PMS

This week has reinforced over and over again that I need to start acting like the person that I want to be. Act like I am already that person, like I am already 160lbs. It might be hard for me to visualize myself as a thinner me, but I can start acting like one. In all my actions and thoughts I wonder to myself, what would a woman who is 160lbs do today? I know that this is probably a repeat of a previous post. But I'm trying to encourage myself to be positive and become that person that I so badly want to become.

During Grace's nap I had visions of me resting on my bed and reading a book. But I need to be more active, do more projects and spend more time improving upon my home and garden. So instead of reading, I'll do some yard work. Mowing the lawn, planting some straggling plants and soaking up the sun. I need to move more.

It sure has made a tremendous difference in my home this week having it stoked with good wholesome foods. Although yesterday was a very hard day for me, so I indulged a few times in the chocolate chips and rice crispy treats. I did it, once again, fed my anguish. Fed my negative thoughts. Luckily I didn't completely go under. There was still some thoughts of good in my mind that kept me from the entire bag of chocolate. Then it dawned on me, why I was having such an emotional week. My period started. This might be a little bit TMI. At the beginning of the year I had an IUD inserted to prevent further multiplying and replenishing the Earth. I've done my part. Before that I've never really experienced pre-menstrual stuff. My mood was unchanged. The last few months, and especially this month I've noticed depression like symptoms. I feel like a completely different person. I battle thoughts of worthlessness, anger, and I spontaneously cry thinking that no one likes me or wants to be my friend. Which is so stinking juvenile. I worry about things that I normally don't worry about. I feel heavy and burdened. It is NO FUN!!! On top of all that my husband and children bug!!!

I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't have the strength to battle these thoughts and feelings every month. It's hard enough battling regular normal thoughts. And then you throw this on top, yikes!!! I think that I am a fairly happy person aside from this.

Whew, I feel much better now. I'm glad that I have found the reason for my self pity party. On to the solution, what ever that is.

Yard work maybe, or a run. Something to keep me moving and active.

breakfast:
slice whole wheat bread
2 tsp peanut butter
1 tsp jam(230)
slice of canteloupe(30)

lunch:
2 tacos(220)
handful of nibs(60)

snack: