Life, it happens

I've thought a lot about what I was going to express today. And the one thing that kept popping into my head was happiness. What causes us to be happy or unhappy. Yes, I believe that exercise causes us to become more happy and help with depression and a lot of other things. One thing that doesn't guarantee happiness is weight loss. I had a horrible weekend. It was just one thing after another, after another, after another that just snow balled until I went to bed Sunday night. Skinny or thin, I still have to deal with life, with my insecurities, my thoughts, my children, my husband, my relationships within the ward. It's still all there. What do we have to do to achieve true happiness?

I feel we have to be content with who we are on the inside. To accept our strengths, and our weaknesses. For me, it's easier to accept my weaknesses rather then my strengths. I know that I am weak in many aspects of my life. As people come in and out of my life I wonder what it is that I do to deter them from me. How can my relationship be strong one week and then next, non existent. That is hard for me and I begin to dwell on it and it just brings me down, down, down to the depths of sorrow.

This is the point where I have to lift my head up, stop wallowing in self pity and take initiative. Maybe something is going on in their life, their own struggles, or their schedules. I have to stop assuming that it is always me. But it's hard not to.

Thoughts such as these are ones that drive me to eat. Major insecurities, I recognize, is a problem of mine. As much as I'd like to think that weight loss will help with that, in some ways it does, and others, it doesn't. I'm still the person I am whether I'm skinny, or chubby.

As I sit and think upon this I realize that the hardest thing for me to do is to confront this head on. To just contact the people I feel I have somewhat lost contact with. How hard is it, really? I don't deal well with rejection, and that's the number one thing. I already feel rejected. But am I really? I wont know that unless I make the first move.

I have to face it head on or it's going to keep eating me away and I wont be able to move forward in a healthy manor. It's vital to my spiritual and physical being that I confront this issue.

Other then this issue I've had to deal with, which resides only in my own mind, I've had a great day. I pulled myself out of my cranky mood, went on an hour walk, went shopping and bought pretty much just produce, fixed a healthy lunch and dinner and had a healthy snack for FHE. It was a good day.

breakfast:
1 whole wheat slice of bread
1 egg
2 slices of bacon

snack:
none

lunch:
turkey and ham whole wheat wrap with lettuce and bell pepper

snack:
apple
whole wheat pasta with veggies

dinner:
bean and cheese burrito in whole wheat tortilla
salad
cantaloupe

snack:
1/2 cup fresh raspberries and strawberries with fat free cool whip. DELICIOUS!!!