3 miles

Yesterday I went out for a jog. I was so excited to be able to jog for 3 miles. I knew I could do it and thought I pushed myself harder then the last time. Well, I jumped in the suburban and clocked how far I went. What a disappointment. I went the same distance as last time. Maybe .1 more then last time. So this evening I was bound and determined to run 3 miles. I'm pretty darn sure I did. I didn't clock it, I'll be sure and do that in the morning. But I ran the same distance as last time, plus some. In addition to running, I worked out my lower body with Melissa this morning. I am FREAKING sore!!! I can hard go up and down the stairs. I know tomorrow is going to be worse. But it needs to feel like this. My body isn't going to change much without the hurt. Like the old adage "No Pain, No Gain."

This evening I also indulged myself in the Biggest Loser. I was inspired by Tara this time. She struggles with the same feelings that I have had in the past. I know there is a reason why I gained weight, but I could never put my finger on what that problem was. I'm still not quite sure what that was. But it has a lot to do with my feelings of worthiness. I am worth all this hard work. I am worth living for. It's okay to do this for myself. To be healthy, to set a good example for my kids and family. I think I also struggled with being a Mom. It's tough. And being a Mom of 6 can be super overwhelming at times. But I know the Lord never would have put those precious children in my hands if he knew I couldn't do it. He knows I can do it, and that gives me strength. And I need to be strong and healthy to keep up with my spirited children.

I was going to stop logging my eating and exercising. But one of the tips this evening was to document how many calories you intake, and how many you burn. It's a simple mathmatical equation that is "suppose" to work. I think I'm going to cease on the calorie counting for a few weeks. It's felt so good no to have to worry about those numbers. Instead, I'm going to focus on the fun numbers. The numbers that I burned. The numbers that are no longer holding onto my body. That being the calories I burned while exercising.

exercise: Weight Training with Melissa
duration: 45 minutes
calories burned:367

exercise: Jogging
duration: 3 miles, not sure how long it took me. I didn't have a watch on. I'll say 35 minutes
calories burned:428

total calories burned: 795

NO WAY!!!! I am no longer Obese. Just Overweight!!!

I have stuck to my promise of weighing myself on Wednesday and Sunday mornings. I really didn't want to get on the scale. It hasn't been the best of weeks for me. Both eating and exercising. I wasn't out of control with my eating, it just wasn't great. I had such a busy busy week that I didn't get the chance to work out twice a day like I have been. But I knew that I needed to keep myself in check. When I stepped on the scale I was shocked to see that I had lost 2lbs!!!! Wow!!! So then I decided to take it a little further and pulled out the Wii fit board and the Wii Fit game to see what it told me. Even better results. It told me that I had lost 4lbs from the last time I stepped on it and I am no longer Obese. I am now just overweight and below 180!!! Just barely, but I am below it.

What a huge triumph for me!!! With this weigh in today that brings my total weight loss up to 20lbs. How exciting is that!!!??? Yay for me!!! It's working, it really is working!!! The scale loves me, it really does love me. At least for today it does.

I still have some big goals to reach. I still need to lose 19 more lbs. That is to get to my original goal of 160. Maybe once I get to 160 I will make another goal of 150. For right now, I'm shooting for 160. In the past I have set goals that just seemed unreachable for me. 150 is one of those numbers that just seems out of my league. But I might change my mind when I get to 160. We'll see.

I am still constantly changing my strategy what seems like every two weeks. This week I am going to do the fast start strategy from Absolute. This is where you just eat meats and raw veggies for 3 days. At 10am and 2pm you can have a fruit. I couldn't do this method last year due to the fact that I was still nursing. Now that nursing is done with, I am so excited to do this for 3 days. I can do anything for just 3 days. It'll be easy. I'll just make some yummy raw salsas to go ontop of shredded beef and chicken. Yum. And it's just for 3 stinking days. It's going to be GREAT!!!!

I was running!!!!!

Yesterday after Brent got home from work I thought I'd go for a run. Not a walk/run, but a run. Now, I don't run fast at all so I guess it can't even be considered a run. More like a jog. I have been inspired by the Biggest Loser, once again. I just couldn't believe that they ran 13 miles, a half marathon. And most of them were still 200lbs or more. Wow, that is incredible. Yesterday was the first chance I've had since then to see how far I could run without stopping. Although my time was limited I did the best with the time that I had. I ran and ran and ran and listened and listened and listened to my ipod shuffle. Thank heaven's for that little invention. I was so proud of myself. I wasn't sure how far I had run, I just new that I could have gone longer if the time had permitted.

This morning I jumped in the suburban and tracked how far it was that I had run. I was so surprised when the odometer read 2.5 miles. And I could have ran farther if time had permitted. Last week I decided that I am going to run a 5k every month from May to September. A 5k is obviously only 3 miles. So I am well on my way to making this a successful summer for me. I look forward to training, running fartlicks, increasing my time, collecting T-shirts and running with friends.

This is more proof to myself that I am stronger then I ever imagined I was.

Standing on the Precipice

Here I stand, at the precipice of change. Am I ready to continue with my commitment? Am I ready to go where I haven't been in a REALLY REALLY REALLY long time? Right now I am just a few pounds away from my pre-Grace days. That weight is a weight that I've been at since Beckham's been 18 months old. I never seemed to make it below that. Okay, maybe less by 3 or 4 lbs. But the clothes that I am wearing now are clothes I can fit in comfortably and have been comfortable in them for years. Am I ready to go outside of my comfort zone? Am I ready to work harder, move faster, eat healthier then I have in a REALLY REALLY REALLY long time? How strong is my desire? How strong am I really? Stronger then I think I am. I am ready to move forward. I am ready to not let anything get in my way!!! Not even myself. The last time I tried this losing weight gig it took me from January to July to lose the weight that has taken me just 2.5 months to lose this go around. I refuse to be complacent. I refuse to be comfortable at this weight. I know that I can do better, be better. The future is exciting for me now. What will July bring for me? How much weight will I lose by then? How much stronger will my body be? How much trimmer will I be? How much farther will I be able to run? How much more energy will I have? How much more in love with veggies will I be? See? The future is exciting and this is the first time that I have realized that the future can be exciting. Change is fabulous. Change is hard, but it is so worth crossing that precipice into a new me.

It's going to happen. I can still feel that desire pulsing through my veins. What an exhilerating and uplifting feeling.

Cravings

Will they ever end? Will there ever be a day when I don't have any kind of cravings? I guess the only kind of cravings that I would want in my life right now are for veggies. I do remember having cravings for veggies right after I had Grace. All I wanted were carrots, celery and pickles dipped in a little bit of Ranch. Then my milk really came in and my appetite was as ferocious as a lion and the only cravings that I had were for cookies. Any kind of cookies I could get my hands on.

Lately my cravings have been for ice cream, in the evenings. Yikes. Eating ice cream in the evenings is one of those bad habits that got me into the situation I find myself in currently. Struggling to lose some extra poundage.

So what do I do to curb those cravings. I don't want to eat after dinner. But lately I feel like I have been starved all day long. I guess once I get into the no carbs after 4pm and am truly strict with it the cravings will disappear.

I keep trying to tell myself that I have just today to get through. Then tomorrow is my free day and I can eat what ever I want. I'm telling you, tomorrow can't come soon enough.

A new approach to getting rid of the Front Butt!!!

I realize that it's only been just a few hours since I last posted. But I am already starting to feel better about myself. I haven't written anything down yet. I can just feel my body and mind changing. We all go through highs and lows in our weight loss journey's. Thank goodness for the highs. They give me the extra strength that I need to push forward. I find that I am bounding up the stairs a little more quicker. I feel my body getting a little tighter, thanks to circuit training with Melissa.

I have found a new method of eating. Melissa told me about it and I read the article and I am SUPER excited to apply it to my daily life. You can have two carbs a day, one at breakfast and one at lunch. After 4pm you have no carbs what so ever. You should also try and split up your protein through out the day. For women, you should get about 100 grams a day. Ask Amy Huhtala about this, she knows it works. That's why she's 60+ lbs lighter. The one reason this approach is so appealing to me is that I still get to have carbs and fruits in my day. Halleluiah!!! A program I know I could stick to for the rest of my life!!! Plus I am desperate to get rid of my front butt, and this program is suppose to help with that. I dont' want a front butt any more. I didn't wait until monday to impliment this way of eating. I started Tuesday night and I can already tell a difference. Not eating carbs after 4pm I think is going to be key to getting rid of that dreaded front butt. BE GONE FRONT BUTT!!!!! You are no longer welcome in my life!!!!

b:
protein bar

l:
1/2 carne asada burrito

s:
protein bar

It's all in your head

I have heard over and over that weight loss is more then just a healthy diet and exercise. More then likely there is always an underlying reason for your obesity. Today I think I discovered maybe what mine might be. The reason behind my weight loss failures. I know that I have the will power to stick to this diet, I've done it for 2.5 months. It's my thoughts that are keeping me from being the person that I want to be. Physically, mentally and spiritually. I am so hard on myself and focus on the negative. I use to think that I was a pretty happy person. I guess that's true when it comes to other people. But when it comes to myself, I struggle with accepting my talents or gifts and giving myself credit for all my hard work. I feel as though I am being prideful or full of myself if I concede to all the good things that I do. But that's not what our Heavenly Father wants us to do. I shouldn't be hiding my light under a bushel. I should be letting my light, and sharing myself and talents with those around me. I should accept the fact that I have been working hard at losing weight and I am doing a great job. I am way to hard on myself.

What am I going to do about this mental problem that I have? The first thing that came to mind was to write down every morning, or read what I've written all the good qualities that I posses and include those qualities that I would love to gain to be the person that I want to be.

I know that this might sound like a problem that everyone might struggle with. But for me, I realize that it's keeping me back. Like I said before, my negative self talk is preventing me from being the person that I would love to be.

I need to stop putting myself down. I need to accept compliments. I need to accept the truth. What is the truth? That is something else that I need to search for as well.

The truth. Sometimes it can hurt. And somethimes it can be liberating.

b:
1/2 cup oatmeal
1 tsp butter
2 tsp brown sugar
eggs and bacon

s:
protein bar

l:
pita chips with white bean dip
veggie tray

s:
protein bar

d:
sauted chicken, bell peppers and onions.

Tuesday timings

So far today I have worked out twice already. Once at 6am and again at 9am. I am planning on going for a long walk when Brent gets home. I am determined to lose this stinking weight. Move more, eat less. Garunteed weight loss. Well, we'll see about that. I pushed through another difficult weekend for me. I don't know why weight loss has to be so hard for me. I was talking with my sister this afternoon and broke donw into tears. It just doesn't seem fair to me that all my hard work is for naught. It just doesn't seem fair. Then I thought about past success stories. Some people's bodies hold on their fat thinking that the person isn't serious. But after about 3 or 4 months the body realizes you mean business and the fat just melts away. I don't know if this is what's going to happen to me. I guess I shouldn't get my hopes up because if it doesn't happen that way... I don't want to have to think about that right now. I'm just trying to make it through until I get to VA. That's my first real big goal. I wanted to lose 30lbs by then, I'll be lucky if I get to 20. But every pound counts at this point I guess. And I keep having to remind myself that it's more about the big picture. About me becoming healthier. Making better choices and living a life full of colorful fruits and veggies.





Good thing spring is just around the corner. I am ready to start my garden. It's going to be beautiful this year.





b:
protein shake made with water(120)


s:
1 slice of whole wheat bread
2 tsp peanut butter
1 tsp jam(160)


l:
fajita wrap made with sauted red bell pepper, onions, corn and black beans(320)
I was too hungry to cook up some protein. I know I needed it, but just didn't have the time.


s:
protein bar(190)(790)

d:
cottage cheese wrap. Not so good, but had the protein I needed.

s:
jello and non fat cool whip











exercise:B.L. cardio

duration: 40 minutes

calories burned: 250



exercise: circuit training with Melissa

duraton:55 minutes

calories burned: 610

Monday's good eats

I didn't have time to get on the computer yesterday. I'm making a quick run down of my eating and exercising.


b:
protein shake made with water(120)

l:
lime chicken salad(300)

s:
protein bar(190)

d:
pulled pork wrap with sauted red peppers, onion, and lettuce(400)

s:
1/4 cup sugar free lime jello(20)

grand total:1030


exercise: Biggest Loser Shape
duration: 45 minutes
calories burned:300

exercise: walk/run
duration:30 minutes
calories burned: 200

total calories burned:500

The truth hurts sometimes.

Once again I found myself pondering my weight loss journey, progression, struggle. What ever you want to call it. The fact and truth of the matter is that I am an emotional eater. I ate through my emotions again this weekend. I don't feel good about myself at all right now. The truth is that my failures are keeping me from my true potential. Am I being to hard on myself? Maybe. Do I still have to make some big changes? Yes I do. I am ready to make those changes.

I have thought long and hard about my new strategy. I am not giving up. I am still determined to lose 24 more lb's. I was talking with a friend the other day and I mentioned to her how losing weight really does suck. It's hard, it's emotionally draining, it's hard, and at times disappointing. But then I thought more about that statement. What is worse, the hard work going into losing weight, or gaining weight. Weight gain, by far, sucks more then the efforts put into losing weight.

Like I talked about in one of my previous posts. This is a process. All this hard work is a progression towards a better me. I really do have to fail at some things to see what works for me, and what doesn't.

Enough babbling, let's talk strategy.

My biggest priority, the one that has been weighing heavily on my mind and conscience is my diet coke addiction. The spirit whispered to me that I needed to give the stuff up. But I haven't yet. I feel like I have an emotional attachment to the stuff. But I know it is not good for me. I stopped drinking it for a few months over the summer. I need to simply give it up. The thing is, I don't see much change when I stop drinking. I usually replace it with something else, and it's never been a good thing. I am stronger now though. I know I have to power to change./The power to over come.

Second, I am going to drink a glass of water before and after every meal, this includes my snacks. I know that water is essential for good health and weight loss. I love water. I need to drink more of it. So I'm going to.

Weighing in. I need to stop weighing myself so much. I have stopped weighing myself everyday like I was in the beginning and that has helped a lot. I guess the real downer is when I weigh myself on Fridays. It is a killer on my emotionally. So from this time forward I will only weigh myself on Wednesday and Sunday mornings. I need to stop weighing on Fridays. That just puts me in a downward spiral to emotional gorging.

Free day. I was going to change my free-day to Friday. Since I struggle with that day anyway. But that wont do me any good. I'm pretty sure I will end up having a Free Weekend. I need to push through this struggle that I'm having with Friday's anyway. I have the power to stick to healthy eating on Fridays just as much as I have the power on Monday to eat healthy. I know I will feel great joy and happiness when I can overcome this personal battle that I am having with myself.

I am reverting back to bad habits. Enough is enough. I am not going to give up yet. I told Brent the other day that I just don't think this is working for me. He simply said, "then stop doing it." That statement gave me knots in my stomach and I felt sick inside. I don't want to stop. What I do need to stop is all the negative self talk. It's not doing me any good. I have accomplished so much in my short 2.5 month journey. I don't eat any kind of sweets during the week. Amazing. I have lost 16lbs. My clothes are fitting me great. My sex life is greatly improved. I have more energy. And I want to be healthy. I want to eat veggies to find recipes that my family will love. This is not only for me, but for my family.

Sometimes I feel like I have more setbacks then break throughs. But I learn something new from each setback. I learn something new about myself. I have learned that I am stronger then I thought I ever imagined. I do have to power to change my life. I will do this.

Confesssions and Frustrations

So I have another confession to make. I haven't been completely honest with my food log. Remember those almond clusters that I bought at Sam's Club. I thought they would be a good snack. Until I read the label and realized that 5 small squares have 160 calories in them. I kind of dis-regarded that and eat a few after lunch and a few after dinner. Well, they are all gone, my kids and hubby finished them off last night. Hopefully, next week will be better.

I haven't stopped eating after dinner. I have been getting so hungry. I haven't been gorging myself. Just a few grapes here, a cracker there, a nibble of a banana there. I need to find a solution to this problem. At least I haven't full on brought out the ice cream again. Gosh dang it, that would be BAD!!! I think what I need to do is make some sugar free jello and get some low-calorie cool whip. That would be helpful.

I am still weighing myself mid-week, okay maybe 3 times a week. And it is playing such emotional games on me. Like today for instance. I just KNEW I would be down. I have to be down. I have worked out twice a day and have been eating the right amount of calories. And it's been guaranteed that if you eat less and move more you will lose weight. Yeah, right, who are they kidding???!!! Bunch of liers!!! I haven't lost any weight this week. According to Wii Fit I actually gained 1.5lbs. And forget this whole muscle weighs more then fat crap. I know that to me true. But the numbers are what are important. Yes, yes, yes, everyone tells you otherwise. I was thinking this morning why the numbers are so ding dang important to me. Because the "specialists" and "nutrientist" say you have to be within a certain number for your height and weight to be healthy. But they don't know me. They dont' know my body make up. How much my bones weigh, how much muscle I have compared to fat. It just seems like an imperfect system. So why am I focusing on the numbers? Because I've been told to. My BMI tells me I'm obese!!! OBESE!!!!!

After stepping off that scale I wanted to crawl into bed, cry and stay there for the rest of the day. But what good would that do? I have to look back at what my body has done over the last 2.5 months. I really don't have consitant weight loss. It goes up and down and up and down. I have never been down, down ,down. I need to buck up and realize that my body does some funky things. There is NO reason to quit. No reason at all. I'm doing this for more reasons then the numbers. Plus, it's only been 2.5 months. Wake up Amberlyn and feel the sunshine!!! If I stick with this for 2.5 more months I could possibly be down another 16lbs which would be a total of 32lbs. Which is what I want. Stop sulking and get moving!!!!

It is discouraging to have such slow weight loss and so many ups and downs. Especially when you work out so DING DANG HARD!!!! It just doesn't seem fair to someone so committed as I am. So unfair.

Just take a deep breath.

Remember is about the process. Right now I am learning to not let the numbers get me down so easily. Look at the brighter sides, the larger picture. My clothes are fitting great. I am wearing shirts I haven't been able to wear in years. That is a good thing. Those are the tangible things I need to be searching for.

I reverted back to my old self today. Instead of reaching for something good and healthy, I reached for the m&m's. I just let my appointment get to me. I think I had some sweet and salty chex mix as well.

Just another U-turn that I need to take. Blech. I think I'll go for a walk.

Beets, Bears, Battlestar Galactica

Beets, I love beets. They are my new favorite veggie. Everyone should try a roasted Beet. Bears, my gut still looks like it belongs to a bear. I'm still storing way too much fat. I could survive the winter like a hibernating bear. Maybe if I were to do that my body would eat itself skinny. Yeah, right, I'm not that lucky. I've noticed that in all the Sci-Fi movies everyone is thin. I would love to time travel into the future and be one of the skinny planet hoppers. I bet in the future they'll have invented some kind of drug that keeps everyone skinny too. Who cares about diversity, we get that with personalities.

Breakfast:
protein bar(210)

lunch:
1/4 cup brown rice(100)
1/2 cup pulled pork(120)

snack:
5 bites of arros con pollo(100)

snack:
protein bar(190)

dinner:
1/4 cup shepard's pie(100)
1/2 cup grapes(100)
3/4 roasted beet(40)

grand total: 760
I'm sure I ate more then that today. I was just guessing on the calorie intake.

exercise:circuit training with Melissa
duration: 60 freaking minutes
calories burned:664

exercise: walking/jogging
duration:45 minutes
calories burned:404

total calories burned:1068

Just another day

Not much to confess today. Just plugging along trying to stay good, trying to change my life. I kept trying to tell myself today that this isn't something short term. I am trying to change my life for good. The choices that I make on a daily basis has to be different to make this permanent.

I feel like I am hitting a wall, again. I have lost 16lbs but it doesn't feel like it's made that much of a difference, after all it's only 16lbs. So I've found myself searching for the changes that have been made in my body. Yes, my jeans are fitting much better. This morning when I did the football run I noticed that my body isn't as jiggly, I am a little firmer. But that's all the difference that I've noticed. It's a little disappointing, but I know that I need to keep going, keep pushing. This is no longer just about me being smaller. This is about me being healthier. I know that being over weight puts me at risk for heart disease and diabetes. None of which I want. A few people have told me that it wont be totally noticeable until I lose another 4-14lbs. Wow. In a way that is discouraging. Here I am again focusing on the negative. When I need to look at the positive. I have lost 16lbs. I am doing it. I do have the power to change my life. My jeans are fitting better, I am getting firmer.

breakfast:
1/2 cup oatmeal (150)
2 tsp brown sugar (60)
2 slices bacon(70)(280)

snack:
none

lunch:
Turkey, bacon and avocado sandwich(80,70,40,160)(350)

snack:
protein bar(190)

dinner:
1/2 cup short grain brown rice(200)
1/2 cup b-q pork(100)
salad, 1/2 beet(50)(350)

snack:
1/2 cup grapes(100)

grand total: 1270


exercise: Biggest Loser Boot Camp
duration: 40 minutes
calories burned:400

exercise: walk/run
duration: 30 minutes
calories burned: 250

total calories burned: 650

Process and Progress

The last couple of days I've heard or read the words Process and Progress a lot. Achieving a new healthy lifestyle is a process which includes progression. One article that I read yesterday emphasised that you need to focus on your progress goals instead of the end result goal. Which I have been guilty time and time again of committing. Wanting to lose 30-40lbs and expecting that to happen within a week or two. When that is just not humanly possible. I totally set myself up for failure. But when you focus on your progress goals, like drinking 8 glasses of water a day, or walking 30 minutes 4 or 5 times a week it makes the process of losing weight more fun and successful. That is one of the major differences between my effort now, and efforts in the past. I am focusing on the baby steps, the steps that will help me ultimately achieve the healthy lifestyle that I want so badly. Bad habits, like I've mentioned before, are formed over years and years of repetition. You can't just expect them to disappear over night. We need to be gentle and loving with ourselves. Allowing for set backs and mistakes. After all we are human, we all will make mistakes. Which hasn't been easy for me to accept. Thus my difficult month of February. But accepting my failures, learning from them and moving forward is progress. And that's all you can ask of yourself. Don't ask for perfection, you'll always disappoint. Ask yourself to make progress towards a better you and you will, most always, be successful.

breakfast:
1/4 cup cream wheat (120)
2 tsp brown sugar(60)
2 slices turkey bacon(70)

snack:
4 almond clusters (115)
1/2 pear (35)

lunch:
bq chicken wrap(300)

snack:
protein bar(210)

dinner:
tortilla scrambler
2 corn tortillas(80)
1 slice turkey bacon(35)
2 eggs (70)
2 TBL cheddar cheese(80)

grand total calories:1175

exercise:Biggest Loser Cardio
duration: 50 minutes
calories burned: 400

exercise: Walking briskly
duration: 30 minutes
calories burned: 200

total calories burned: 600

Just keep walking

I have been doing some reading today which reinforced my love of walking. Yes, I might burn more calories when I run. But walking is just as good for you and less abrasive on the joints. I have been walking outside since the weather has changed and I am so grateful for the change. Nothing beats the feel of fresh air on the face and the feeling of your blood pumping through your whole body. I go walking by myself in the evening when Brent gets home and sometimes I throw Grace in the stroller and Beckham hops on his scooter. It's great. I love it. Just keep walking, walking, walking.

Another reinforcement was the talk of calorie intake. If you decrease your calories by 500-1000 a day you are guaranteed to lose weight. It's a simple mathematical equation. I found this website and it has a ton of great information.

The reason I googled was to find out what happens to the fat when you lose weight. As Brooke mentioned in her comment, fat is burned up as energy. I guess it does just dissolve and disappear. That is still escapes my mind. I'm just happy that the fat somehow escapes my body as well.

breakfast:
1 slice of whole wheat toast (80)
2 slices of bacon(70)
1 egg (35)

snack:
almond clusters(160)
1/2 cup grapefruits (80)

lunch:
sushi(260)

snack:
horrible asian crap I bought(big mistake, thinking of grace when I did it)(80)
peppermint patty (190)
Protein bar(160)

dinner:
3oz chicken breast(246)
broccoli salad(100)

grand total:1186 I can't believe that I managed to stay under 1200 calories today.

Exercise: Biggest Loser Sculpting
Duration: 40 minutes
Calories burned:300

Exercise: Walking, briskly
Duration: 35 minutes
Calories burned:195

grand total of calories burned: 495





not a good snacking day. I've been at my parents house helping my Dad out. This is one of those battles that I've lost. And one of those times when I needed to make better choices. I will always be faced with days like this. But I just have to move forward and make better choices for the rest of the day. A lot of those calories I just guessed on too. I hope I guessed high.

That's motivation

There are two types of motivation, for me at least. Negative motivation, like when you step on the scale after a really long time and see that red number blinking at you that you'd never thought you'd see. But there it is, flashing it's big red face. At that moment you think you are about to faint or fall on the floor in the fetal position and begin crying. Abort the fetal position and do something. That's the negative motivation I felt in the beginning.

Last night I discovered positive motivation. Since the scale had read low yesterday I decided to try on a few pairs of pants, okay a lot of pairs of pants. And to my utter delight most of the pants that I couldn't fit or barely fit into a few weeks ago fit perfectly. And some of the pants that I wore last year are getting to big. HALLELUJAH it's working!!!

I've also had to learn to judge my weight loss in different areas of my body. I have been gaging my whole success on my gut. It reminds me of my daughter's recent birthday. The whole success of that birthday hung on the balance of the right fitting shoes. Never mind that her mom, me, threw her a kick butt party, or that she got a ton-o-clothes for her birthday, or that her mom, me, took her out to lunch and to Target to get a whole new outfit. Never mind all those other great things, all that matter was the shoes. That's what I've been doing. Focusing too much on my gut when there are other parts of my body showing improvement. Take my back for instance. When I was checking myself out in the mirror the other day I noticed that my back fat has greatly decreased. Hello, that is great. I think my arms might be getting a little smaller too. Thanks to good old fashion push ups. Yikes, I know, push ups are scary but they work. I've had to train myself to focus on me as a whole, not just my gut. And my gut has been through a lot. Stretching 5 times for babies, one of those times being for twins. And twice being cut open. It will take time to get my stomach back to some what normalcy. I know it will never be what it use to be. And that's okay with me. The extra skin just reminds me of the sacrifice that I went through to get my babies here and what miracles each of them were.

Life is good. Yes, it is still a daily battle. But I feel good, I know I am making progress and nothing feels better then success. I also accept the fact that I will probably fall on my face a few more or a lot more times before I reach my ultimate goal. And that's okay.

breakfast:

protein bar

snack:

1 whole wheat bread

2 tsp peanut butter

lunch:

half a carne asada burrito

dinner:
home made chili

I decided to start logging my exercise as well. I need to start seeing all the positive things that I am doing as well.

Exercise: Walking

Duration: 60 minutes

Distance: 3 miles, up and down the hill to the riverbottoms 3 times.

Twice a days

In an attempt to lose my weight I have started working out twice a day. Once in the morning at 6am doing what ever DVD. And then again at either 9am or after Brent gets home. I go for a walk. But it's not a casual walk, mind you. It's a get your heart pumping walk. This evening I braved the falling snow. I announced that I was going on a walk and Brent thought I was nuts. Well, I might be nuts, but I needed to get out of the house. I was having some huge cravings, which have been happening a lot in the evenings lately. I figured a good walk would squelch that. It did, for a few seconds. I just have to fight it now. Remembering that those pains that I am feeling is my body eating away at the fat. It's a good thing. These feelings of pain are good pains.

I have neglected to weight myself lately due to the bad month of February. I decided to step on the scale this morning after my work out and not eating breakfast. I did get something to eat right after weighing. I was pleasantly surprised when I stepped on the scale. I was down 5lbs since the last time I officially weighed in. I think I even logged my weight here, in the blog for the entire world to read. The scale reinforced that all this hard work is working. And it is HARD work. I know that we've already established that, but it is.

It is still mind boggling to me how easily weight seems to find it's way back to my butt, thighs, hips and gut. In I have to work what seems like a 100 times harder to get the darn stuff off. And where does all that fat go? I think about that often when I watch the Biggest Loser. Really, where does all that extra fat go? Does it dissolve into the Universe waiting for someone else to use? I guess that is something I should research. My Aunt told me once that it exits through your poo and pee. I wonder if that is true.

breakfast:
protein shake made with 1 cup milk (220)

no snack:

lunch:
half a black bean and corn wrap. DELICIOUS!!!!
1/2 a vegan oatmeal cookie
A few sips of a soymilk smoothie (330) just a guestamet

snack:
protein bar(230)

dinner:
pizza on a carb control whole wheat tortilla.(70,100,80,)
2TBL trail mix(160)


grand total: 1190 give are take some calories.

What's your problem?

I came across an article today that had to do with the Biggest Loser and some predictions that he made as to who the winner was going to be. He thinks that it's going to be Tara. His reasoning, her spunk for life and how she approaches her workouts. He parallels how we approach our workouts to how we approach life.

This was his BOTTOMLINE: How you approach your workouts can be an indication on how you approach life. Attack your workouts with joy and that zest for life will spill over in everything else you do.

That got me thinking. How do I approach my workouts and consequently my own life? In the beginning I always go full force with determination to keep going till I've reached my goal. But it never ends up that way. I always peter out 1/4 way into my efforts. Now that I am thinking back on all the changes that I've wanted to make in my life, whether it be for my own personal health, or for my family, or for spiritual reasons I ALWAYS peter out. The drive dies down. And I end up being complacent and stuck in my comfort zone. Afraid to move forward because it's too hard. Work outs are HARD, raising 6 children is HARD, obeying the commandments can be HARD. But the results of pushing, stretching, testing, growing are priceless.

So what am I going to do about this petering out problem that I have? At least I recognize it, and that's half the battle right? You can't change something unless you know you have and accept your problem. And this is a problem for me. But that doesn't answer the question. The answer you'd think would be simple, just stick with it, preserver, never gift up and never surrender. But it's so much easier said then done. I think this is something that I have dealt with all my life. It goes back to my Jr. High and High School days. I would always start the year out strong and end weak. I no longer want to start strong and end weak. I want to start STRONG and end STRONG.

It must be linked to attitude and self confidence. My attitude is different this time. Maybe this time will be different. Maybe I will end this weight loss battle strong with resolve to keep going, to keep my mind and body healthy.

After all, it's about a lifestyle change. Not just a quick fix to lose those pesky pregnancy pounds. I want my life to be different forever. I want my life to be filled with a love of veggies and a craving for work outs. I want my life to be balanced between motherhood, wifehood and selfhood. It has been hard for me. But I haven't given up yet. Is my determination as strong as it was in the beginning? Not quite. Can I do something about that? Darn toot'n right I can.

I'm not ready to give up or give in. I want to attack life with joy and happiness. I want to attack my work outs with joy and happiness. After all, I feel so much better and self confident when i do work out. I feel so much better when I read the scriptures and discuss them with my children in the morning. These things make a difference. These things are hard to keep up. They are a must for success.

breakfast:
2 turkey bacon (70)
1 egg (35)
1/4 cup grapefruit (60)

snack:
4 TBL trail mix (200)

lunch:
turkey on whole wheat (300)
1 roasted beet (20)(535left)

snack:
almonds and grapfruit

dinner:
chicken enchiladas

Back from the land of the Fallen Dieter

Today was another successful day. I headed to the Smokehouse for my free birthday lunch, which included a drink, entree and a dessert. I was so proud of myself, I ordered something for the dessert that only the boys would enjoy and I wasn't even tempted. It was extremely empowering. Yes, I am back. I leave for Virginia 5 weeks from today and I will lose 10lbs.

breakfast:
1/2 cup oatmeal (200)
2 turkey bacons (70)

snack:
almond clusters (140)

lunch:
smokehouse chicken and house salad(350)

snack:
no time for the busy mom.

dinner:
1 slice of home made meatloaf
1/2 cup of instant potatoes


I really wanted to eat something this evening. But I remembered that those hunger pains that I feel in the evenings are really my body eating away at the fat. I don't want to stop that process do I? Besides, I turned on the Biggest Loser and was once again inspired. Most of the people on that show have lost between 90 and 95lbs in 9 weeks. HOLY CRAPOLA!!!! I can't believe that. If I were to lose that much weight I would be anorexic. Come on, I just want to lose another 20lbs, is that asking so much? No.

It really does feel good to be back from the Land of the Fallen Dieter. It feels good to know that if you fall you can pick yourself right back up, dust yourself off and go forward full steam ahead. We ALL have bad days, bad weeks and even bad months. But such is life, and life happens. We need to role with the punches, go with the flow and find our way back.

For me, I'm done breaking promises to myself. I'm done letting myself down. I am doing this FOR ME, not for my husband, not for my family or my neighbors. FOR ME!!!! That is one of the major differences from my many other efforts. I'm ready to change, to fight, to win.

Plugging right along

Just plugging along. Trying to do my best to stick to my goals.

breakfast:
2 turkey bacon (70)
1 egg(35)
1/2 cup grapefruit (60)(165)

snack:
none

lunch:
home made meatloaf sandwich on whole wheat bread
1 roasted beet (403)(652)

snack:
protein shake (220)
1 small apple(40)(392)

dinner:
1/2 bell pepper(9)
1/2 cup cottage cheese(40)
1/4 cup ground beef(53)
2 tBL Motz cheese(78)(256)

my indulgence for the day, these natural almond cashew bites. 5= 160 calories. I had about 10 which means 320 stupid calories. GOSH DANG IT!!! Why the heck did I buy those!!!????? Because they only had 9 grams of carbs in them. Well, I'm not counting carbs am I? I'm counting calories.

total calories inhaled:1356

I am really disappointed with this. I'm not going to lose my 2lbs a week if I continue to eat like this. I need to put those nut clusters down in the basement away from my sight and mind. I really, really, really want to lose this weight. I MUST stay within my calorie allowance everyday. I know that this formula works, so I need to stick to it.

Back on the Wagon

I just wanted to pop in and say that I am officially back on the diet wagon today.

I appreciate your journey Amberlyn and keeping up with it provides me with hope.

We have been going through some things here (I won't elaborate), and I have pretty much eaten my way through all of it.

But, I think I can see the light...and so I start my journey again.

Today was great food wise. I still have two points left...I wish I had some jello. LOL!

It's March Already?

Well, February didn't go as well as I had hoped or planned. Having to celebrate 5 birthdays in one month really puts a wrench in things. But that is life. I will have to work through that every year. For the most part, I think I did decently. I lost 4lbs. That's not moving any mountains, but it's progress.

I have re-dedicated myself today. It's a new month and I still am fat. I still have a desire to lose weight and have a healthy lifestyle. Something amazing happened yesterday too, I fasted faithfully for the first time in Years!!! Yes, I did attempt to fast about a year ago, but I failed. I don't remember it being as successful as yesterday. It was empowering to have control of my body and not eat any food for 24 hrs. It proved that I have will power, that I can say "NO" when it's important to me. Well, it's important to me and I REFUSE to fail this month. I actually have 5 weeks before I leave for Virginia. I am determined to lose 10lbs before April 7th.

What is my plan of attack? Count calories. I talked with one of my friends last week and she too has lost a lot of weight. Everyone around me is shedding pounds. She went to her Doctor and told him that she didn't have any extra money to pay for anything so what should she do. The Doctor told her to times her current weight by 12. That is the number of calories she was eating to maintain her current weight. If she wanted to lose 1lb a week, to drop her calorie intake by 500. If she wanted to lose 2lbs a week to drop her calorie intake by 1000. This is daily mind you. So that's what I'm doing. I times my weight and subtracted 1000. Now I know exactly how many calories I should be eating to lose the weight that I want to. To keep my nutrition in check, I am going to follow the Body for Life program. Which I mentioned before, this is a program that I can stick to for the rest of my life. And counting the calories to keep my portions under control. I am excited.

Spring is just around the corner. It's warming up and that means more exercise outside. Running, walking, yard work, mowing the lawn, planting my garden, pulling weeds. All things that burn calories and in a fun way. Spring is always so exciting. This year is no different.

I have the power to lose weight.

I refuse to let ME get in the way of my success.

I WANT this BADLY!!!

I can do and I will.


8am Breakfast:
1 egg, 1 egg white (105)
1/4 potato(35)
2.5 slices of turkey bacon(100)(240)

10:30am snack:
1 small apple(25)
1 vanilla protein shake, made with 1 cup milk(210)(770)

lunch:
sushi (300)(470)

snack:
1/4 cup cottage cheese(40)
2 TBL trail mix(120)(160)(310)

dinner:
taco salad without chips: 1/4 cup hamberger, fresh salsa, 2 tbl quacamole, 2 tbl cheese, sauted bell pepper and onion, 1 tbl ranch dressing. Not sure how many calories this is. I'm sure it's in the 300 range though.