Once again I found myself pondering my weight loss journey, progression, struggle. What ever you want to call it. The fact and truth of the matter is that I am an emotional eater. I ate through my emotions again this weekend. I don't feel good about myself at all right now. The truth is that my failures are keeping me from my true potential. Am I being to hard on myself? Maybe. Do I still have to make some big changes? Yes I do. I am ready to make those changes.
I have thought long and hard about my new strategy. I am not giving up. I am still determined to lose 24 more lb's. I was talking with a friend the other day and I mentioned to her how losing weight really does suck. It's hard, it's emotionally draining, it's hard, and at times disappointing. But then I thought more about that statement. What is worse, the hard work going into losing weight, or gaining weight. Weight gain, by far, sucks more then the efforts put into losing weight.
Like I talked about in one of my previous posts. This is a process. All this hard work is a progression towards a better me. I really do have to fail at some things to see what works for me, and what doesn't.
Enough babbling, let's talk strategy.
My biggest priority, the one that has been weighing heavily on my mind and conscience is my diet coke addiction. The spirit whispered to me that I needed to give the stuff up. But I haven't yet. I feel like I have an emotional attachment to the stuff. But I know it is not good for me. I stopped drinking it for a few months over the summer. I need to simply give it up. The thing is, I don't see much change when I stop drinking. I usually replace it with something else, and it's never been a good thing. I am stronger now though. I know I have to power to change./The power to over come.
Second, I am going to drink a glass of water before and after every meal, this includes my snacks. I know that water is essential for good health and weight loss. I love water. I need to drink more of it. So I'm going to.
Weighing in. I need to stop weighing myself so much. I have stopped weighing myself everyday like I was in the beginning and that has helped a lot. I guess the real downer is when I weigh myself on Fridays. It is a killer on my emotionally. So from this time forward I will only weigh myself on Wednesday and Sunday mornings. I need to stop weighing on Fridays. That just puts me in a downward spiral to emotional gorging.
Free day. I was going to change my free-day to Friday. Since I struggle with that day anyway. But that wont do me any good. I'm pretty sure I will end up having a Free Weekend. I need to push through this struggle that I'm having with Friday's anyway. I have the power to stick to healthy eating on Fridays just as much as I have the power on Monday to eat healthy. I know I will feel great joy and happiness when I can overcome this personal battle that I am having with myself.
I am reverting back to bad habits. Enough is enough. I am not going to give up yet. I told Brent the other day that I just don't think this is working for me. He simply said, "then stop doing it." That statement gave me knots in my stomach and I felt sick inside. I don't want to stop. What I do need to stop is all the negative self talk. It's not doing me any good. I have accomplished so much in my short 2.5 month journey. I don't eat any kind of sweets during the week. Amazing. I have lost 16lbs. My clothes are fitting me great. My sex life is greatly improved. I have more energy. And I want to be healthy. I want to eat veggies to find recipes that my family will love. This is not only for me, but for my family.
Sometimes I feel like I have more setbacks then break throughs. But I learn something new from each setback. I learn something new about myself. I have learned that I am stronger then I thought I ever imagined. I do have to power to change my life. I will do this.
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