last few weeks and I'm too embarassed to admit it. Trying to change years and years of bad habits is hard. Plain and Simple. I've also realized that I have to stop blaming others for my addiction to food. A food addiction is what I have. Plain and simple. I have been fostering a wonderful relationship with my kids. I look at them now as blessings and not burdens. I have a wonderful husband, who still drives me crazy at times. But I know he loves me. I have to stop blaming my horrible eating habits on others and start taking responsibility for my own actions.
Hi, my name is Amberlyn and I am an addict. I am addicted to food. And not just one type of food. All foods. Salty foods. Sweet foods. Ice cream. Chocolate. Cookies. Chips. Diet Coke. Bad for you carbs. I love it all. Every morning I am resloved to do better. Because every night I am dissappointed that I let food control me. When I eat like that I quickly run out of energy. I become sluggish and tired and cranky. Even though I recognize this I just can't stop eating.
I am a mortal person living a very mortal life. I have no control over my apetite and I am tormented by this simple truth. There has to be something that can help. With the help of a few Relief Society lessons, one that I taught, and one that I listened to I realized that there is hope for me. And that hope comes through the atonement of Jesus Christ. Yes, this might be a little to heavy for some of you. But this was my conclusion. I truly feel as though I have an addiction. It pulls me down in every facet of my life. Spiritually, physically and emotionally. But I do know that the atonement can help me through this rough patch. The struggle I face, is how to use it for this purpose. I am hurting and unhappy. I know that we can be made whole and find true happiness through the atonement. So now I am reading all I can about my Savior and his atonement.
I have struggled long enough trying to beat this addiction on my own. Trying to be perfect on my own. I don't have the power to do that. I am to weak in spirit and mind. The good news is, I don't have to do this all on my own any longer. That brings me great comfort.
I also decided that I just need to start being happy. If I think it long enough then I will start believing it. So far, it's working. I find that I am laughing more with my children and my husband. The world seems just a bit more colorful.
2 comments:
so cool that you're doing this. Good luck :)
I applaud your honesty and I pray for you. I know you can do this, especially with HIS help.
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