Broken

Last night as I was doing some thinking(which we as women do A LOT), I realized that I no longer eat a ton at night. I eat my dinner and that's pretty much the end of my day. The only exception to this is the weekend when maybe I'll have a small bowl of ice cream with Brent while watching a movie Saturday night, or dessert after dinner on Sundays. Other then that, I have broken one of the worst habits that I have developed over the years. This is big. Taking baby steps and consciously making an effort has turned my bad habit around. It is an incredible feeling when you realize something you've worked so hard for has finally come to fruition.

Yesterday I also kept my body moving. First with my run in the morning, then pulling weeds in the afternoon, going on a hike with the family in the early evening, and a long fast walk in the evening.

I tried to stay as active today as I did yesterday. I worked out with Melissa for an hour. I must have worked hard because once I almost fainted, and towards the end I almost threw up. A sign that you are working hard. I took the kids to the reservoir and instead of just sitting in my chair I got out and waded in the water and sat on the edge. Not a lot of movement but at least I was more involved then a slug on a chair. No offense to those that sit on their chairs. I had every intention to go work out again but my bed was calling my name. So I went to bed instead.

Consistency

After such a long week I didn't feel like getting up this morning. My husband's alarm went off too early, Grace started calling for "mom" to early, and 9am came around too early. I almost bagged my run due to the nagging desire to sit around and do nothing at all. But that's not what a 160lb woman would do. And that's not what I did. I know that for me to be successful right not I have to be consistent with my exercise and my eating. There's no if's, and's or big but's about it.

There is a pan of left over brownies sitting on the stove, beckoning me to come and eat them. I did have a small small square after lunch. But the smart thing to do right now would be to throw those suckers away. If I don't need them, then no one needs them. We can curb our sweet tooth with pineapple and cantaloupe.

The other day I went on a walk with my friend Lisa. It was great to exercise again in the evenings. That is just what I need. Lisa wants to go consistently so there is my excuse to get my butt in gear twice a day. I need more cardio and walking will be perfect. Not only that, but extending my support system and talking with other people is so good for my psyche.

This evening I finally, corroborating with Jaren, convinced Brent to take the kids out for a short hike up Diamond Fork Canyon. It was great. It was active and something that I want to continue to do with my kids.

Long Run

I was up this morning before the rest of the neighborhood was. I battled the wind and went for a long run. How long it was, I'll have to track it. Maybe 5 miles, we'll see. I had new music uploaded to my ipod and off I went. It felt great. I did the walk/run strategy and I really think that is going to work for me. I think I walked like 4 times for 30 seconds or so and was off again running. I really tried to push myself faster when a new song came on. I have just one week before my next race. I can't believe next week is July. Holy Cow!!

Yesterday was not a good day eating. But I kept it to a minimum. Except while I was waiting to go to my reunion. I found that I ate a cookie and some chocolate. I must have been nervous and anxious about seeing old aquantances from High School. Which is so silly. I got two compliments last night. Both made me feel really good. And I wondered on the way home why I put those dreaded things in my mouth. It was mindless eating. Not so much mindless, but a subconcious effort to calm my fears, which is my biggest bad habit that I am trying to break.

As I continue on this journey I realize that I am becoming more aware of my thoughts and feelings and how they relate to my eating. Sometimes I know that I am upset and should go to the pantry and I still do. Other times, I might not recognize it until after wards or during. But at least I am recognizing it. Now I just have to figure out what I'm going to do in replace of the food. I think I should just remove myself from the house. Take a quick walk around the block, focus myself and jump back in the game. I think I'll try this next time.

A New Attitude

I have been terrible at keeping up my blog this week. I've also been incredibly busy. But no excuses, right? Right.

Even though I haven't been blogging I have been doing really well. I weighed in on Wednesday and found that I had lost 2lbs. Grant it, I had gained 1lb so I'm not as down as I'd like. I'm just grateful I didn't gain 5-6lbs. Which is pretty normal for me when I go through rough patches. I attribute my success to my new way of thinking. And of course that's living life as though I were already 160lbs.

Last night I saw a few friends out of the window. Usually I let the fence get in my way and stay home and curse the fence. Not last night. I pulled Grace onto my hip and walked as fast as my body in flip flops could take me to their house. I thought to myself, " What would a 160lb woman do? She would get up and go talk with them. She would take herself out of the kitchen and go and be social." So that's exactly what I did. It might be hard for me to visualize myself as 160lbs. But I don't find it difficult to imagine what she would do. I am so excited that I have found a strategy that is working for me.

My eating is not perfect, but it isn't horrible either. I attribute that to my new attitude about nutrition for my family as a whole. I can't mess up to badly when all there is to eat is fruit and veggies. What a great change that is coming over my home. It is still a struggle for my kids to explore the world of endless veggies. But my hope is that one day they will grow to love them as I am growing to love them.

I am beginning to see the light. I realized that I might have a few more setbacks and challenges along my journey. But just in the last month I have discovered new strategies and ideas that will take me further down the path of success and weight loss. But they didn't come without trial and error and hard work.

Even though I am not losing too much more on the scale I am beginning to see changes in my body. My gut doesn't sag so much when I lie on my side at night, I am grabbing less skin and fat when I sit down. As most of you know, my gut is how I am gaging my success. My gut going down is an indicator of some success. Yay for me.

Now I just have to concentrate on the weekend and not blowing all my hard work. Ahhh, the blasted weekend. It comes with it's good and bad. Just like all things in life. But now I need to think, " What would 160lb woman do this weekend?" She would be active, she will go to her High School reunion and hold her head up high, she will pull weeds for her Mom, she will do her own yard work, she will help the kids with their chores, she will eat a fruit or veggie with every meal, she wont stop unitl the job is done and done right, she will allow herself some freedom on Sunday and be ready to start a new week on Monday. She might even buy herself some new running shoes.

My new attitude is causing some pretty incredible changes. I hope to run with it and find continued success.

Caffeine

I feel bad that I haven't blogged for several days. I haven't fallen off the wagon. My PMS has finally passed but life continues to be overwhelming. And such is life. It doesn't stop and never will stop. It will most likely just keep getting faster and busier. It continues to be a fight to be fit. A fight against challenges that arise every single day. I haven't lost any weight since April. Sigh. But my will to change my life hasn't changed. So I keep plugging along.

I am so glad that I was exercising during my horrible PMS. I don't know what I would have done if I wasn't exercising. I am so glad that the rain has finally subsided here for a few days and the sun is showing his warm loving face. Now maybe my garden can begin to grown and flourish.

I have been thinking a lot about the Word of Wisdom and the blessings that come from obeying. Just like all other principles and ordinances of the gospel, if we are obedient we will be greatly blessed for that obedience:

"Walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in the navel and marrow to their bones. And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures. And shall run and not be weary and shall walk and not faint. "
I realized that the Word of Wisdom prevents us from forming addictions to drugs and alcohol. But it is also a guide as to how to appropriately treat our bodies so they can function to their fullest abilities. But I am stuck, stuck on Caffeine. I feel as though I have an addiction to caffeine. The idea of not drinking it makes me anxious and nervous. I really feel that drinking one a day helps me get through my day. And wouldn't it be better for me to drink zero calories rather then eat some insane amount of empty calories? Then I think about the aspertame that sweetness diet coke. There are many studies that show how bad aspertame is for you, and so is the carbonation. There is wisdom behind what the Prophets and apostles counsel us to do. They have counseled us against caffeine, and probably because of it's addictive nature.

Yes, I am trying to talk myself out of drinking diet coke. I've known for a long time that this is something that I should stop. I've stopped for several months but always go back to it. I never lose weight when I stop the diet coke. But there are so many other benefits from not drinking it. And simply being obedient brings blessings, both temporal and spiritual.

PMS

This week has reinforced over and over again that I need to start acting like the person that I want to be. Act like I am already that person, like I am already 160lbs. It might be hard for me to visualize myself as a thinner me, but I can start acting like one. In all my actions and thoughts I wonder to myself, what would a woman who is 160lbs do today? I know that this is probably a repeat of a previous post. But I'm trying to encourage myself to be positive and become that person that I so badly want to become.

During Grace's nap I had visions of me resting on my bed and reading a book. But I need to be more active, do more projects and spend more time improving upon my home and garden. So instead of reading, I'll do some yard work. Mowing the lawn, planting some straggling plants and soaking up the sun. I need to move more.

It sure has made a tremendous difference in my home this week having it stoked with good wholesome foods. Although yesterday was a very hard day for me, so I indulged a few times in the chocolate chips and rice crispy treats. I did it, once again, fed my anguish. Fed my negative thoughts. Luckily I didn't completely go under. There was still some thoughts of good in my mind that kept me from the entire bag of chocolate. Then it dawned on me, why I was having such an emotional week. My period started. This might be a little bit TMI. At the beginning of the year I had an IUD inserted to prevent further multiplying and replenishing the Earth. I've done my part. Before that I've never really experienced pre-menstrual stuff. My mood was unchanged. The last few months, and especially this month I've noticed depression like symptoms. I feel like a completely different person. I battle thoughts of worthlessness, anger, and I spontaneously cry thinking that no one likes me or wants to be my friend. Which is so stinking juvenile. I worry about things that I normally don't worry about. I feel heavy and burdened. It is NO FUN!!! On top of all that my husband and children bug!!!

I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't have the strength to battle these thoughts and feelings every month. It's hard enough battling regular normal thoughts. And then you throw this on top, yikes!!! I think that I am a fairly happy person aside from this.

Whew, I feel much better now. I'm glad that I have found the reason for my self pity party. On to the solution, what ever that is.

Yard work maybe, or a run. Something to keep me moving and active.

breakfast:
slice whole wheat bread
2 tsp peanut butter
1 tsp jam(230)
slice of canteloupe(30)

lunch:
2 tacos(220)
handful of nibs(60)

snack:

It's On

Yesterday I registered for my 3rd race of the summer. For over 5 years now I've had a goal of running in the Freedom Festival 5k. Well, that goal will finally come to fruition this year. I also realized that I have just over 2 short weeks before that race. I am finding it hard to make the time to train. I must, must, must make it a priority if I am going to improve upon my last time of 33 minutes. I would like to take 3 minutes off my time. I know, this might be quite lofty, but this is my goal. I really have to kick my own trash during the week to get the time down. Yesterday I walked, for warm up, to my kids school. From there I jogged to the top of the hill that takes you to the river bottoms, then I walked and jogged up that hill 4 times. After that I walked to Canyon road and jogged until I couldn't jog any more and walked a little bit. I walked jogged all the way home. As I did this I thought of all those runners that don't run the entire race and BEAT those that run the entire thing. I'm wondering if this is a strategy that I should try out. I mean really, if I could take a break with walking and be faster, why not? What I need to do is to invest in a watch. I don't have a watch. I know, how can I improve if I don't time myself everytime. Another thing that I need to do is to upload some more fast tempoed tunes to my ipod. I find that when I run to music I go faster. When I ran in the Springville 5k I pushed myself by telling myself to run faster for an entire song. I'm sure that helped me out a lot. So here come some Black Eyed Peas, Lady Gaga, and a few other songs. I find that if I know the songs I run faster too. It's great.

For the past month I haven't been able to lose anything. Not one pound. I am hoping by me completely changing the diet of my entire family and really increasing my projects during the day, plus my usual workouts and runs that the weight will start to fall off. I'm really tired of being at this weight. Since last week I have been asking myself everyday what would a 160lb woman do? Since that is the weight that I want to be I keep trying act like the person I want to be. Today the kids and I walked to the Canyon Park. Ya, we got drenched, but it was a blast. They traded bikes and scooters and walking and it was so much fun. We had lunch and even played a family fun game of softball. I also believe that if I become for active with my children it will burn more calories, reduce the time I have to focus on food, and reduce my weight.

I feel strongly that I am moving in the right direction. I really am becoming the person that I want to be. Active, happy and productive!!

breakfast:

2 small waffle squares(200)

1 egg(70)

snack:

none

lunch:

sticky fingers salad(400)

diet coke, ooooo I needed it. Thank You Amy!!!!

snack:

protien bar(270)

dinner:

grilled roasted red pepper, carmelized onion and hummus sandwich(180,10,10,20)

fresh fruit (40)

steamed broccoli and cauliflour (20)

snack:

rice crispy(60)

total caloris:1210

Look at what I bought!!!!

I was so proud of the produce that I bought I just had to lay it out and share it with the world. This post is an answer to Liz's question. I realized this day that I could buy produce on sale for the same price as other processed foods. Such as a frozen pizza for a dollar or a pound of broccoli for 79 cents. The choice was pretty cut and dry for me. I always thought that buying produce and lean meats would be expensive. But if you purchase these items when they are on sale, it turns out to be about the same. I will still coupon as well, for other items like soups and detergents and shampoos and toilet paper. And every now and then meats will go on sale for really cheap and that's when you buy it up and freeze it, waiting for you to use.

I have a budget of $100 a week, that is for a family of 8. This week I spent roughly $80 and this is what I bought:

2 roasting chickens: 88 cents lb
2 2lb bricks of cheese: 5.49 each
3 gallons of milk
2 containers of fat free cool whip
1 watermelon
2 cantelope
2 pineapples
2 bags of fuji apples
3 heads of good lettuce
9 red bell pepper: 3 for a buck
3 bunches of radishes
3 bunches of green onions
6 limes
3 jalapeno peppers
4 containers of raspberries
2 containers of blueberries
3 containers of strawberries
5 pears
2 bunches of broccoli
1 head of cauliflour
1 Stalk of celery
6 small yellow onions

All of these items were on sale. Nothing I bought was at full price. I think that is the trick. I have found that Ream's in Springville is an amazing place to buy produce. They always have some killer deal. As well as Buy Low. But they are too far for me to drive to most of the time. I hope that I each of my weeks can turn out like this. They probably wont, but then i guess I'll just turn to frozen veggies.

Do as I say, Not as I do

I've been talking and thinking a lot about my children and their nutrition and well being. Yesterday while looking through all the coupons and items that were on sale I came to a cross roads. I could spend my money on frozen pizza which was only going to cost me a buck each, or I could take that dollar and spend it on a pound of broccoli. Then and there I decided that I am going to begin to teach my children and show them by example how to lead a healthy and nutritious life. I am tired of trying to tell them to be healthy when I continually serve them high processed foods that I bought on sale. I am also tired of purchasing high calorie snacks for them that are just too tempting for me to pass up. I went to three stores and purchases pretty much produce. I decided that this journey is not just about me becoming healthy, but it's about my children too. I DO NOT want them to struggle with the same things that I do. I want them to make good decisions naturally and easily. By having only whole foods in the house and no crappy processed stuff, it makes our decision making much easier. What I eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner will be the same for my children. What's good for me, is good for them. This includes snacks as well. Today I made hummus deviled eggs. Hannah gobbled them up. They were made with chickpeas, roasted red pepper, cilantro and fresh garlic. Last night for FHE for our snack, we had fresh raspberries and strawberries, it was amazingling wonderful. I think that I am on to something here. Not only will this help me to lose weight, but hopefully help my children to become naturally healthy as well.

I am feeling much better today. I realize that happiness is something that we choose. I so want to be happy. I will let go of what is bothering me and hold on to those things that bring me true joy and happiness. As I labored over my produce, cleaning, chopping, spinning, bagging, stacking, it felt so good to being making such a great change for my family.

snack before run:
warm piece of home made whole wheat bread, who can resist that?

breakfast:
slice of whole wheat bread
slice of canteloupe

snack:
deviled eggs

lunch:
pbj sandwhich

Life, it happens

I've thought a lot about what I was going to express today. And the one thing that kept popping into my head was happiness. What causes us to be happy or unhappy. Yes, I believe that exercise causes us to become more happy and help with depression and a lot of other things. One thing that doesn't guarantee happiness is weight loss. I had a horrible weekend. It was just one thing after another, after another, after another that just snow balled until I went to bed Sunday night. Skinny or thin, I still have to deal with life, with my insecurities, my thoughts, my children, my husband, my relationships within the ward. It's still all there. What do we have to do to achieve true happiness?

I feel we have to be content with who we are on the inside. To accept our strengths, and our weaknesses. For me, it's easier to accept my weaknesses rather then my strengths. I know that I am weak in many aspects of my life. As people come in and out of my life I wonder what it is that I do to deter them from me. How can my relationship be strong one week and then next, non existent. That is hard for me and I begin to dwell on it and it just brings me down, down, down to the depths of sorrow.

This is the point where I have to lift my head up, stop wallowing in self pity and take initiative. Maybe something is going on in their life, their own struggles, or their schedules. I have to stop assuming that it is always me. But it's hard not to.

Thoughts such as these are ones that drive me to eat. Major insecurities, I recognize, is a problem of mine. As much as I'd like to think that weight loss will help with that, in some ways it does, and others, it doesn't. I'm still the person I am whether I'm skinny, or chubby.

As I sit and think upon this I realize that the hardest thing for me to do is to confront this head on. To just contact the people I feel I have somewhat lost contact with. How hard is it, really? I don't deal well with rejection, and that's the number one thing. I already feel rejected. But am I really? I wont know that unless I make the first move.

I have to face it head on or it's going to keep eating me away and I wont be able to move forward in a healthy manor. It's vital to my spiritual and physical being that I confront this issue.

Other then this issue I've had to deal with, which resides only in my own mind, I've had a great day. I pulled myself out of my cranky mood, went on an hour walk, went shopping and bought pretty much just produce, fixed a healthy lunch and dinner and had a healthy snack for FHE. It was a good day.

breakfast:
1 whole wheat slice of bread
1 egg
2 slices of bacon

snack:
none

lunch:
turkey and ham whole wheat wrap with lettuce and bell pepper

snack:
apple
whole wheat pasta with veggies

dinner:
bean and cheese burrito in whole wheat tortilla
salad
cantaloupe

snack:
1/2 cup fresh raspberries and strawberries with fat free cool whip. DELICIOUS!!!

When will it get easy?

As I woke up and weighed myself this morning I was up a pound. I just hadn't started my visualization strategy yet, and I new deep down that my weigh in wasn't going to be good. My heart was heavy and so was the rest of me. When am I going to wake up in the morning and not feel heavy. And not just in my heart heavy, but physically heavy. I feel as though I stomp across the floor with the weight of a giant. When will my jogs get easier and my steps be lighter. When will my runs be enjoyable instead of a drudgery. I hate to think of my runs as drudgeries right now, but when I feel so heavy they are.

My eating was so so today. The evening was terrible. Hunger raged inside of me and I just couldn't make rash decisions. Finally I stopped myself from eating the chocolate animal crackers and make myself a protien shake. About 20 minutes later, the magic number, I felt full. But not until I had consumed a handful of animal crackers and several wheat thins. My strategy for eating fewer calories back fired on me. I need to be smarter and eat more frequently and more balanced with good quality protein and carb. Ugh. When will I learn.

breakfast:
oatmeal pancake

lunch:
openface pbj
1 cup cabbage soup
60 calorie pudding

snack:
open face pbj
grapes

snack:
wheat thins

dinner:
bq chicken on whole wheat roll
1/2 cup beans

snack:
animal crackers
protein shake

I'm too tired to figure out the calorie intake. It's probably like 1600 or more.

exercise: jogging
duration: 45 minutes
calories burned: 400

Active, the person I want to be

I've always considered myself a fairly active person. Up until the past two days. Active is nothing compared to what I've been doing around the house and in the yard. It's amazing how my activities have changed my focus from food, to productivity. I actually struggled to get my meals in today. I didn't eat anything until 11:30am, which I know is not a good thing. By that time I was starving but didn't realize it until I set my groceries on the table and wondered what that rumbling was in my tummy. My activity level goes hand in hand with the type of person that I want to be. I want to be active, I mean really active. Always have my hand in a project to improve my home or my yard.

I had a very interesting conversation with Melissa this afternoon. Again, I had been working really hard in the yard and didn't stop for a break until the task was finished. By that time I realized that I hadn't eaten anything for 4 hours and again the rumbling came. But I was so hungry I kept reaching for the wrong things, like these amazing rice crispy treats I made for my kids. I didn't want to blow my day so instead I pulled out my cabbage soup and while it was heating up I called Melissa to talk through my hunger. Although my body deserved a little energy. The end of our conversation was about personal thoughts. I have always struggled with positive thinking. Melissa told me that if I acted like someone who weighed 160, then I would become 160. That person is waiting inside of me. This is such a hard concept for me to grasp. I have been 20 or 30lbs overweight for more then 6 years. It's hard for me to visualize myself any other way. But visualization is so important for my success. If I want to reach my first small goal, then I need to tell myself that I am already there and I will act that way. In theory, according to Melissa. But that is how she lost 60lbs in 4 months, so she probably knows what she is talking about.

This is a strategy that I really need to work on. I will tell myself that I am 160 until I get there. I will be active like I'm 160, be busy, act like I don't have this extra 17lbs. I need to do, to be.

breakfast:
nada

lunch:
turkey on whole wheat with onion and bell pepper(290)
a few grapes

snack:
1/2 peanut butter sandwich(190)
1 slice cantelope(40)
1 cup cabbage soup(40)
1 rice crispy(okay, my two small ones)(80)

snack:
protien bar(270)
1 banana(60)

dinner:
whole wheat soft taco made with, ground turkey sauted bell pepper and onion, cheese(270)

total calories: 1220

exercise:lower body workout, lifting weights
duration: 45 minutes
calories burned: 400

exercise: heavy garden work
duration: 120 minutes
calories burned: 400

total calories burned: 800

Haven't Stopped Moving

Since I've woken up this morning at 7am I haven't stopped moving. I think I took a 30 minute break to eat breakfast and lunch but that's about it. I've been putting away laundry, going for a run, cleaning the kitchen, cleaning the living room and front room, cleaning underneath Beckham and Jaren's beds (which is still a task that needs to be completed), shoveling, hauling, mixing, pushing, and heaving dirt into my grow boxes, and planting plants. Now the clock reads 4:15pm and my day still isn't finished yet. I still get to make dinner, plant more plants out front and clean the kitchen one more time and pull off a successful FHE. Whew, what a day. What a day. It's days like these that really help to keep food off of my mind. I wish every day were days like this. Productive, extremely active and just plain fun. It has been a LOT of work, but so freaking rewarding!!! Where did all this energy come from? I'm sure I will be pretty much dead to the world tomorrow. I have been thinking about the lateset book that I'm reading and the ache I feel to read it. But work has a greater pull on me. It will be fun to figure out how many calories I've burned today. Here I come neversaydiet.com. Hope I don't overload your computing system.

breakfast:
1/2 cup oatmeal(130)
2 tsp brown sugar(30)
6 pecans(60)

snack:
none

lunch:
pbj sandwich (370)
cabbage soup(40)

snack:
protien bar(270)

dinner:
hamberger patty(200)
sauted bell pepper and onions(60)

snack:
1/2 cup strawberries(40)
1/2 cup cool whip(30)

total calories:1230

exercise: jogging/walk
duration:45 minutes
calories burned: 540

exercise: heavy garden work
duration: 2 hours
calories burned:802

total calories burned: 1342

Fasting

This Sunday is Fast Sunday. Fasting is something that I have struggled with, almost hand in hand with weight loss. As I dedicated myself in January to lose weight, I also committed to fasting. When I fasted for the first time for 24 hrs it was tough as well as rewarding. I had forgotten what it felt like to be hungry. I was constantly feeding my my hunger, my boredom, my stress and frustration. I had forgotten what hunger pangs were, what it felt like to feel my body crave energy. Instead it was drowning in food. I felt full, heavy and sedated. Fasting helped with all of that. I realize that fasting has a greater purpose, and I am discovering the power that comes with faithful fasting. In the beginning I needed help physically and fasting awakened my senses. Not only did it awaken my senses but it helped me discover self-discipline. If I could go for 24 hours without any food, why couldn't I go for a week without sweets?

This is my 6th consecutive month to fast. And every month I have a renewed feeling of self-control, self-discipline and greater self-worth. It is a challenge to go without food when you are a busy mother of 6. To deal with the Sunday morning routine, Sacrament meeting and the battles the ensue there, and then to teach Primary. It is a struggle. But then the knowledge that all this doesn't have to be done on my own. Through the power and strength of Heavenly Father I can make it through. And it is because of Him that I am able to win my battles with weight loss. After all, weight loss is a righteous desire. To no longer feel sick or afflicted. To have the energy and good health to take care of myself and family is a good thing. And it's worth the fight. It's worth fasting and praying for.

2 for 5

This morning was my second of five races. My last race was just two small weeks ago. I was a little nervous since I had such a small window for improvement. But really, how hard is it to improve upon 38 minutes? This race was quite a bit larger with over 2000 people running. I went with a few different friends this time, Sabrina and Rebecca. This time I brought along my ipod which I attribute to my increased speed. I was amazed to see the finish line clock read 33:03 when I finally crossed it. I sprinted at the end but abruptly came to a halt. There was a line to tear the tag off our numbers. I had never experienced anything quite like the feeling in my gut. I had so much energy and adrenaline that I just about threw up. I had to start jogging in place to help keep the blood flowing in my body. But how amazing for me, to literally shave 5 minutes from last race time!!! Wow. I feel so great. I wish I could say that my eating followed suit. But it didn't. Along with a goal for improved speed next race, will be to eat healthy for the remainder of the day. I think, once again, that it is a mental thing. I just ran this great race so I rewarded myself with a little freedom. But that is so backwards.

The next race I also hope my family is there to cheer me on. I watched as other racers had their families there gather around them and cheer them on at the end. I need that. So wether Brent likes it or not, he is going to drag all our kids to the next race.

July 4th is my next race. For about 7 years now I've had a desire to run in the Freedom Festival 5k. This is the year for me to accomplish that long time goal. I am thrilled to be running it and look forward to having my family there as well.

I am so glad that I set this lofty goal. Lofty for me. It really is helping me to keep my focus and to make my workouts during the week have a greater purpose. I still struggle with the nutrition, but that is still slowly coming together. Like I've said before, 20 years of bad habits are hard to break. But I'm working on it.

Boom, Boom, Firepower!!!!

Yesterday I worked out my arms with Melissa. Normally my arms aren't too sore. Which is always a little disappointing to me. There are two things that I really want to improve about my body, first getting rid of my front butt and second, sculpting out some fantastic guns!!! The arm workout that we did yesterday really did a number. I am super sore, yay!!! Again, soreness is a sign that my body is changing. I have been sore for the past several weeks now. I hope to see some changes in the near future. If I can just keep on track with the nutrition. I would love to have arms that are defined and sculpted. I don't want to looka like man, by any means. I just want to be able to wear shorter sleeves without my relief society arm waving back at me. No thanks, done with that. I also realize that I will need to do a lot of cardio to rid myself of the front butt and relief society arms.

I have another strategy to help me get my full serving of fruits and veggies in my day. I know that we should be having a minimum of 5 servings a day. So I plan on eating a veggie with breakfast, lunch and dinner. My fruit comes with my snacks. Veggie for breakfast you say, at least for the remainder of this week through the next. I have fallen in love with breakfast burritos. Nothing is better then some sauted bell peppers and onions to go on top of my eggs and bacon. Yum, yum, yummie, yum. You should try it, it's fantastic. I know I should probably be getting more, but I am struggling with salads right now. Finding a good dressing that doesn't gag me is sometimes hard. I know that Ranch isn't always the smartest choice. But salads are so good for you and are so few calories.

breakfast:
tortilla scrambler(270)

snack:
protien bar
4 strawberries

Legs, legs, leggie, legs

If it hadn't been for my jog yesterday my legs would be so sore today. Melissa loves to work out legs, I loath the lower body. But there is no quicker way to get your heart rate pumping, and sweat dripping then to do squats and lunges. I know this is one of the quickest ways to get results as well. Putting my hatred aside for lunges, I do them, but curse them all the same.



breakfast:
tortilla scambler(265)

lunch:
pbj sandwich on whole wheat(300)
slice of cantalope(40)

snack:
ice cream cone(228)

snack:
1 apple w/pb(120)
1oz cheese(40)(993)

dinner:
hamburger patty(150)
grapes(30)
misc(100)

Baseball schedule screwed me up last night. I was doing so well, and then bam. I forgot what time they started and it was rush, rush, rush, rush. I ended up nibbling on some mini cookies, a few animal cracker, carrots, and grapes. Blah. To help keep my hands and mouth busy I ended up buying a diet coke. Again, I'd rather drink zero calories then snack on mindless, empty calories.

Won a Fight of Mind over Body

This morning I was determined to run longer then 3 miles. I discovered a training program online which helps you to increase your speed for a 5k. One of the first things you do in the first few weeks is to jog farther then you've ever jogged before. By the end of 3 weeks you should be up to 6 miles. Yikes, never jogged that far in my life. Still, I want to be able to really improve over the summer. And the only way that I am going to improve is to challenge my body and mind. I discovered through a conversation with Amy that from her house to down the riverbottoms, down the tree lined street, to the bridge and back is 4 miles. I woke up and told myself that I was going to tackle that distance today. I was a little overwhelmed because there is a good hill going down, which means I needed to run back up it when I am already spent. As I was running back up the tree-lined street I thought about running being a battle between mind and body. I was determined to win this battle. Then another thought popped into my head, how great would it be to be able to blog about such a triumph! I was determined more then ever to win this battle over my body. This body that hurts to jog. I feel it in my butt and my thighs, the pounding of fat resonates in my ears and brain. Despite the hurt, I triumphed!!! I made it all the way to the top of the hill. Grant it, I did have to walk for a short minute just to catch my breath, but I DID IT!!!!! Yay, for me and my jiggly rear-end!!! I finished running to my street and even attempted to sprint. Needless to say, I am very proud of myself. Due to my triumph over my body, I rewarded myself with a HUGE MILKSHAKE!!! Ha, ya right. More like I stuck to my eating well plan like nothing before. Why would I want to ruin a great work out with crap food. So I didn't. In fact, I was so busy afterwards that I struggled to get in my meals. Hence the reason for 2 protien bars.

breakfast:
tortilla scrambler
1 whole wheat tortilla(90)
2 slices of bacon(70)
1 egg(70)
1 egg white(35)
1 tbl salsa(10)
1/2 bell pepper(20)(295)

snack:
protien bar(270)

lunch:
pbj sandwich on whole wheat(300)
slice cantalope(30)

snack:
protien bar(270)(1160)

dinner:
3oz hamberger(250)
sauted bell pepper and onions(35)
1 cup cabbage soup(40)

total calories:1445


exercise: jogging
duration:45 minutes
calories burned: 545

exercise: mowed lawn
duration: 30 min
calories burned: 181

The Never Ending Story

As I was working out this morning I felt like my weight loss journey is never going to end. That my struggle to reach my goal, will always be an eternal struggle. I feel like I am never meant to lose this weight, that my whole life is meant to be on this path, and that I wont lose this weight. I look at myself in the mirror and see how much I have to lose around my middle. How dangerous that belly fat is to me, and my organs. And I think to myself, will I ever reach my goal? I want to so badly.

Melissa told me that I have to lose 1.5lbs a week. Those small numbers will add up to big ones. I know this, cause I did just a few short months ago. Which is so manageable and doable. I just have to eat the right about of calories and burn enough each day. A simple equation that alludes me most days. In addition to that Melissa encouraged me to burn at least 500 calories a day. To achieve this goal I will need to work out at least twice a day.

My mind is getting in the way. It always does. Now on to the mind games and telling myself that I am strong enough to keep going. To keep trying. That my goal is attainable. I've already lost 22lbs, I can lose 20 more!!! It's just numbers.

I have the power!!!

That got me over my urge to splurge!!! Since I can't get out and job, I think I'll do some Tae-Bo.

breakfast:
1 cup cottage cheese(180)
4 strawberries(40)
1 graham cracker(65)

lunch:
lean pocket(270)
1/4 cup grapes (30)

snack:
protein bar(270)

dinner:
1 slice whole wheat bread(90)
3 tsp peanut butter(90)
2 tsp jam(60)
slice cantelope(20)

snack:
1/4 trail mix(130)

total calories: 1245

exercise: lifting weights, lower body
duration:60 freaking minutes, thanks Melissa
calories burned: 481

exercise:wii active
duration:30 minutes
calories burned: 155

total calories burned: 636


okay, so this wasn't a great day eating. At least I kept my calories low and I didn't indulge in anything too sweet. The sweets are what kill me. And the 2 o'clock feeding is what kills me too!!
I was crazy busy with my schedule which was nice. It kept me out of the kitchen and my mind off of food. There are bonuses to being busy.

My sweet husband bought me the wii active game. I tried it out this evening and it was pretty fun. I think the punching was my favorite. I look forward to doing this again tomorrow. It has a journal which you can keep track of how many healthy meals you eat, how many servings of veggies and how many glasses of water you drink a day. I didn't do to well with the veggies or the water. Something else to add to my list of things to improve upon.

All in all, a good day. Hopefully this story will have an ending.

Exercise your way to Happiness

That was front page news in the paper this morning. There was a gallop poll conducted and they found that people who exercise 30 minutes a day for just two days a week reported more happiness and less stress in their lives. But only 27% of all Americans get that amount of exercise. So we must have a pretty depressed country. This same article reported that Utah ranked 3rd for least amount of obese people. Which doesn't surprise. I just have to look around at my ward members. The majority of people in my ward are thin. I am the exception.

I just had a thought. If most of the people in my ward are thin does that mean my ward, for the most part, is happy? I assume that the thin people exercise on a daily basis. Or are they thin from genetics and aren't happy because they don't exercise?

I exercise fairly regularly. I can attest that when I do exercise I feel so much better about life, about myself as an individual, mother and wife. So why is it that sometimes I find it hard to make time for exercise rather then other times? It's like sludge. Once you get your foot stuck in the life sucking substance, it's hard to break free. It's hard to get your body moving, but once you do, it's like a stone being thrown down a hill, it gains momentum. And that momentum catapults you into the happiness that comes from exercise.

breakfast:
1/2 cup strawberries
1 cup cottage cheese
1 slice whole wheat bread
1 tsp butter

snack:
apple
2oz cheese

lunch:
lean pizza pocket
10 grapes
crystal light

snack2pm:
protein bar

snack 4pm:
90 calorie rice crispy treat
1 slice whole wheat bread with pbj(150)

dinner:
shredded roast beef
2 cups cabbage soup
1 string of licorice(gosh dang that sweet tooth!!!)

And where is my will power!!!????