Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Confession #2
Why is it so hard to be kind and gentle with yourself? Yesterday I did great. Except that I had a slice of frozen cookie dough after lunch and dinner. I have been so good at not feeling guilty about my indulgences. Then I stepped on the scale this morning, which I told myself I wasn't going to, and was so disappointed by what it said. I have been trying so hard to be positive and happy with myself. It's not hard for me to tell Mandy " Great Job". When she told me she had just a bite of mashed potatoes last Sunday I told her it was no big deal. Especially if that's all she had. That is amazing to go all Sunday and have just a bite of potatoes. Why can't I do this for myself? Why is it that we are so hard and hurtful to our own beings? Now I feel like I have just sabotaged myself by having the cookie dough. I'm finding it hard to take an immediate U-turn. I feel as if I have no self control and thoughts of me being a failure are starting to creep in. I need to continually remind myself that this IS NOT EASY!!! It would be worse for me to throw my hands up in the air and yell "SCREW THIS". I am stronger than that. Why can't I tell myself that. Why can't I tell myself that I am doing a good job? Why do I always look at all my failures and weaknesses? The buck stops here. I am a good person. I am doing a GREAT job. I have cut out so many bad things in my diet that I am so proud of. I exercised twice yesterday and once already this morning. I can and will be successful at this program.
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4 comments:
This makes me want to ask how your spiritual journey is going.
Are you learning to love and care about who your are? your needs?
Are you important to you?
I think we do bad things to ourselves when we don't love ourselves like we should.
And I think we are overly hard on ourselves when we can't feel how much our heavenly father loves us.
I think of how many mistakes my own children make and how much they drive me crazy with some of their choices.
But I don't love them any less.
And I wouldn't want any one of them to be so hard on themselves, or put themselves down, or feel bad about the progress that they are making.
They are moving forward, and that is MORE than enough for me.
And I KNOW that this is EXACTLY how heavenly father feels about us.
Overall, you are moving forward.
Each days steps, forward or back don't matter indivually...it is the sum total that matters. This is why a loss is a loss, no matter how small...and why we only weigh once a week.
You are moving forward.
That is ALL that matters.
What can you do to feel a little more love for yourself?
It doesn't have to be big.
Keep going. You are doing great!
You make a great point. I haven't been reading as much as I was just last week. I haven't been really searching and praying like I should either.
I feel like it's all so overwhelming to me. I'm still so unsure where to go with the inspirations that I have had.
I need to keep praying and searching and reading.
It's so hard to find that balance . I want to eat right (which takes time), I want to exercise (which takes time), I want to keep my house clean (which takes gobbs of time), and I want to disect my patriarchle blessing(which takes time since I don't even know where to start).
Haven't we been promised that all things will fall into place if we put the Lord first? So maybe I need to begin there. Reading my scriptures and praying and worry about the other things next.
But it's so darn easy to let worldly things distract from what is truly important.
I don't mean to make you feel guilty. NOT AT ALL.
But I think you are right about priorities.
I mean, you could fill your day with a hundred meaningless things and fall into bed exhausted every night, and never really accomplish anything.
This is the pattern of my life!
But if you do the most important thing first, then everything else will fall into place...or out because it didn't really matter.
I think too, that when we don't know how important we are, or know how much we matter, we let ourselves be pushed into the background and do for ourselves last, that which should be done first.
You matter.
Heavenly Father wants you to know you matter.
If you believe otherwise, then you have be tricked by one of the best.
Just do something small. One step. One verse.
One quick prayer.
You aren't making me feel guilty at all. I want the truth. And sometimes the truth might hurt, but it just pushes us to be better.
I need to put the Lord first. I hope in the process I will learn how important I am. Which has always been hard for me to aknowledge. This is just part of the journey that I'm on.
Thank you so much for all your encouragement and uplifting words. It really means a lot to me and i don't think you'll truly know how much you have influenced my life!!!
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